Wednesday 28 November 2012

Week 16: Celebrating 100 years of Albanian independence!

From the desk of Tony Fernandes (Chairman), Queens Park Rangers Football Club 
Minutes of interview with applicant for position of manager, Harold Redknapp (excerpt)
Friday, 23rd November 2012

H. Redknapp: "...and it looks like you've got a t'riffic bunch o' lads at the club.  They can play some t'riffic football.  They really are a top, top bunch o' lads."

T. Fernandes: "Great!  I am very excited by the prospect of working with you Harold and would not hesitate to offer you the job.  Do you have any questions first of all?"

H. Redknapp: "Well, there is just one thing...

T. Fernandes: "Yes?"

H. Redknapp: "About my wages..."

T. Fernandes: "Hmmm?"

H. Redknapp: "Could you pay them to my offshore bank account in the Cayman Islands?"

T. Fernandes: "Certainly, that shouldn't be a problem!"

H. Redknapp: "And can you make it payable to my dead dog Mr Scruffles?"

T. Fernandes: "Okay..."

H. Redknapp: "And could you officially unveil a past-the-sell-by-date tin of jellied eels as the manager of the club?  Just for, y'know, tax purposes..."

T. Fernandes: "That's a bit strange but I suppose so..."

H. Redknapp: "Lovely jubbly!"

End of transcription

All of the above definitely happened (unless you happen to be a legal representative of H. Redknapp, in which case it definitely did not happen).

I am a tad short of time this week as I am attending the first Meeting of United Gramblers Associated for Betting Enhancement (MUGABE for short).  Therefore, I shall be providing a short summary of each game whilst applying my learnings from Joey Barton's School of the French Language. 

Game 1: Arsenal vs Swansea City
Prediction: Home win
"Zee Arsenal are... 'owyousay... due grande win.  Swan sea 'ave been très bien this season.  Will be le good game!" 

Reliability onions: 6/10
Odds on this result: 2/5

Game 2: Acrington Stanley vs Oxford United
Prediction: Home win
"Sacre Bleu, ees the FA Cup!  Oxford win 5-0 against Acrington in league, non? La fromage!
Reliability onions: 5/10
Odds on this result: 11/8

Game 3: Stenhousemuir vs Falkirk
Prediction: Away win
"What is zee Stenhousemuir?  Ees eet made of poulet?  Falkirk maybe win thees.  Zut alors!"

Reliability onions: 4/10
Odds on this result: 17/20

Game 4: Lincoln City vs Mansfield Town
Prediction: Draw

"Both teams ees Conference team.  So zee cup ees zee big baguette!  Je suis la football." 
Reliability onions: 6/10
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 5: Peterborough United vs Blackpool
Prediction: Home win
"Ah oui, zee Blackpool avec zee crappy Eiffel Tower! Le Posh are... 'owyousay... le pish?"
Reliability onions: 4/10
Odds on this result: 19/10

There is yer bet for this week, with additional ridiculing of Joey Barton and potentially mild racism.  Now run to your local bookmakers, run as fast as you can, and place this bet with odds of 60/1.  Tell them that the Grambler sent you and get a free look of confusion.

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