Sorry, Gramblers, another week, another half-assed . Problem is that this damn illness gives one no enthusiasm so it's hard to work up the effort to begin. Not a great effort this week so we'll get straight to the point?
Bet 1 - Accumulator 1 - Five game bet from top tiers
Game - results - Odds
Dundee Utd vs St Johnstone - Home Result - 9/5
Leeds Utd vs Ipswich - Away result - 13/5
Blackburn vs Barnsley - Home win - 23/20
Blackpool vs Reading - Draw - 5/2
MK Dons vs Bristol City - Draw - 2
They're you go, a Grambling has been done.
Showing posts with label Championship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Championship. Show all posts
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Friday, 10 May 2013
Week 35: Nation in shock as 71 year old retires!
We should get this over with quickly, nothing of note has happened in the past week football-wise...
Oh wait, some old geezer has decided it is time to retire and move into a new role as puppetmaster director and ambassador at Old Traffford. Yes, the time has finally come for Sir Alex Ferguson to retire after 26 years and 38 trophies with Manchester United. It is the end of an era as the manager many have hailed as the greatest of all time laves the dugout for the last time. One has to admire his many achievements; the treble in 1999, his tactical nous, his handling of the media, his ability to spot raw talent... But personally, I believe that his greatest moment was that time that he twatted David Beckham on the head with a football boot.
Fellow irate Scotsman and Everton manager David Moyes has been given the thankless task of replacing Ferguson. Whilst most critics have agreed that this is a wise move, with the key motive of maintaining a formula that has provided years success and stability to the club, many United fans have been angered by the appointment. But then again, most United fans I have ever met have been idiots...
Sad news elsewhere as Aston Villa captain Stillian Petrov has been forced to retire as he continues his battle against leukaemia. He has decided to devote his time to setting up a foundation to help sufferers of the bastarding disease. Yet further proof, as if it were needed, that cancer is a big hairy arse. You should really donate some money to help the fight against said big hairy arse. How about donating to the Bobby Moore Fund? They seem nice.
Sadly, the end of the season is nigh... Two rounds of games remain in the Premiership with the final Champions League place and relegation spot still to be filled. Similarly, there are still two games to play in the SPL, with the mighty Motherwell one point away from securing second place. In the lower leagues of England and Scotland, the play-offs are already well under-way; most notably one of Watford, Brighton, Crystal Palace or Leicester will earn a coveted place in the Premiership. And Manchester City will face Wigan on Saturday in an FA Cup final which is surely a foregone conclusion... I mean, there's just no way that City's attack are getting past Gary Caldwell! So there are only about 20 Grambleable games to choose from this weekend, but we shall bravely Gramble on to the bitter end! Two bets of three this week, plus an extra special FA Cup final bet which has been calculated in the most spectacular Grambler fashion yet!
Three game all-league accumulator
Game - result - odds
St Mirren vs Aberdeen - Home win - 9/5
Peterhead vs Queen's Park - Home win - 4/5
Crystal Palace vs Brighton - Draw - 23/10
50p @ 16/1
Meanwhile, back where Alex Ferguson won his first silverware... St Mirren take on the sheep-fanciers of Aberdeen in a meaningless wind-down game. Dundee's relegation last week confirmed the Buddies survival whilst the Dons have pretty much cemented 7th place in the SPL. Staying in Scotland, Peterhead go into the second-leg of their play-off tie against Queen's Park with a 1-0 lead thanks to a stoppage time penalty on Wednesday night. The Blue Toon also defeated the Spiders 3-0 in the final round of league ties so could make it three-in-a-row on Sunday. On Friday night, Crystal Palace and Brighton square up in the first leg of their play-off tie. Much is at stake with promotion worth an estimated £60 million to Championship promotees. Palace have not appeared in the top-flight since 2005 but Brighton have yet to make a Premiership appearance.
Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - result - odds
Man Utd vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
Stoke vs Tottenham - Away win - 10/11
Sunderland vs Southampton - 13/8
£1 @ 6/1
With the title already secured and Ferguson's imminent retirement, Man Utd fans will be turning out for a celebration rather than a competitive match on Sunday. Likewise, Swansea will be celebrating another good year in the Premiership (along with League Cup triumph) so expect a party atmosphere and meaningless game at Old Trafford. Stoke have slogged out the second half of the season and rumours abound that Tony Pullis will depart. They may be out to prove a point in their final home game. Tottenham continue to tussle with Arsenal for the sought-after final Champions League place and will see this as a must-win match. Although Wigan look likely to join QPR and Reading in the Championship next season, there is still a chance either Sunderland or Southampton giving this game an air of a relegation battle. Both sides gambled by sacking their managers late in the season band it could pay off for either or both if they can avoid the dreaded drop.
Super extra special far-fetched and convoluted FA Cup bet
It would be a shame not to have a bet on the FA Cup final, but to choose either Manchester City or Wigan to win would be a) a tad boring and b) unlikely to win anything worthwhile. So it made much more sense to enter the most complex formula into the Grambler spreadsheet of this season to come up with a prediction for an actual result and first goalscorer. Obviously this is type of betting has not been outlined in the rules of The Grambler but then those of you who have been following may have noticed that I have changed the rules every couple of weeks anyway. Also, it's Christmas so why not? In the unlikely outcome that Manchester City and Wigan draw 1-1 with Pablo Zabaleta scoring the first goal, a cool £70 will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund courtesy of a 50p bet with odds of 140/1. How do you like them apples?
That is all from the penultimate Grambler of the season. No go forth and celebrate. Perhaps by buying several Grambler t-shirts (go on, you know you want one!)
Friday, 26 April 2013
Week 34: Gramblersaurus, raaaaaaaaaawwwwwr!
This week, one rather peckish fellow has dominated the footballing headlines as Luis Suarez decided that it was a good idea to have a mid-game snack consisting of Branislav Ivanovic's forearm. Strangely, the FA felt that this feast did not quite adhere to the rules of the game and promptly whipped out a ten match ban for the Liverpool based cannibal. Absolutely everyone has had an opinion on this episode, including our glorious leader David Cameron who is worried about the example that Suarez's behaviour is setting for our children. It's almost as good an example as taking your offspring to the pub and then leaving them there, eh Davey?
Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively. The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs. Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success. Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.
And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.
Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator. I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways. If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free. I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...
Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1
At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet. Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win. In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp. In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.' Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss. But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely. And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road. Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league. St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL. Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.
Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1
In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet. But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier. Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish. However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight. Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations. Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note. Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun. Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club. West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten. They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium. Which is nice of us all! Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs? Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season. At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though. Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch. How fickle football fans can be! Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.
An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results. As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research. Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......
Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively. The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs. Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success. Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.
And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.
Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator. I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways. If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free. I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...
Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1
At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet. Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win. In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp. In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.' Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss. But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely. And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road. Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league. St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL. Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.
Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1
In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet. But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier. Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish. However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight. Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations. Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note. Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun. Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club. West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten. They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium. Which is nice of us all! Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs? Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season. At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though. Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch. How fickle football fans can be! Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.
An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results. As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research. Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Week 32: Teri Hatcher's dead!?
Okay, so the whole horse racing thing didn't work out too well. After a short trip to the dog food factory, I'm willing to put that all behind us and from now on stick to Buckaroo when I'm in the mood for horsing around. And so we return to what we know best this week... Football!* And by 'know best', I clearly mean what we know very little about but Google thankfully fills in the blanks.
And that's yer lot for today. In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund. In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.
Don't drink and Gramble.
*Although I am tempted to put some money on the French to win the real -life Quidditch World Cup...
A week of Champions League excitement saw Borussia Dortmund leave it late to beat a spunky Malaga side, Galatasaray give Real Madrid a run for their money and an injured Leo Messi still managing to make the difference against PSG, setting up the goal to see them through to the semi-finals. Another league manager was carelessly tossed onto the scrapheap as Sheffield United parted ways with 1980s Scottish pop-rock group Danny Wilson. The incredibly unlikeable Neil Warnock has already emerged as a contender for the vacancy. And the Daily Mail started a campaign to have a minute silence at each weekend game to mark the death of Big Mags Thatcher, apparently oblivious to the fact that a large proportion of the country were less than enamoured to her. Because obviously any attempt to have a minute silence in the name of Thatcher would end well, wouldn't it? It's almost as if they want to anger people and have them boo their way through a minute's tribute in order to whip up a frenzy and feed off the outrage... Oh wait, it's the Daily Mail. That's exactly what they want.
And on that note, we move onto this weekend's football. The Tyne-and-Wear derby could be the pick of the Premiership games, although the prospect of Southampton vs West Ham is tremendously exciting... Chelsea and Man City square-off for a place in the FA Cup final whilst in the other semi-final, Wigan and Millwall will compete in a half-empty Wembley... And in Scotland, Hibs play Falkirk and Dundee United face Celtic for a place in the Scottish Cup Final. But what does The Grambler have to say about it all? Well, this:
Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Sunderland - Home win - 19/20
Stevenage vs Yeovil - Draw - 12/5
Dag & Red vs Oxford Utd - Home win - 6/5
Leeds vs Sheff Wed - Away win - 21/10
Wolves vs Huddersfield - Home win - 11/10
50p @ 94/1
Three game accumulator from the Premiership and FA Cup
Game - Result - Odds
Stoke vs Man Utd - Away win - 4/7
Chelsea vs Man City - Home win* - 21/10
Southampton vs West Ham - Home win - 17/20
£1 @ 8/1
*Obviously not actually a home game. Result is after 90 minutes.
Three player any-time goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Theo Walcott - Arsenal vs Norwich - 10/11
Wayne Rooney - Stoke vs Man Utd - 6/4
Christian Benteke - Aston Villa vs Fulham - 11/10
50p @ 8/1
And that's yer lot for today. In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund. In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.
Don't drink and Gramble.
Saturday, 6 April 2013
Week 31: Now featuring horses!
Yes, you read that right... HORSES! It's the Grand National weekend and whilst I couldn't normally care less about horse racing (it's pretty cruel to be honest), I seem to have a habit of picking a winning overgrown donkey each year. But what sayeth The Grambler? He/She/It has already proved him/her/it-self to be incapable of selecting winning football results, but how about winning horses? So this week, we will have one five game accumulator from the football leagues and one horse flavoured bet from the Grand National. I can't lose! Unless I do, in which case I can.
On the football front, it has been another eventful week... Stealing the headlines was horrible fascist Paulo Di Canio who has finally been criticised for being a horrible fascist. Strangely, this was rarely mentioned during his playing days or management of Swindon but suddenly everyone has an opinion on it. I would just like to point out that The Grambler first lambasted Di Canio for being a horrible fascist back in October and therefore everyone else is plagiarising. I shall see you in court! Whilst one irritable cretin gained a job, another lost one as Neil Warnock was sacked by Leeds. Quite how so many managers are given one job after another for being atrocious (and making millions whilst there at it) is beyond me. Warnock is said to be taking time out to promote his book. Why on earth does Neil Warnock have a book deal? What is wrong with the world? Elsewhere, the Champions League provided some cracking goals and enjoyable games despite NOT ONE ENGLISH TEAM BEING IN IT!!!! The media were left shocked that the likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich were able to produce watchable football without the involvement of the Greatest League in the World (TM). Thankfully, David Beckham made an appearance for PSG to make life worth living again. Adrian Chiles reckoned Barcelona did not win because they were starstruck in D-Becks' presence. Adrian Chiles is a tool.
Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Walsall vs Sheffield Utd - Home win - 17/10
Dundee Utd vs Aberdeen - Draw - 9/4
MK Dons vs Crawley - Home win - 10/11
Clyde vs Berwick - Draw - 5/2
Birmingham vs Millwall - Away win - 11/5
£1 @ 187/1
Another super-exciting bet this week, it's no wonder we're switching sports! Four points separate Walsall and Sheffield Utd but the Blades have three games in hand over most of their League 1 rivals. A 4-0 win over cash-strapped Coventry last week will have given the home-side confidence. Dundee Utd play host to Aberdeen with both teams chasing a top 6 finish. Craig Brown will take charge of the Dons for the last time in this clash, with Derek McInnes due to take up the reins. The outgoing manager has claimed that he has 'left a legacy' for the new boss. He really is full of shit. Another close tie in League 1 as there are three points between MK Dons and Crawley. Both could be outside bets for a play-off spot, but Dons boss Karl Robinson could be Championship bound anyway after being linked with the vacancy at Leeds. Clyde have little left to play for this season, sitting five points clear of the bottom but ten points from the play-off spots. However, Berwick are just one point from fourth place and will be eyeing the chance of promotion. Birmingham and Millwall take on each other in probably the most pointless game of this week's bet. Sitting 11th and 15th respectively, neither are in threat of relegation or challenging for promotion. Both teams are in similar form so this one could go either way. Not the most exciting bet this week but at least the odds are good.
A huge 187 smackers will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund should a miracle happen and The Grambler actually predicts more than two correct results.
A huge 187 smackers will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund should a miracle happen and The Grambler actually predicts more than two correct results.
Grand National 2013
Horse - Odds
Chicago Grey - 12/1 @ 50p EW
What A Friend - 50/1 @ 50p EW
Mumbles Head - 100/1 @ 50p EW
My immense knowledge of horse racing normally amounts to picking horses based purely on the name. So for my in-depth analysis, each horses chances of winning are based purely on how good their moniker is... First up, Chicago Grey; the odds are pretty good for this one and at present it is 5th favourite to win. Chicago is an incredibly nice city, proving that this horse surely has a great chance of winning. However, grey is quite a dull colour so it will definitely come second. Makes sense, no? What A Friend is a bit of an outsider but must surely stand a chance with such a happy name. I imagine that his racing abilities are limited but he gets along ridiculously well with every other horse and always shares his sweets, there is not an enemy amongst them. On this basis, the other horses might let him win just to be nice. At 100/1, Mumbles Head doesn't stand a chance. And no wonder with a name like that! Conjuring images of a confused and lonely old man, potentially and alcoholic, this horse is inevitably bullied by many of the other horses. Not by What A Friend though, he's too nice.
John McCririck eat your heart out! No seriously, please do. Live on TV. Actually, I'm going to find out what the odds on that happening are...
Friday, 29 March 2013
Week 30: Happy Jesus' death day!
Glad to be back to good ol' league football after an international break which proved devastating for both the Grambler's bets and my faith in the Scotland national team. Wins for Holland and the mighty Uzbekistan on Tuesday gave us a grand total of two out of five correct predictions which the chairman has deemed 'not good enough.' The newspapers were full of talk of The Grambler's imminent sacking on Wednesday morning but after crunch talks with the board, he/she/it has been given a vote of confidence, but been warned that results must change before the end of the season. There will be a great deal of pressure on all staff at Grambler Park this week and some good predictions will be expected to alleviate shareholders and fans alike.
Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Swansea vs Tottenham - Draw - 2/5
Aberdeen vs Hearts - Home win - 7/5
Preston vs Portsmouth - Home win - 4/6
Ipswich vs Leeds - Home win - 23/20
Queen of the South vs Brechin - Home win - 4/11
50p @ 39/1
With Tottenham looking to seize 4th place from rivals Chelsea, a trip to Swansea may appear daunting. The League cup winners may be back in 9th place but their home form has been impressive this season. Swansea manager Michael Laudrup has warned Spurs that they could suffer from the 'FIFA virus'; an illness comparable to chlamydia whereby a one-night stand with international football leaves one unable to perform. Aberdeen have finally moved Granpaw Broon into a granny flat beside Pittodrie and appointed former St Johnstone boss Derek McInnes, breaking a club tradition of only stealing Motherwell managers. The Dons sit 9th in the SPL, although the fans still reckon that it's 1989 and they're challenging for the title. Hearts have already been through their annual managerial turmoil, replacing John McGlynn with Gary Locke who will inevitably be sacked at the end of the season anyway. Preston boss Simon Grayson has pretty much written off this season but claims that the foundations are in place for a promotion push next year. He has overseen just one win in six games since taking over. Portsmouth look likely to continue their unstoppable slide down the leagues with relegation to League Two this year. It's almost like spending beyond their means in the Premiership leading to financial instability and seasons of poor performances on the pitch was a bad idea. Who was manager then again? Oh yeah, 'Sir' Harry Redknapp... Since taking over as Ipswich gaffer earlier in the season, Mick McCarthy has taken his side from bottom to something resembling safety. However, the Tractorboys have the lowest number of goals for in the Championship. And the worst nickname. Neil Warnock has said that if Leeds fail to gain promotion to the Premiership this season, he will leave the club. Currently 10th, a play-off spot is not mathematically impossible but with 2 wins in the past 10 games, he'd best start packing his bags.
Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game - Result - Odds
Wigan vs Norwich - Home win - 10/11
Southampton vs Chelsea - Home win - 5/8
Everton vs Stoke - Draw - 11/4
50p @ 24/1
Wigan have reached that point in the season where they occasionally remember to win some games but they are still in the relegation zone. Roberto Martinez expects his team to attack and be aggressive in their fight for survival. Apparently Callum McManaman took this too literally... Norwich have had a good season, although with probably a few more draws than they would like. They have already started planning for next season by bolstering their attack with a club-record signing of the man with the greatest name in world football; Ricky van Wolfswinkel! Just months ago, Southampton looked like they were already doomed. But the appointment of Mauricio Pochettino may prove to be a shrewd one with the Saints joint on points with Sunderland in 15th. Pochettino's only 2 wins have come against Manchester City and Liverpool, so Chelsea might not seem so daunting to him. The Blues have moved past Spurs to 3rd in the Premiership and Rafa Benitez will be looking to hold onto this position, lest the Chelsea fans somehow turn against him even more. The reverse fixture ended in a 2-2 draw back in January, and this proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Nigel Adkins. Everton will once again be aiming to finish ahead of their noisy neighbours this season and so far lead the way with a 3 point advantage as well as a game in hand. They were surprise victors against Manchester City prior to the international break and will hope that this form will not have been disturbed by the interval. Stoke look set to end the season with their usual mid-table finish having gained no new fans as a result of their style of football. But on a positive note, they will no longer be lumbered with the waste of space, self publicising, deluded, former footballer Michael Owen.
Three goalscorer accumulator
Scorer - Match - Odds
Michu - Swansea vs Tottenham - 8/5
Dimitar Berbatov - Fulham vs QPR - 10/11
Edin Dzeko - Manchester City vs Newcastle - 20/21
50p @ 9/1
Michu will undoubtedly go down as the find of the season having cost Michael Laudrup just £2 million and going on to score 15 league goals already this season. Spurs kept a clean-sheet against Swansea back in December and will be aiming to keep Michu quiet once again. Berbatov has been a pleasure to watch in the Premiership for the past 7 seasons with some memorable goals. He is Fulham's top scorer this season with 11 but was not on the scoresheet when QPR defeated Fulham 2-1 earlier in the season. Dzeko is perhaps the one of the most under-appreciated players at Manchester City with rumours constantly abound that the Bosnian striker will be sold off at the end of the season. With 12 league goals this season, he is City's top scorer. However, Roberto Mancini may not start with the striker following his international involvement during the week.
And that's yer lot! Three relatively plausible bets to follow this weekend which could bring in a massive £36 for the Bobby Moore Fund. And as always, remember; if you are Grambling under the age of 12, make sure you do so with the help of a responsible adult.
Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Swansea vs Tottenham - Draw - 2/5
Aberdeen vs Hearts - Home win - 7/5
Preston vs Portsmouth - Home win - 4/6
Ipswich vs Leeds - Home win - 23/20
Queen of the South vs Brechin - Home win - 4/11
50p @ 39/1
With Tottenham looking to seize 4th place from rivals Chelsea, a trip to Swansea may appear daunting. The League cup winners may be back in 9th place but their home form has been impressive this season. Swansea manager Michael Laudrup has warned Spurs that they could suffer from the 'FIFA virus'; an illness comparable to chlamydia whereby a one-night stand with international football leaves one unable to perform. Aberdeen have finally moved Granpaw Broon into a granny flat beside Pittodrie and appointed former St Johnstone boss Derek McInnes, breaking a club tradition of only stealing Motherwell managers. The Dons sit 9th in the SPL, although the fans still reckon that it's 1989 and they're challenging for the title. Hearts have already been through their annual managerial turmoil, replacing John McGlynn with Gary Locke who will inevitably be sacked at the end of the season anyway. Preston boss Simon Grayson has pretty much written off this season but claims that the foundations are in place for a promotion push next year. He has overseen just one win in six games since taking over. Portsmouth look likely to continue their unstoppable slide down the leagues with relegation to League Two this year. It's almost like spending beyond their means in the Premiership leading to financial instability and seasons of poor performances on the pitch was a bad idea. Who was manager then again? Oh yeah, 'Sir' Harry Redknapp... Since taking over as Ipswich gaffer earlier in the season, Mick McCarthy has taken his side from bottom to something resembling safety. However, the Tractorboys have the lowest number of goals for in the Championship. And the worst nickname. Neil Warnock has said that if Leeds fail to gain promotion to the Premiership this season, he will leave the club. Currently 10th, a play-off spot is not mathematically impossible but with 2 wins in the past 10 games, he'd best start packing his bags.
Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game - Result - Odds
Wigan vs Norwich - Home win - 10/11
Southampton vs Chelsea - Home win - 5/8
Everton vs Stoke - Draw - 11/4
50p @ 24/1
Wigan have reached that point in the season where they occasionally remember to win some games but they are still in the relegation zone. Roberto Martinez expects his team to attack and be aggressive in their fight for survival. Apparently Callum McManaman took this too literally... Norwich have had a good season, although with probably a few more draws than they would like. They have already started planning for next season by bolstering their attack with a club-record signing of the man with the greatest name in world football; Ricky van Wolfswinkel! Just months ago, Southampton looked like they were already doomed. But the appointment of Mauricio Pochettino may prove to be a shrewd one with the Saints joint on points with Sunderland in 15th. Pochettino's only 2 wins have come against Manchester City and Liverpool, so Chelsea might not seem so daunting to him. The Blues have moved past Spurs to 3rd in the Premiership and Rafa Benitez will be looking to hold onto this position, lest the Chelsea fans somehow turn against him even more. The reverse fixture ended in a 2-2 draw back in January, and this proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Nigel Adkins. Everton will once again be aiming to finish ahead of their noisy neighbours this season and so far lead the way with a 3 point advantage as well as a game in hand. They were surprise victors against Manchester City prior to the international break and will hope that this form will not have been disturbed by the interval. Stoke look set to end the season with their usual mid-table finish having gained no new fans as a result of their style of football. But on a positive note, they will no longer be lumbered with the waste of space, self publicising, deluded, former footballer Michael Owen.
Three goalscorer accumulator
Scorer - Match - Odds
Michu - Swansea vs Tottenham - 8/5
Dimitar Berbatov - Fulham vs QPR - 10/11
Edin Dzeko - Manchester City vs Newcastle - 20/21
50p @ 9/1
Michu will undoubtedly go down as the find of the season having cost Michael Laudrup just £2 million and going on to score 15 league goals already this season. Spurs kept a clean-sheet against Swansea back in December and will be aiming to keep Michu quiet once again. Berbatov has been a pleasure to watch in the Premiership for the past 7 seasons with some memorable goals. He is Fulham's top scorer this season with 11 but was not on the scoresheet when QPR defeated Fulham 2-1 earlier in the season. Dzeko is perhaps the one of the most under-appreciated players at Manchester City with rumours constantly abound that the Bosnian striker will be sold off at the end of the season. With 12 league goals this season, he is City's top scorer. However, Roberto Mancini may not start with the striker following his international involvement during the week.
And that's yer lot! Three relatively plausible bets to follow this weekend which could bring in a massive £36 for the Bobby Moore Fund. And as always, remember; if you are Grambling under the age of 12, make sure you do so with the help of a responsible adult.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
Week 27: Vote Grambler for President of Venezuela!
Still buzzing from the success of The Gramblerzghi last weekend, I have become all the more determined to win some bets and send the proceeds over to the Bobby Moore Fund to assist in the war against bowel cancer; a war which has raged on for 87 years during which time a number of frankly unspeakable war crimes have been committed.
This determination has brought a massive realisation during a brief moment of clarity. In the old format, I did not win very much. With that in mind, famous popular music singer David Bowie has announced "The Grambler is ch-ch-ch-changing.". Poor old guy never did get round to working on that stutter...
So instead of one highly unlikely bet, we now have one highly unlikely bet plus two potential (but unlikely) winners. The odds on the second and third bets are rather low but any winnings are good winnings. So without much Freddy Adu, I present to you the all new Grambler (which I'll probably only stick with for one week before becoming lazy and complacent.)
Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game, Result, Odds
Stranraer vs Albion Rovers, Home win, 7/10
Scunthorpe vs Coventry, Home win, 2/1
Peterborough vs Ipswich, Away win, 2/1
Birmingham vs Derby, Home win, 13/8
St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock, Home win, 10/11
50p @ 76/1
Bet the first is pretty much the same as the usual farfetched Grambler bet. Once again, a win looks unlikely here... Perhaps 3 out of the 5 will come out correct. However, whilst said scenario is possibly the best outcome, them pets don't win prizes as Dale Winton used to say... Actually, I'm not sure that he ever did say that. I was about to Tweet him and ask but the only accounts for him seem to be fake. So I tweeted original PWP host Danny Baker instead.
Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game, Result, Odds
Man City vs Barnsley, Home win, 1/7
West Brom vs Swansea, Home win, 29/20
Norwich vs Southampton, Draw, 12/5
50p @ 9/1
Our second bet aims to make The Grambler a touch more exciting by focusing purely on the Bestest League in the World. For most people, the Premiership represents more exciting football than Torquay vs Accrington Stanley. So by placing a bet only on Premiership games, the weekend may not be ruined even though the early kick off League Two game has already lost the main bet. The FA Cup includes many top tier teams this weekend so these games have been included, hence the presence of Barnsley. The bet is not too shabby; Man City are the clear favourites in their match, West Brom have tremendous home form behind them and both Norwich and Southampton are prone to draws. I should really have included a joke about Tevez putting City in the driving seat just there...
Bet 3: Three man anytime goalscorer accumulator from the Premiership
Player, Odds
Romelu Lukaku, 6/5
Edin Dzeko, 8/13
Steven Fletcher, 6/4
50p @ 8/1
Mixing things up a little, we have a goalscorer bet for the first time ever. This is a historical moment, perhaps on as par with the moment that the Pope assassinated Trotsky on the moon. Picked via random number generator from a list of all Premiership players to have scored 5 or more goals this season, the results are interesting. West Brom's on-loan Lukaku has been in good form recently, whilst Dzeko can be good for a goal if Man City are in control... The main problem is that he may not start. Finally, Sunderland's Steve Fletcher has 10 goals thus far, most of which have come at home. Unfortunately they are away to Ol' Melty Face Redknapp's QPR this afternoon. Still, this bet may just make this afternoon's Grambling that little bit more enthralling.
A massive total of £48.50 up for grabs today from a £1.50 bet. Should this format come anywhere close to success I'll be sticking to it. Otherwise, I'll be doing a Cardinal Keith and pretending that this never happened...
Happy Gramblin!
This determination has brought a massive realisation during a brief moment of clarity. In the old format, I did not win very much. With that in mind, famous popular music singer David Bowie has announced "The Grambler is ch-ch-ch-changing.". Poor old guy never did get round to working on that stutter...
So instead of one highly unlikely bet, we now have one highly unlikely bet plus two potential (but unlikely) winners. The odds on the second and third bets are rather low but any winnings are good winnings. So without much Freddy Adu, I present to you the all new Grambler (which I'll probably only stick with for one week before becoming lazy and complacent.)
Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game, Result, Odds
Stranraer vs Albion Rovers, Home win, 7/10
Scunthorpe vs Coventry, Home win, 2/1
Peterborough vs Ipswich, Away win, 2/1
Birmingham vs Derby, Home win, 13/8
St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock, Home win, 10/11
50p @ 76/1
Bet the first is pretty much the same as the usual farfetched Grambler bet. Once again, a win looks unlikely here... Perhaps 3 out of the 5 will come out correct. However, whilst said scenario is possibly the best outcome, them pets don't win prizes as Dale Winton used to say... Actually, I'm not sure that he ever did say that. I was about to Tweet him and ask but the only accounts for him seem to be fake. So I tweeted original PWP host Danny Baker instead.
Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game, Result, Odds
Man City vs Barnsley, Home win, 1/7
West Brom vs Swansea, Home win, 29/20
Norwich vs Southampton, Draw, 12/5
50p @ 9/1
Our second bet aims to make The Grambler a touch more exciting by focusing purely on the Bestest League in the World. For most people, the Premiership represents more exciting football than Torquay vs Accrington Stanley. So by placing a bet only on Premiership games, the weekend may not be ruined even though the early kick off League Two game has already lost the main bet. The FA Cup includes many top tier teams this weekend so these games have been included, hence the presence of Barnsley. The bet is not too shabby; Man City are the clear favourites in their match, West Brom have tremendous home form behind them and both Norwich and Southampton are prone to draws. I should really have included a joke about Tevez putting City in the driving seat just there...
Bet 3: Three man anytime goalscorer accumulator from the Premiership
Player, Odds
Romelu Lukaku, 6/5
Edin Dzeko, 8/13
Steven Fletcher, 6/4
50p @ 8/1
Mixing things up a little, we have a goalscorer bet for the first time ever. This is a historical moment, perhaps on as par with the moment that the Pope assassinated Trotsky on the moon. Picked via random number generator from a list of all Premiership players to have scored 5 or more goals this season, the results are interesting. West Brom's on-loan Lukaku has been in good form recently, whilst Dzeko can be good for a goal if Man City are in control... The main problem is that he may not start. Finally, Sunderland's Steve Fletcher has 10 goals thus far, most of which have come at home. Unfortunately they are away to Ol' Melty Face Redknapp's QPR this afternoon. Still, this bet may just make this afternoon's Grambling that little bit more enthralling.
A massive total of £48.50 up for grabs today from a £1.50 bet. Should this format come anywhere close to success I'll be sticking to it. Otherwise, I'll be doing a Cardinal Keith and pretending that this never happened...
Happy Gramblin!
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
Week 26 Results: Complimenti! Sapevamo che ce l'avresti fatta!
Well The Grambler did get one prediction correct on Saturday... The prediction that the bet presented was a steaming pile of monkey faeces. Of the five predictions made last weekend, one... yes that's right, ONE was correct. This would normally be quite disheartening but for once I shall not be dwelling upon this hopeless, embarrassing, depressing result.
For you see, last weekend was not entirely wasted as The Grambler's official Serie A partner The Gramblerzhgi has been raking it in! For those you not in-the-know, The Gramblerzhgi has been running for the past seven weeks and is the brainchild of our very own Italian correspondent Andino Tinicelli. The Gramblerzhgi has placed a number of bets each week at random using the games of Serie A, top goalscorers and occasional other bets that I probably don't even understand. And this weekend, it paid off with a win of £25 (approximately €29.02)! Sig. Tinicelli has kindly agreed to get on board with The Grambler and donate the money to them lovely peoples at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research. Take that cancer, you shit!
For you see, last weekend was not entirely wasted as The Grambler's official Serie A partner The Gramblerzhgi has been raking it in! For those you not in-the-know, The Gramblerzhgi has been running for the past seven weeks and is the brainchild of our very own Italian correspondent Andino Tinicelli. The Gramblerzhgi has placed a number of bets each week at random using the games of Serie A, top goalscorers and occasional other bets that I probably don't even understand. And this weekend, it paid off with a win of £25 (approximately €29.02)! Sig. Tinicelli has kindly agreed to get on board with The Grambler and donate the money to them lovely peoples at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research. Take that cancer, you shit!
This brings the total raised by The Grambler/Gramblerzhgi to....
Hopefully the first of many wins for Sig. Tinicelli! You can follow the exploits of The Gramblerzhgi via the Grambler Facebook page every weekend or over on that Twitter @Gramblerzhgi. And don't forget, you can join the fundraising action by following the link to the Bobby Moore Fund on the right-hand menu. Do it!
Saturday, 2 March 2013
Week 26: Or Week 221 in dog years.
BREAKNG NEWS!: An inquest to be held over the lack of successful predictions made by The Grambler. A spokesman for the genderless spreadsheet confirmed "there has been unrest caused by the terrible results selected by him/her. We have demanded an investigation to identify why he/she continuously coerces us into placing awful bets." The inquest will be led by Lord Benjamin Terence Parsnip Poshington III and findings are to be presented by January 2015.
Basically, I'm admitting that I won nothing last week.
Moving on to this week's bet and there's no point in beating about the bush, I may as well just say it; we're screwed already. Game over, man, game over! If this bet actually wins anything, I will eat a huge platter of IKEA brand horse balls. It's almost worth placing a bet on the opposite of The Grambler's choices, although I'm not too sure what the opposite of a draw is...
So now that I've built up your expectations, here's that bet...
Game 1: Arbroath vs Ayr United
Prediction: Home win
Starting out with the big one, we head for Arbroath for some smokies and some Second Division football. It's the Red Lichties against the Honest Men in this battle of teams with slightly strange but at least original nicknames. Only two places separate the two in the league table... but Arbroath are looking to move into the promotion playoff places with a win whilst the visitors will hope to avoid being dragged into a relegation dog fight with a loss. The home side lost 2-1 when hosting leaders Alloa last weekend and Ayr suffered from a similar scoreline at home to Stenhousemuir. Form does not tell us much but could The Grambler get off to a good start with a win from the Smokiemunchers? Player/manager Paul Sheer in, in an exclusive Grambler interview, said "maybe."
Odds on this result: 7/2
Game 2: Brentford vs Scunthorpe United
Prediction: Home win
The excitement continues as we head down the country to Griffin Park as the Bees take on the Iron in this contest between two sides with less exciting nicknames. Uwe Rosler's Brentford team are flying high in League One and still in with a chance of promotion as the season run-in begins; Rosler proving that he is more than just a useful signing in 1997/98 Championship Manager. Fresh from putting up a brave fight against horrible, horrible Chelsea in the FA Cup, the Bees won 2-1 at Crawley last week to take them 5th in the league and just four points from the top. At the other end of the table, Brian Laws is nervously glancing back as his Scunthorpe side sit just three points from the relegation zone. A 1-0 win at Stevenage last weekend would have allowed United to breathe a sigh of relief but they are still at risk of dropping into League Two, thus heaping shame upon local celebrity and BBC weatherman Darren Bett. Odds on this result: 7/10
Game 3: Coventry City vs Swindon Town
Prediction: Draw
Staying in League Two, and two teams that have been in the headlines recently for different reasons. First up Coventry, who continue to do their financial situation huge favours by refusing to submit their accounts to the league for the third season running, thus ensuring a fine and another transfer embargo. Fantastic work from all involved with the running of this club! City are however still fairing well in the league, in 8th place and still within reach of the playoffs. Back to back away wins sandwiched a home loss, so home form is not everything. Meanwhile, Swindon are feeling the effects of breaking up with a psychoticgirlfriend manager as well known mentalist Paulo Di Canio walked out on the club, broke back in to steal paintings and is now threatening to sue for some reason or another. Mostly because he's a mentalist. The team are soaring in the league though, currently in 4th position. Former Aston Villa coach Kevin MacDonald has just been installed as manager and will be looking to start his reign with a good result. His brother, Steve from Coronation Street, will be cheering him on.
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 4: Everton vs Reading
Prediction: Away win
This is where it starts to get a bit unlikely. Everton could close the gap on Arsenal with a win today whilst Reading look almost certainly doooooomed. Yet The Grambler has picked the underdogs to win this tie at Goodison Park. Stranger things have happened... In fact, just last week, the Toffees visited Carrow Road where they were surprisingly humbled by Norwich. But surely David Moyes will not let this happen two weeks in a row? Goalkeeper Tim Howard could be ruled out through injury which may give Reading hope. The Royals are second bottom in the Premiership at the moment and look destined to join QPR back in the Championship. But it was famously a late surge last season that earned Reading their place in the top tier and Brian McDermott will be hoping for more of the same in the last 13 games of this season. If it helps to include the opinion of two extremely unlikeable twats, Mark Lawrenson says 2-0 to Everton and Piers Morgan goes with the same prediction. But then remember, Hulk Hogan was better at predicting results than the 'expert' ( I'm not letting that one go, it's my licence fee dammit!)
Odds on this result: 9/1
Game 5: Hearts vs Motherwell
Prediction: Home win
Now we're just being silly... Motherwell, of course, defeated current champions Celtic on Wednesday to become Official Scottish Champions (that's how it works, right?) Despite an embarrassing 3-0 defeat to Ross County last weekend, the Well bounced back in style to move second in the SPL once again. European football could be coming to Fir Park yet again, and along with the return of King James of McFadden, things are looking up in Lanarkshire. Meanwhile, Hearts did what they do best this week - sacked another manager. John McGlynn, no one really knew how he got the job as manager anyway, walked away with his side comfortably in 11th place and with just two wins in the last ten games. Vladimir Romanov is understood to be considering appointing fictional Lithuanian Jurgis Rudkus, the protagonist of Upton Sinclair's novel The Jungle, to the post.
Odds on this result: 6/4
As this week's bet is so ridiculous, the odds are massive... 649/1 massive! Being the sensible type that I am, I am only sticking 50p on this coupon (hey, big spender!) to save the pennies for another Grambler. Should I win, I may go mental at the thought of losing 300 odd quid, but I won't (possibly file under 'famous last words').
Remember to join us on Facebook, where our Italian correspondent Andrea Tinnieto supplies the predictions for The Gramblerzhgi, The Grambler's Series A bambino.
And don't Grambler and drive!
Basically, I'm admitting that I won nothing last week.
Moving on to this week's bet and there's no point in beating about the bush, I may as well just say it; we're screwed already. Game over, man, game over! If this bet actually wins anything, I will eat a huge platter of IKEA brand horse balls. It's almost worth placing a bet on the opposite of The Grambler's choices, although I'm not too sure what the opposite of a draw is...
So now that I've built up your expectations, here's that bet...
Game 1: Arbroath vs Ayr United
Prediction: Home win
Starting out with the big one, we head for Arbroath for some smokies and some Second Division football. It's the Red Lichties against the Honest Men in this battle of teams with slightly strange but at least original nicknames. Only two places separate the two in the league table... but Arbroath are looking to move into the promotion playoff places with a win whilst the visitors will hope to avoid being dragged into a relegation dog fight with a loss. The home side lost 2-1 when hosting leaders Alloa last weekend and Ayr suffered from a similar scoreline at home to Stenhousemuir. Form does not tell us much but could The Grambler get off to a good start with a win from the Smokiemunchers? Player/manager Paul Sheer in, in an exclusive Grambler interview, said "maybe."
Odds on this result: 7/2
Game 2: Brentford vs Scunthorpe United
Prediction: Home win
The excitement continues as we head down the country to Griffin Park as the Bees take on the Iron in this contest between two sides with less exciting nicknames. Uwe Rosler's Brentford team are flying high in League One and still in with a chance of promotion as the season run-in begins; Rosler proving that he is more than just a useful signing in 1997/98 Championship Manager. Fresh from putting up a brave fight against horrible, horrible Chelsea in the FA Cup, the Bees won 2-1 at Crawley last week to take them 5th in the league and just four points from the top. At the other end of the table, Brian Laws is nervously glancing back as his Scunthorpe side sit just three points from the relegation zone. A 1-0 win at Stevenage last weekend would have allowed United to breathe a sigh of relief but they are still at risk of dropping into League Two, thus heaping shame upon local celebrity and BBC weatherman Darren Bett. Odds on this result: 7/10
Game 3: Coventry City vs Swindon Town
Prediction: Draw
Staying in League Two, and two teams that have been in the headlines recently for different reasons. First up Coventry, who continue to do their financial situation huge favours by refusing to submit their accounts to the league for the third season running, thus ensuring a fine and another transfer embargo. Fantastic work from all involved with the running of this club! City are however still fairing well in the league, in 8th place and still within reach of the playoffs. Back to back away wins sandwiched a home loss, so home form is not everything. Meanwhile, Swindon are feeling the effects of breaking up with a psychotic
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 4: Everton vs Reading
Prediction: Away win
This is where it starts to get a bit unlikely. Everton could close the gap on Arsenal with a win today whilst Reading look almost certainly doooooomed. Yet The Grambler has picked the underdogs to win this tie at Goodison Park. Stranger things have happened... In fact, just last week, the Toffees visited Carrow Road where they were surprisingly humbled by Norwich. But surely David Moyes will not let this happen two weeks in a row? Goalkeeper Tim Howard could be ruled out through injury which may give Reading hope. The Royals are second bottom in the Premiership at the moment and look destined to join QPR back in the Championship. But it was famously a late surge last season that earned Reading their place in the top tier and Brian McDermott will be hoping for more of the same in the last 13 games of this season. If it helps to include the opinion of two extremely unlikeable twats, Mark Lawrenson says 2-0 to Everton and Piers Morgan goes with the same prediction. But then remember, Hulk Hogan was better at predicting results than the 'expert' ( I'm not letting that one go, it's my licence fee dammit!)
Odds on this result: 9/1
Game 5: Hearts vs Motherwell
Prediction: Home win
Now we're just being silly... Motherwell, of course, defeated current champions Celtic on Wednesday to become Official Scottish Champions (that's how it works, right?) Despite an embarrassing 3-0 defeat to Ross County last weekend, the Well bounced back in style to move second in the SPL once again. European football could be coming to Fir Park yet again, and along with the return of King James of McFadden, things are looking up in Lanarkshire. Meanwhile, Hearts did what they do best this week - sacked another manager. John McGlynn, no one really knew how he got the job as manager anyway, walked away with his side comfortably in 11th place and with just two wins in the last ten games. Vladimir Romanov is understood to be considering appointing fictional Lithuanian Jurgis Rudkus, the protagonist of Upton Sinclair's novel The Jungle, to the post.
Odds on this result: 6/4
As this week's bet is so ridiculous, the odds are massive... 649/1 massive! Being the sensible type that I am, I am only sticking 50p on this coupon (hey, big spender!) to save the pennies for another Grambler. Should I win, I may go mental at the thought of losing 300 odd quid, but I won't (possibly file under 'famous last words').
Remember to join us on Facebook, where our Italian correspondent Andrea Tinnieto supplies the predictions for The Gramblerzhgi, The Grambler's Series A bambino.
And don't Grambler and drive!
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Week 25: Scratch and sniff edition!
It has been an eventful week in the world of football, which in spite of it's name is not actually a planet but a metaphoric term used to encompass all of the happenings in football town (similarly, not a real town). FIFA has announced that goal-line technology shall be in place at the next World Cup, which is obviously hugely important because Frank Lampard once scored a disallowed goal at a tournament in a game which was soundly lost anyway, didn't you know? It's not like the media mention it often or anything...
Meanwhile in the Champions League, Arsenal were outclassed by Bayern Munich, much to the surprise of ITV's football 'expert' Andy Townsend, who failed to realise that the Bundesliga leaders and last year's Champions League runner-up might actually be a bit good and didn't know that they might stand a chance against an Arsenal side who have failed to do anything of note since 2006... How do these people get a job in punditry?
And finally, the news that everyone has been talking about as the messiah returned home. Yes, that's right... James MacFadden has re-signed for Motherwell. After speculation across the globe, the Chosen One agreed one agreed to play in the sacred claret and amber until the end of the season, football fans from far and wide expressed their joy. Potential Bolivian presidential candidate for 2014 Garcia Linera said "I'm buzzin' to see Faddy back at the Well. He's pure magic!"
If you continue to read below, you will notice that there are predictions for this weekend. It may have been said before, but I am full of confidence that this week will be the one. I think that you should put all of your personal savings on this coupon as it is 100% guaranteed to be correct*. We have 66 games for The Grambler to Gramble on this weekend, including the season's first major cup final as Swansea take on underdogs Bradford at Wembley for the Capital One Cup. Also, can I smell a bonus Both Teams to Score bet? Possibly. read on, my good man (or lady (or ladyman)).
I'm running late again this week for various reasons so no time for the usual award-winning analysis. I'm sure that you will be glad of this development.
*Please note: This guarantee is void and I do not recommend putting any more than a £1 stake on this bet (and even that is not highly recommended) as it will definitely be wrong. Refunds are not available.
Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Burnley
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 11/10
Game 2: Fulham vs Stoke City
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 11/10
Game 3: Montrose vs Annan Athletic
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 10/11
Game 4: Reading vs Wigan Athletic
Prediction: Draw
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 5: Sheffield Wednesday vs Crystal Palace
Prediction: Draw
Odds on this result: 12/5
Total odds on this week's bet are 96/1! Yipeetastic!
And as promised, have a Mega Fantastic Extra Value Bonus Bet!:
Game - Both Teams to Score? - Odds
Cowdenbeath vs Raith Rovers - Yes - 8/13
Celtic vs Dundee - Yes - 13/8
Shrewsbury vs Stevenage - No - 5/6
Peterhead vs Queens Park - Yes - 8/11
Blackburn Rovers vs Leeds United - No - Evens
Total odds for the Grambler Super Exciting Mega Bonus Bet! are 26/1! Fantabulous!
Happy Grambling!
Meanwhile in the Champions League, Arsenal were outclassed by Bayern Munich, much to the surprise of ITV's football 'expert' Andy Townsend, who failed to realise that the Bundesliga leaders and last year's Champions League runner-up might actually be a bit good and didn't know that they might stand a chance against an Arsenal side who have failed to do anything of note since 2006... How do these people get a job in punditry?
And finally, the news that everyone has been talking about as the messiah returned home. Yes, that's right... James MacFadden has re-signed for Motherwell. After speculation across the globe, the Chosen One agreed one agreed to play in the sacred claret and amber until the end of the season, football fans from far and wide expressed their joy. Potential Bolivian presidential candidate for 2014 Garcia Linera said "I'm buzzin' to see Faddy back at the Well. He's pure magic!"
If you continue to read below, you will notice that there are predictions for this weekend. It may have been said before, but I am full of confidence that this week will be the one. I think that you should put all of your personal savings on this coupon as it is 100% guaranteed to be correct*. We have 66 games for The Grambler to Gramble on this weekend, including the season's first major cup final as Swansea take on underdogs Bradford at Wembley for the Capital One Cup. Also, can I smell a bonus Both Teams to Score bet? Possibly. read on, my good man (or lady (or ladyman)).
I'm running late again this week for various reasons so no time for the usual award-winning analysis. I'm sure that you will be glad of this development.
*Please note: This guarantee is void and I do not recommend putting any more than a £1 stake on this bet (and even that is not highly recommended) as it will definitely be wrong. Refunds are not available.
Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Burnley
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 11/10
Game 2: Fulham vs Stoke City
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 11/10
Game 3: Montrose vs Annan Athletic
Prediction: Home win
Odds on this result: 10/11
Game 4: Reading vs Wigan Athletic
Prediction: Draw
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 5: Sheffield Wednesday vs Crystal Palace
Prediction: Draw
Odds on this result: 12/5
Total odds on this week's bet are 96/1! Yipeetastic!
And as promised, have a Mega Fantastic Extra Value Bonus Bet!:
Game - Both Teams to Score? - Odds
Cowdenbeath vs Raith Rovers - Yes - 8/13
Celtic vs Dundee - Yes - 13/8
Shrewsbury vs Stevenage - No - 5/6
Peterhead vs Queens Park - Yes - 8/11
Blackburn Rovers vs Leeds United - No - Evens
Total odds for the Grambler Super Exciting Mega Bonus Bet! are 26/1! Fantabulous!
Happy Grambling!
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Week 24: With 32% extra indifference!
It's Saturday morning once again, time to sit down with your feet up, a nice big cup of tea/coffee/Um Bongo and get stuck into this week's edition of The Grambler. Last week did not go too well but then again, if you view it with the same endless optimism as Brendan Rodgers, it was an almost flawless performance!
And it should be an exciting one this week. The glamour and romance of the FA Cup returns with some exciting ties taking place; non-league heroes Luton take on Millwall, Brentford have the chance to cause an upset at Chelsea and fallen greats Leeds take on Manchester City. So which of these exciting games will The Grambler choose? Em, none of them actually. It's a ridiculously dull week and even at that, the predictions look unlikely. But I am due some good luck so maybe this could be the week?
Game 1: Fleetwood Town vs Burton Albion
Prediction: Home win
This could be an important tie in the race for a the League Two title. The two teams are 5th and 6th respectively, separated by goal-difference alone. However, Fleetwood have one game in hand over their opponents and a win today could take them into an automatic promotion spot. Graham Alexander's men have exceeded expectations on their football league début and a promotion this season would be a massive achievement. Burton have improved dramatically from last season, where they only managed a 17th place finish in the league. They will be hopeful of making it five games without defeat today at the Highbury Stadium.
Odds on this result: Evens
Game 2: Forfar Athletic vs Alloa Athletic
Prediction: Away win
And from the excitement of League Two to the excitement of the Scottish Second Division, as the Loons play host to the Wasps. Forfar currently sit 5th and are still in with a shout of a play-off place. They have only lost three of their ten home games this season and top scorer Gavin Swankie already has 12 goals to his name. Alloa are ten points clear of their opponents and sit in 2nd place following a good start to the season. However, they have virtually no hope of catching runaway division leaders Queen of the South, who are 18 points clear at the top. Alloa have only lost two games in their last ten and will be looking to continue this good form.
Odds on this result: 11/8
Game 3: Bury vs Coventry City
Prediction: Home win
Bury are facing the threat of relegation to League Two after a poor season and manager Kevin Blackwell has said that expects his team to put up a fight to the very end. In a disappointing season, the Shakers have only managed five wins in 31 attempts. In their last ten games, they have mustered just one win. The club recently had a transfer embargo lifted and have brought in former Hull and Derby striker Craig Fagan, who could get his first start today. Coventry still have aspirations of promotion and are not too far from the play-off spots. However, they have been plagued by managerial uncertainty this season and are now looking for their third manager of the campaign. Mark Robins had taken the Sky Blues from the bottom of the table up to 8th, but his success caught the eye of Championship side Huddersfield who appointed him as manager midweek. Caretaker Lee Carsley will be in charge today but could the change affect the teams performance?
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 4: Hearts vs Kilmarnock
Prediction: Away win
Despite paying some of the highest wages in the SPL (when they actually remember to pay them), Hearts currently sit 10th in the table. The top and bottom spots in the SPL are all but decided but the rest is incredibly open and the Jam Tarts could still be in with a chance of 2nd place. They added Scotland international Danny Wilson and promising youngster Michael Ngoo on loan from Liverpool in the transfer window and both have made an immediate impact. Kilmarnock have had mixed fortunes throughout the season and have drawn a few more games than they would have liked. A fine win against reigning world champions Motherwell last weekend was followed by a good draw at Inverness midweek, they will be aiming to build on this form. Manager Kenny Shiels will be watching from the stands after a sending off in the Inverness game. His reaction was to climb on top of the dug out. He appears to be a bit of a mental.
Odds on this result: 3/1
Game 5: Ipswich Town vs Blackpool
Prediction: Home win
Ipswich make their second Grambler appearance in a row. In a rare correct prediction, they lost to Blackburn last weekend. Could the Tractorboys remain Grambler friendly with a victory this time around? Ipswich may see a home game against managerless Blackpool as a good chance to move clear of the relegation zone. They will also be encouraged by the fact that Blackpool have never won at Portman Road. Blackpool started the season well but have been hampered by managerial change, with both Ian Holloway and Michael Appleton head-hunted by fellow Championship clubs. The latest name to be linked to the vacancy is former England international Paul Ince whose son Tom currently stars for the Seasiders. However, Ince has not exactly had a breathtaking managerial career and Blackpool may instead continue to pursue their number one target, Owen Coyle. In the reverse fixture earlier in the season, Blackpool thrashed Ipswich 6-0.
Odds on this result: 8/5
It's not a great bet this weekend but not entirely inconceivable. With a few away wins in there, the odds have risen to a respectable 167/1. Or to put it in terms that we all understand, a £1 bet will get you 13.91 Grambler t-shirts!
And it should be an exciting one this week. The glamour and romance of the FA Cup returns with some exciting ties taking place; non-league heroes Luton take on Millwall, Brentford have the chance to cause an upset at Chelsea and fallen greats Leeds take on Manchester City. So which of these exciting games will The Grambler choose? Em, none of them actually. It's a ridiculously dull week and even at that, the predictions look unlikely. But I am due some good luck so maybe this could be the week?
Game 1: Fleetwood Town vs Burton Albion
Prediction: Home win
This could be an important tie in the race for a the League Two title. The two teams are 5th and 6th respectively, separated by goal-difference alone. However, Fleetwood have one game in hand over their opponents and a win today could take them into an automatic promotion spot. Graham Alexander's men have exceeded expectations on their football league début and a promotion this season would be a massive achievement. Burton have improved dramatically from last season, where they only managed a 17th place finish in the league. They will be hopeful of making it five games without defeat today at the Highbury Stadium.
Odds on this result: Evens
Game 2: Forfar Athletic vs Alloa Athletic
Prediction: Away win
And from the excitement of League Two to the excitement of the Scottish Second Division, as the Loons play host to the Wasps. Forfar currently sit 5th and are still in with a shout of a play-off place. They have only lost three of their ten home games this season and top scorer Gavin Swankie already has 12 goals to his name. Alloa are ten points clear of their opponents and sit in 2nd place following a good start to the season. However, they have virtually no hope of catching runaway division leaders Queen of the South, who are 18 points clear at the top. Alloa have only lost two games in their last ten and will be looking to continue this good form.
Odds on this result: 11/8
Game 3: Bury vs Coventry City
Prediction: Home win
Bury are facing the threat of relegation to League Two after a poor season and manager Kevin Blackwell has said that expects his team to put up a fight to the very end. In a disappointing season, the Shakers have only managed five wins in 31 attempts. In their last ten games, they have mustered just one win. The club recently had a transfer embargo lifted and have brought in former Hull and Derby striker Craig Fagan, who could get his first start today. Coventry still have aspirations of promotion and are not too far from the play-off spots. However, they have been plagued by managerial uncertainty this season and are now looking for their third manager of the campaign. Mark Robins had taken the Sky Blues from the bottom of the table up to 8th, but his success caught the eye of Championship side Huddersfield who appointed him as manager midweek. Caretaker Lee Carsley will be in charge today but could the change affect the teams performance?
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 4: Hearts vs Kilmarnock
Prediction: Away win
Despite paying some of the highest wages in the SPL (when they actually remember to pay them), Hearts currently sit 10th in the table. The top and bottom spots in the SPL are all but decided but the rest is incredibly open and the Jam Tarts could still be in with a chance of 2nd place. They added Scotland international Danny Wilson and promising youngster Michael Ngoo on loan from Liverpool in the transfer window and both have made an immediate impact. Kilmarnock have had mixed fortunes throughout the season and have drawn a few more games than they would have liked. A fine win against reigning world champions Motherwell last weekend was followed by a good draw at Inverness midweek, they will be aiming to build on this form. Manager Kenny Shiels will be watching from the stands after a sending off in the Inverness game. His reaction was to climb on top of the dug out. He appears to be a bit of a mental.
Odds on this result: 3/1
Game 5: Ipswich Town vs Blackpool
Prediction: Home win
Ipswich make their second Grambler appearance in a row. In a rare correct prediction, they lost to Blackburn last weekend. Could the Tractorboys remain Grambler friendly with a victory this time around? Ipswich may see a home game against managerless Blackpool as a good chance to move clear of the relegation zone. They will also be encouraged by the fact that Blackpool have never won at Portman Road. Blackpool started the season well but have been hampered by managerial change, with both Ian Holloway and Michael Appleton head-hunted by fellow Championship clubs. The latest name to be linked to the vacancy is former England international Paul Ince whose son Tom currently stars for the Seasiders. However, Ince has not exactly had a breathtaking managerial career and Blackpool may instead continue to pursue their number one target, Owen Coyle. In the reverse fixture earlier in the season, Blackpool thrashed Ipswich 6-0.
Odds on this result: 8/5
It's not a great bet this weekend but not entirely inconceivable. With a few away wins in there, the odds have risen to a respectable 167/1. Or to put it in terms that we all understand, a £1 bet will get you 13.91 Grambler t-shirts!
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
Week 23 Results: Straight from the horse's mouth.
Something is not right. As I understand, whenever a retired figure returns to their field of excellence, it results in miraculous success with many scenes of joy in slow motion backed by a Westlife or Snow Patrol soundtrack. It worked for Lance Armstrong. Oh wait, hang on...
Inverness CT 1 - 3 Celtic
Peterborough United 2 - 1 Leicester City
Swansea City 4 - 1 Queens Park Rangers
Queen of the South 2 - 1 Stenhousemuir
The result could have been very different this week though. Three of our five predictions were correct, which is not all that bad. The other two games were both going swimmingly. Both Inverness and Leicester led by a goal and it looked like some money could be heading our way. Or it least it would have looked like that had Inverness not blown my coupon by lunchtime, deeming the rest of the afternoon a waste of time.
Ah well, at least it's not as embarrassing as the revelation that BBC Football 'expert' Mark Lawrenson has a lesser knowledge of football than Hulk Hogan.
The results in full were:
Blackburn Rovers 1 - 0 Ipswich Town
A messy goal from a goalmouth scramble was the only difference in a scrappy game at Ewood Park. Scotland striker Jordan Rhodes has claimed the goal as the last Rovers player to touch the ball but Ipswich keeper Stephen Henderson is probably due credit too.
Inverness CT 1 - 3 Celtic
Celtic fielded a relatively weakened team ahead of their Champions League clash with Juventus but, despite taking the lead, Inverness failed to take advantage of this. Second half goals from Rami Gershon and Miku ensured the visitors left with three points.
Peterborough United 2 - 1 Leicester City
A much needed win for the Posh to keep their survival hopes alive. Leicester blew the chance to close the gap on Cardiff as a late Grant McCann strike sealed the win for the home team.
Swansea City 4 - 1 Queens Park Rangers
Michu remembered where the net was to bag a brace in a fine win for the Swans. 'Arry's QPR are adrift at the bottom of the Premiership, four points from 19th placed Wigan (although if you take a look back at the Lawro link, you'll see that they are 7th going by his predictions.)
Queen of the South 2 - 1 Stenhousemuir
The Doonhammers moved 18 points clear at the top of the Second Division following a narrow win. Derek Young and Chris Mitchell had given the home side a comfortable lead but Mark Corcoran pulled one back for the visitors.
One new betting market has appeared this week, namely the installation of a new Pope. I decided that it would be worthwhile to somehow allow The Grambler to give a prediction on this, so I painstakingly compiled a list of every man on earth for His Randomness to choose from. I can confirm that my money for the next Pope is on... Keith Gillespie. You heard it here first!
I shall return next weekend, hopeful as ever of lifting the curse which has stopped us from winning the megabucks thus far. On an unrelated note, are you looking to gain the respect of your friends, relatives, enemies or another miscellaneous grouping of people? Click here for the answer to your prayers!
One new betting market has appeared this week, namely the installation of a new Pope. I decided that it would be worthwhile to somehow allow The Grambler to give a prediction on this, so I painstakingly compiled a list of every man on earth for His Randomness to choose from. I can confirm that my money for the next Pope is on... Keith Gillespie. You heard it here first!
I shall return next weekend, hopeful as ever of lifting the curse which has stopped us from winning the megabucks thus far. On an unrelated note, are you looking to gain the respect of your friends, relatives, enemies or another miscellaneous grouping of people? Click here for the answer to your prayers!
Saturday, 9 February 2013
Week 23 (although we missed a few...): The much heralded return of The Grambler!
There comes a point in every player's career where they decide enough is enough, hang up the ol' boots, take off the ol' shin-guards and air out the ol' jockstrap. Tradition stated that footballers would invest in a pub. Or in Paul Gascoigne's case, drink the contents of several (oh shut up, it's topical!)
But for some players, the call of the beautiful game is too alluring. Stanley Matthews played on until the age of 50. Romario came out of retirement to go on to claim a (disputed) 1,000th career-goal. More recently, Paul Scholes came out of retirement to prove that he could still trot around the midfield looking fat and ginger whilst occasionally scoring a screamer.
So whilst injuries and ailments have curtailed what was a most promising Grambling career, there is no reason why I should throw in the towel just yet. I have been in talks with my various agents who have all begged me to re-consider my knee-jerk retiral and I have decided to continue for the time being. So watch out bowel cancer, I ain't done fighting you yet! That massive multi-hundred pounds windfall for the Booby Moore Fund could be just a weekend away!
Oh, and did I mention the Grambler t-shirt? I'm pretty sure that I mentioned the Grambler t-shirt. You should buy a Grambler t-shirt! A few people have already bought a Grambler t-shirt. The Grambler t-shirt in question looks very nice too!
Game 1: Blackburn Rovers vs Ipswich Town
Prediction: Home win
Remember the days when Blackburn would appear here every week? Well since then, they have apppointed approximately 143 managers. Currently enjoying his 15 minutes in the hotseat is Michael Aplleton, who joined Rovers after a spell of five games in charge of Blackpool. But his knowledge of chicken based products earned him the trust of the Ewood Park bosses and he has guided Rovers to a towering position of... em.. 13th in the Championship. Rovers could give a début to new loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell. Ipswich have also been affected by managerial change this season. Paul Jewell insisted that he could turn the Tractorboys' season around but was relieved of his duties back in October with the side dead bottom. Mick McCarthy has since brought some stability but the club are only four points outside of the relegation zone. They will also have to make-do without their top-scorer who bagged ten goals in the first half of the season only to return to his parent club in January. The man in question? Loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell.
Odds on this result: Evens
Game 2: Inverness Caledonian Thistle vs Celtic
Prediction: Home win
It's a top of the table clash at the Tulloch Caledonian Stadium where 2nd will play host to 1st on a chilly Highland Saturday morning. Exciting stuff! Or it least, it would be if the championship was not already a foregone conclusion. But ignoring top and bottom in the SPL, it's actually a rather exciting season. Honest! Just nine points separate 2nd top from 2nd bottom and the the race for second place in the absence of one half of the Old Firm (who are busy releasing some bizarre paranoia-fuelled statements about the media, so cringeworthy that anyone would think that they were written by Jim Traynor...) is wide open. Terry Butcher has voiced concerns over the fitness of forwards Richie Foran and Andrew Shinnie, but if it comes to it, I'm sure he'll find some fresh meat. Celtic will be favourites to win this match, without a doubt, but two things may stand in their way; 1) they have slipped up in this fixture in the past and 2) they may have one eye on a particularly bigger tie on Tuesday. Namely, the Conference Premier battle between Cambridge United and Alfreton Town. Celtic will be without Efe Ambrose who is either representing Nigeria at the African Cup of Nations or at a sales conference for creamy Devon Custard products.
Odds on this result: 9/2
Game 3: Peterborough United vs Leicester City
Prediction: Away win
Poorly Peterborough currently prop up the Championship table with a meagre 27 points. One win in the last five attempts will have given the Posh faithful little to smile about, but it's not all bad news; they have only lost 60% of their home games this season. Oh wait, it is all bad news. To top of a miserable spell for the side, club captain and notable prankster Gabriel Zakuani has been charged with animal cruelty for stapling a blindfold on to George Boyd's guide dog. Meanwhile, Leicester are riding high and sipping champagne-substitute in the lofty perch of 2nd place. Despite a 10 point gap between the Foxes and top-side Cardiff, Leicester are the only team in the league to have managed a 100% record for their games played in 2013. Can they hold their nerve for an automatic promotion spot? According to this source: Maybe! The sides have met already this season, Leicester emerging victorious thanks to goals from King and Morgan. Or some guy called King Morgan, my records are a little jumbled.
Odds on this result: 7/10
Game 4: Swansea City vs Queens Park Rangers
Prediction: Home win
For the past two years, Swansea have been everyone's Yeah, I Don't Really Support Them But They're Nice To Watch And I Like To See Them Win As Long As It Is Not Against My Own Team team. Their blend of stylish football under Brendan Rodgers has been replaced by a blend of stylish football under Michel Laudrup and let's face it, everyone currently has a bit of a man-crush on Michu. But stylish football only counts for so much and the Swans have only won 2 in 10. In 5 of those games, they failed to score a single goal. With Laudrup selling Danny Graham in the transfer window without replacing him, and Michu going 6 games without a goal, can they maintain their top-six status? QPR have had a tough season. I would have liked to have seen them turn it around and survive, I really would. But then they appointed Harry Redknapp. (Alleged) tax-evader, (alleged) bribe-taker, player tapper-upper, best-buddies-with-the-media, smug, 'England's saviour', wheeler-dealer... He really is the most unlikeable bawbag in football, isn't he? Coming in as QPR manager, he promised new tactics and a fresh outlook... Of course he didn't! I was just kidding! He waited for the transfer window, hung out of his car window all day chatting up the journos and threw piles and piles of cash at players! £12 million for Samba? I'll take three! Loic Remy wants how much a week? Double it! With any luck they will go down, but loveable 'Arry will jump ship, blame the chairman and find a bank account in a dead pet's name full of cash to enjoy, whilst Henry Winter and the other dinosaurs in the football media push for him to get a knighthood. As for QPR? Financial ruin. Players leaving for minimal fees. Wage promises that cannot be fulfilled. How are Portsmouth doing these days? Top, top lad, that 'Arry is! Summary: I don't like him.
Odds on this result: 5/6
Game 5: Queen of the South vs Stenhousemuir
Prediction: Home win
And this week's Grambler fizzles out there, with a trip to the Scottish Second Division where league-leaders Queen of the South take on a Stenhousemuir side which has faltered around the table's midway point for most of the season. Queens' manager Allan Johnston has his side playing with mucho confidence at the moment and this is shown in their record of eight wins and a draw in the last nine games. Surprisingly, Johnston is a) The Alan Johnston who was capped 18 times by Scotland (mostly by Berti 'everyone gets a cap!' Vogts) and b) Still playing despite being 56. With odds of 9/1 to take all three points from this game, the visitors may not fancy their chances. But fans may be placated purely by the fact that their team has a player called Daniel Exposito-Hepburn. Seriously, read that name again... It has everything! I can imagine a Bond villain, Hollywood star, royal family hanger-on and corrupt African diamond mine owner rolled into one. See what your missing out on, BBC? Stay tuned for more expert analysis courtesy of The Grambler!
Odds on this result: 2/7
Which brings us to a grand total 44/1 for this weeks proud return to the Grambling arena. Not a bad bet really, the main cause for concern is obviously our trip to the Highlands for the SPL game but Juventus beckon for Celtic and a hiccup would be understandable.
With that over and done with, it's time to take of the ol' boots off once again and pour a nice cuppa to reflect upon a glorious career... One which may now continue into the twilight years (or months(or weeks)).
Oh, and did I mention the Grambler t-shirt? I'm pretty sure that I mentioned the Grambler t-shirt. You should buy a Grambler t-shirt! A few people have already bought a Grambler t-shirt. The Grambler t-shirt in question looks very nice too!
Game 1: Blackburn Rovers vs Ipswich Town
Prediction: Home win
Remember the days when Blackburn would appear here every week? Well since then, they have apppointed approximately 143 managers. Currently enjoying his 15 minutes in the hotseat is Michael Aplleton, who joined Rovers after a spell of five games in charge of Blackpool. But his knowledge of chicken based products earned him the trust of the Ewood Park bosses and he has guided Rovers to a towering position of... em.. 13th in the Championship. Rovers could give a début to new loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell. Ipswich have also been affected by managerial change this season. Paul Jewell insisted that he could turn the Tractorboys' season around but was relieved of his duties back in October with the side dead bottom. Mick McCarthy has since brought some stability but the club are only four points outside of the relegation zone. They will also have to make-do without their top-scorer who bagged ten goals in the first half of the season only to return to his parent club in January. The man in question? Loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell.
Odds on this result: Evens
Game 2: Inverness Caledonian Thistle vs Celtic
Prediction: Home win
It's a top of the table clash at the Tulloch Caledonian Stadium where 2nd will play host to 1st on a chilly Highland Saturday morning. Exciting stuff! Or it least, it would be if the championship was not already a foregone conclusion. But ignoring top and bottom in the SPL, it's actually a rather exciting season. Honest! Just nine points separate 2nd top from 2nd bottom and the the race for second place in the absence of one half of the Old Firm (who are busy releasing some bizarre paranoia-fuelled statements about the media, so cringeworthy that anyone would think that they were written by Jim Traynor...) is wide open. Terry Butcher has voiced concerns over the fitness of forwards Richie Foran and Andrew Shinnie, but if it comes to it, I'm sure he'll find some fresh meat. Celtic will be favourites to win this match, without a doubt, but two things may stand in their way; 1) they have slipped up in this fixture in the past and 2) they may have one eye on a particularly bigger tie on Tuesday. Namely, the Conference Premier battle between Cambridge United and Alfreton Town. Celtic will be without Efe Ambrose who is either representing Nigeria at the African Cup of Nations or at a sales conference for creamy Devon Custard products.
Odds on this result: 9/2
Game 3: Peterborough United vs Leicester City
Prediction: Away win
Poorly Peterborough currently prop up the Championship table with a meagre 27 points. One win in the last five attempts will have given the Posh faithful little to smile about, but it's not all bad news; they have only lost 60% of their home games this season. Oh wait, it is all bad news. To top of a miserable spell for the side, club captain and notable prankster Gabriel Zakuani has been charged with animal cruelty for stapling a blindfold on to George Boyd's guide dog. Meanwhile, Leicester are riding high and sipping champagne-substitute in the lofty perch of 2nd place. Despite a 10 point gap between the Foxes and top-side Cardiff, Leicester are the only team in the league to have managed a 100% record for their games played in 2013. Can they hold their nerve for an automatic promotion spot? According to this source: Maybe! The sides have met already this season, Leicester emerging victorious thanks to goals from King and Morgan. Or some guy called King Morgan, my records are a little jumbled.
Odds on this result: 7/10
Game 4: Swansea City vs Queens Park Rangers
Prediction: Home win
For the past two years, Swansea have been everyone's Yeah, I Don't Really Support Them But They're Nice To Watch And I Like To See Them Win As Long As It Is Not Against My Own Team team. Their blend of stylish football under Brendan Rodgers has been replaced by a blend of stylish football under Michel Laudrup and let's face it, everyone currently has a bit of a man-crush on Michu. But stylish football only counts for so much and the Swans have only won 2 in 10. In 5 of those games, they failed to score a single goal. With Laudrup selling Danny Graham in the transfer window without replacing him, and Michu going 6 games without a goal, can they maintain their top-six status? QPR have had a tough season. I would have liked to have seen them turn it around and survive, I really would. But then they appointed Harry Redknapp. (Alleged) tax-evader, (alleged) bribe-taker, player tapper-upper, best-buddies-with-the-media, smug, 'England's saviour', wheeler-dealer... He really is the most unlikeable bawbag in football, isn't he? Coming in as QPR manager, he promised new tactics and a fresh outlook... Of course he didn't! I was just kidding! He waited for the transfer window, hung out of his car window all day chatting up the journos and threw piles and piles of cash at players! £12 million for Samba? I'll take three! Loic Remy wants how much a week? Double it! With any luck they will go down, but loveable 'Arry will jump ship, blame the chairman and find a bank account in a dead pet's name full of cash to enjoy, whilst Henry Winter and the other dinosaurs in the football media push for him to get a knighthood. As for QPR? Financial ruin. Players leaving for minimal fees. Wage promises that cannot be fulfilled. How are Portsmouth doing these days? Top, top lad, that 'Arry is! Summary: I don't like him.
Odds on this result: 5/6
Game 5: Queen of the South vs Stenhousemuir
Prediction: Home win
And this week's Grambler fizzles out there, with a trip to the Scottish Second Division where league-leaders Queen of the South take on a Stenhousemuir side which has faltered around the table's midway point for most of the season. Queens' manager Allan Johnston has his side playing with mucho confidence at the moment and this is shown in their record of eight wins and a draw in the last nine games. Surprisingly, Johnston is a) The Alan Johnston who was capped 18 times by Scotland (mostly by Berti 'everyone gets a cap!' Vogts) and b) Still playing despite being 56. With odds of 9/1 to take all three points from this game, the visitors may not fancy their chances. But fans may be placated purely by the fact that their team has a player called Daniel Exposito-Hepburn. Seriously, read that name again... It has everything! I can imagine a Bond villain, Hollywood star, royal family hanger-on and corrupt African diamond mine owner rolled into one. See what your missing out on, BBC? Stay tuned for more expert analysis courtesy of The Grambler!
Odds on this result: 2/7
Which brings us to a grand total 44/1 for this weeks proud return to the Grambling arena. Not a bad bet really, the main cause for concern is obviously our trip to the Highlands for the SPL game but Juventus beckon for Celtic and a hiccup would be understandable.
With that over and done with, it's time to take of the ol' boots off once again and pour a nice cuppa to reflect upon a glorious career... One which may now continue into the twilight years (or months(or weeks)).
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Week 22: C'est le Grambler finalment!
It was with great sadness that I bring news of the end. For real this time, none of yer fake Mayan nonsense.
Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to get the giant novelty cheque made up! Had I made it to the end of the season, it would inevitably have been millions, but they will have to settle for almost £60 for now. You too could donate in honour of The Grambler by clicking the link in the side bar.
Which leaves me nothing to say other than the following:
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu...
Santé!
Many of you who have followed The Grambler will know that I started this project as a pet-project whilst recovering from bowel cancer surgery. I wanted to combine the awesome power of betting with the awesome power of football gambling to raise money and awareness against the evil power of bowel cancer, having been diagnosed at far too young an age myself.
Unfortunately, my condition has taken a turn for the worse over the past few weeks and I shall soon be departing for the Great Ladbrokes in the Sky. Perhaps most frustratingly (although probably not) is that I will not be able to finish this season's Grambling. But after 22 weeks, a MASSIVE £59.03 in winnings, almost 4,000 visitors from around the world and a lorra, lorra laughs/groans, we have reached the end. I am proud of this project in an odd way and thankful to everyone who took the time to visit.
But worry ye not, The Grambler may some day rise from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix, with Grambler fan and awesome fatherperson Papa Grambler keen to take on the project. Stay tuned and you may well see a return for the 2013/14 season, full of awful jokes, awful puns and awful predictions. It would make me proud!
I urge anyone who reads this to head over to the Cancer Research Information on Bowel Cancer website and have a look around. It is a cancer which is increasingly affecting younger men and it would help so much if people simply knew what to watch out for.
Here is proof of the donation to the good people at the Bobby Moore Fund:
Here is proof of the donation to the good people at the Bobby Moore Fund:
Which leaves me nothing to say other than the following:
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu...
Best Premiership winning back-four of the noughties!
Santé!
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