An end of season update...

Sadly, we have reached the end of the season!  And with no World Cup or European Championship to keep us entertain this year, there will be no more Grambling until August.  Nooooooooooooo!  In the meantime, I will continue to post nonsense and ramblings on football on here occasionally, just to remind everyone that the new Grambling season is just around the corner!

I'd like to thank you for your support throughout the season.  As you know, this project was set up to raise some funds and awareness for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research and I am pleased to announce that throughout the season, we have managed to raise...

I'm rather pleased with that, and if you've enjoyed this adventure as much as me, please do click on the link to the right of the page and make a donation.  Every little helps in the fight against the massive turd that is bowel cancer!

And here is a quick and dirty football gag from Rubbertoe Mankini for your enjoyment on this beautiful summer's day...

Week 36: What the Hell do we do now!?

You may recall last season ending in rather dramatic fashion with that Aguero stoppage type goal against QPR prising the title from the clutches of Manchester United.  Well, this season is slightly different.  The relegation spots are filled, the title has been decided, runners-up are already in place and unless something ridiculous happens, Chelsea have have third sewn up.  So the only matter of interest is the race for fourth place.  Can you feel the excitement?  No, neither can I.  

There are of course play-off finals taking place which are far more exciting. With places up for grabs in the Championship and Premiership, Brentford will take on Yeovil tomorrow and Crystal Palace play Watford a week on Monday respectively.  And of course the Champions League final takes place next weekend so there is still something to look forward to.  But then, a whole summer without football!  Nooooooooooooooo!

This week's Grambler is made up entirely from Premiership games.  We have the usual three game accumulator and since it's the last round of games of the season... The Super Mega Awesome Grambler!  A ten game accumulator attempting to pick the winners of every Premiership games at random...  This is the bet that will prove whether there really are any footballing Gods supporting The Grambler!

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Sunderland - Home win - 2/7

West Brom vs Man Utd - Draw - 29/10

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Away win - 11/20

£1 @ 7/1

Oddly, The Grambler has managed to choose the only two games that actually matter in this accumulator, adding a little excitement to the proceedings.  Spurs will be hopeful of bettering Arsenal's result to pinch fourth place and the delicious Champions League football that comes with it.  Sunderland do not need to achieve anything following Wigan's midweek relegation but manager and horrible fascist (lest we forget) Paulo Di Canio might still have to prove to some supporters that he is the man to lead them next season.  Tickets are allegedly changing hands for thousands of pounds ahead of West Brom's tie against Man Utd.  This will of course be Sir Alex Ferguson's last game in charge and perhaps we should expect him to round off an illustrious career with a win.  The Baggies have also had a reasonable season and a point against the Champions would conclude things nicely.  Arsenal travel to Tyneside needing a win to secure fourth spot in the league but given the right results elsewhere, could force a 3rd/4th place play-off with Chelsea.  It is highly unlikely, however.  Newcastle will be relieved to find themselves safe having unexpectedly been dragged into a relegation fight towards the end of the season.  As with most teams at this stage of the season, they will no doubt still send out a strong starting line-up with instructions to win purely for the purposes of selling season tickets for next year.

Super Mega Awesome Grambler! accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Chelsea vs Everton - Home win - 8/11

Liverpool vs QPR - Draw - 6/1

Man City vs Norwich - Home win - 1/3

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Draw - 18/5

Southampton vs Stoke - Away win - 4/1

Swansea vs Fulham - Home win - 4/5

Spurs vs Sunderland - Draw - 5/1

West Brom vs Man Utd - Away win - 5/6

West Ham vs Reading - Home win - 4/6

Wigan vs Aston Villa - Away win - 13/5

50p @ 44,048/1

Check out those odds!  I am genuinely excited by this bet!  It is so horrendously wrong that it has to be right!  What a perfect way to round of the season that would be too.  I can then sell my story to the Daily Record or some equally poor 'newspaper', write the Grambler book over the summer, start recording my Christmas single in Autumn and by the end of the year, an estimated £1.6 million will on it's way to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!  Not that I'm setting my hopes unreasonably high or anything...

We shall return next week for the final Grambler of the season, a Champions League special. And then, who knows...?

STOP PRESS!!!!
Exciting news as I have decided to add a Eurovision bet to this week's proceedings!  The Grambler has selected Russia, who this year shall be represented by Dina Garipova singing What If (which turns out not to be a Lightning Seeds cover).  I'm not sure about this choice... Russia were robbed last year as the singing grannies of Buranovskiye Babushki were by far the best act of the night but failed to take the gong, maybe this could be their year?  The Russian entry is 16/1 to win outright so I have bet a quid each way and any winnings will go to the usual charidee.  Here is Miss Garipova in action for those of you curious enough...

Week 35: Nation in shock as 71 year old retires!

We should get this over with quickly, nothing of note has happened in the past week football-wise...

Oh wait, some old geezer has decided it is time to retire and move into a new role as puppetmaster director and ambassador at Old Traffford.  Yes, the time has finally come for Sir Alex Ferguson to retire after 26 years and 38 trophies with Manchester United.  It is the end of an era as the manager many have hailed as the greatest of all time laves the dugout for the last time.  One has to admire his many achievements; the treble in 1999, his tactical nous, his handling of the media, his ability to spot raw talent...  But personally, I believe that his greatest moment was that time that he twatted David Beckham on the head with a football boot.

Fellow irate Scotsman and Everton manager David Moyes has been given the thankless task of replacing Ferguson.  Whilst most critics have agreed that this is a wise move, with the key motive of maintaining a formula that has provided years success and stability to the club, many United fans have been angered by the appointment.  But then again, most United fans I have ever met have been idiots...

Sad news elsewhere as Aston Villa captain Stillian Petrov has been forced to retire as he continues his battle against leukaemia.  He has decided to devote his time to setting up a foundation to help sufferers of the bastarding disease.  Yet further proof, as if it were needed, that cancer is a big hairy arse.  You should really donate some money to help the fight against said big hairy arse.  How about donating to the Bobby Moore Fund?  They seem nice.

Sadly, the end of the season is nigh...  Two rounds of games remain in the Premiership with the final Champions League place and relegation spot still to be filled.  Similarly, there are still two games to play in the SPL, with the mighty Motherwell one point away from securing second place.  In the lower leagues of England and Scotland, the play-offs are already well under-way; most notably one of Watford, Brighton, Crystal Palace or Leicester will earn a coveted place in the Premiership.  And Manchester City will face Wigan on Saturday in an FA Cup final which is surely a foregone conclusion...  I mean, there's just no way that City's attack are getting past Gary Caldwell!  So there are only about 20 Grambleable games to choose from this weekend, but we shall bravely Gramble on to the bitter end!  Two bets of three this week, plus an extra special FA Cup final bet which has been calculated in the most spectacular Grambler fashion yet!

Three game all-league accumulator

Game - result - odds

St Mirren vs Aberdeen - Home win - 9/5

Peterhead vs Queen's Park - Home win - 4/5 

Crystal Palace vs Brighton - Draw - 23/10

50p @ 16/1

Meanwhile, back where Alex Ferguson won his first silverware... St Mirren take on the sheep-fanciers of Aberdeen in a meaningless wind-down game.  Dundee's relegation last week confirmed the Buddies survival whilst the Dons have pretty much cemented 7th place in the SPL.  Staying in Scotland, Peterhead go into the second-leg of their play-off tie against Queen's Park with a 1-0 lead thanks to a stoppage time penalty on Wednesday night.  The Blue Toon also defeated the Spiders 3-0 in the final round of league ties so could make it three-in-a-row on Sunday.  On Friday night, Crystal Palace and Brighton square up in the first leg of their play-off tie.  Much is at stake with promotion worth an estimated £60 million to Championship promotees.  Palace have not appeared in the top-flight since 2005 but Brighton have yet to make a Premiership appearance.

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - result - odds

Man Utd vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3

Stoke vs Tottenham - Away win - 10/11

Sunderland vs Southampton - 13/8

£1 @ 6/1

With the title already secured and Ferguson's imminent retirement, Man Utd fans will be turning out for a celebration rather than a competitive match on Sunday.  Likewise, Swansea will be celebrating another good year in the Premiership (along with League Cup triumph) so expect a party atmosphere and meaningless game at Old Trafford.  Stoke have slogged out the second half of the season and rumours abound that Tony Pullis will depart.  They may be out to prove a point in their final home game.  Tottenham continue to tussle with Arsenal for the sought-after final Champions League place and will see this as a must-win match.  Although Wigan look likely to join QPR and Reading in the Championship next season, there is still a chance either Sunderland or Southampton giving this game an air of a relegation battle. Both sides gambled by sacking their managers late in the season band it could pay off for either or both if they can avoid the dreaded drop.

Super extra special far-fetched and convoluted FA Cup bet

It would be a shame not to have a bet on the FA Cup final, but to choose either Manchester City or Wigan to win would be a) a tad boring and b) unlikely to win anything worthwhile.  So it made much more sense to enter the most complex formula into the Grambler spreadsheet of this season to come up with a prediction for an actual result and first goalscorer.  Obviously this is type of betting has not been outlined in the rules of The Grambler but then those of you who have been following may have noticed that I have changed the rules every couple of weeks anyway.  Also, it's Christmas so why not?  In the unlikely outcome that Manchester City and Wigan draw 1-1 with Pablo Zabaleta scoring the first goal, a cool £70 will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund courtesy of a 50p bet with odds of 140/1.  How do you like them apples?

That is all from the penultimate Grambler of the season.  No go forth and celebrate.  Perhaps by buying several Grambler t-shirts (go on, you know you want one!)

Week 33: Nooooo, not Rolf!

They say that a lot can happen in a week of football.  This week virtually nothing happened and a man punched a horse.  That is this week's summary for you.

Here are the bets...

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Hamilton vs Raith - Home win - 5/4
Aldershot vs Dag & Red - Away win - 14/5
Queen's Park vs East Stirling - Home win - 2/7
Norwich vs Reading - Draw - 11/4
Liverpool vs Chelsea - Home win - 23/20
50p @ 88/1


Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
QPR vs Stoke - Home win - 6/5
Sunderland vs Everton - Home win -9/4
Swansea vs Southampton - Home win - 13/10
50p @ 15/1


Three player anytime goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Olivier Giroud -Fulham vs Arsenal - 5/4
Sergio Aguero - Tottenham vs Man City - 8/5 
Juan Mata - Liverpool vs Chelsea - 5/2
50p @20/1

To save you the effort of dusting off the ol' calculator, I can confirm that the potential winnings of this week's bets combined are a humongous... £61.50!!!  As always, any winnings shall be donated to the good folks at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research, for cancer is a half-witted rapscallion and should be stopped.  Grambling is the only way!

Week 32: Teri Hatcher's dead!?

Okay, so the whole horse racing thing didn't work out too well.  After a short trip to the dog food factory, I'm willing to put that all behind us and from now on stick to Buckaroo when I'm in the mood for horsing around.  And so we return to what we know best this week... Football!*  And by 'know best', I clearly mean what we know very little about but Google thankfully fills in the blanks.  

*Although I am tempted to put some money on the French to win the real -life Quidditch World Cup...

A week of Champions League excitement saw Borussia Dortmund leave it late to beat a spunky Malaga side, Galatasaray give Real Madrid a run for their money and an injured Leo Messi still managing to make the difference against PSG, setting up the goal to see them through to the semi-finals.  Another league manager was carelessly tossed onto the scrapheap as Sheffield United parted ways with 1980s Scottish pop-rock group Danny Wilson.  The incredibly unlikeable Neil Warnock has already emerged as a contender for the vacancy.  And the Daily Mail started a campaign to have a minute silence at each weekend game to mark the death of Big Mags Thatcher, apparently oblivious to the fact that a large proportion of the country were less than enamoured to her.  Because obviously any attempt to have a minute silence in the name of Thatcher would end well, wouldn't it?  It's almost as if they want to anger people and have them boo their way through a minute's tribute in order to whip up a frenzy and feed off the outrage...  Oh wait, it's the Daily Mail.  That's exactly what they want.

And on that note, we move onto this weekend's football.  The Tyne-and-Wear derby could be the pick of the Premiership games, although the prospect of Southampton vs West Ham is tremendously exciting... Chelsea and Man City square-off for a place in the FA Cup final whilst in the other semi-final, Wigan and Millwall will compete in a half-empty Wembley...  And in Scotland, Hibs play Falkirk and Dundee United face Celtic for a place in the Scottish Cup Final.  But what does The Grambler have to say about it all?  Well, this:

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Newcastle vs Sunderland - Home win - 19/20

Stevenage vs Yeovil - Draw - 12/5

Dag & Red vs Oxford Utd - Home win - 6/5

Leeds vs Sheff Wed - Away win - 21/10

Wolves vs Huddersfield - Home win - 11/10

50p @ 94/1

Three game accumulator from the Premiership and FA Cup

Game - Result - Odds

Stoke vs Man Utd - Away win - 4/7

Chelsea vs Man City - Home win* - 21/10

Southampton vs West Ham - Home win - 17/20

£1 @ 8/1

*Obviously not actually a home game.  Result is after 90 minutes.

Three player any-time goalscorer accumulator

Player - Game - Odds

Theo Walcott - Arsenal vs Norwich - 10/11

Wayne Rooney - Stoke vs Man Utd - 6/4

Christian Benteke - Aston Villa vs Fulham - 11/10

50p @ 8/1

And that's yer lot for today.  In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund.  In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.  

Don't drink and Gramble.

Week 31: Now featuring horses!

Yes, you read that right... HORSES!  It's the Grand National weekend and whilst I couldn't normally care less about horse racing (it's pretty cruel to be honest), I seem to have a habit of picking a winning overgrown donkey each year.  But what sayeth The Grambler?  He/She/It has already proved him/her/it-self to be incapable of selecting winning football results, but how about winning horses?  So this week, we will have one five game accumulator from the football leagues and one horse flavoured bet from the Grand National.  I can't lose!  Unless I do, in which case I can.

On the football front, it has been another eventful week...  Stealing the headlines was horrible fascist Paulo Di Canio who has finally been criticised for being a horrible fascist.  Strangely, this was rarely mentioned during his playing days or management of Swindon but suddenly everyone has an opinion on it.  I would just like to point out that The Grambler first lambasted Di Canio for being a horrible fascist back in October and therefore everyone else is plagiarising.  I shall see you in court!  Whilst one irritable cretin gained a job, another lost one as Neil Warnock was sacked by Leeds.  Quite how so many managers are given one job after another for being atrocious (and making millions whilst there at it) is beyond me.  Warnock is said to be taking time out to promote his book.  Why on earth does Neil Warnock have a book deal?  What is wrong with the world?  Elsewhere, the Champions League provided some cracking goals and enjoyable games despite NOT ONE ENGLISH TEAM BEING IN IT!!!!  The media were left shocked that the likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich were able to produce watchable football without the involvement of the Greatest League in the World (TM).  Thankfully, David Beckham made an appearance for PSG to make life worth living again.  Adrian Chiles reckoned Barcelona did not win because they were starstruck in D-Becks' presence.  Adrian Chiles is a tool.

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Walsall vs Sheffield Utd - Home win - 17/10

Dundee Utd vs Aberdeen - Draw - 9/4

MK Dons vs Crawley - Home win - 10/11

Clyde vs Berwick - Draw - 5/2

Birmingham vs Millwall - Away win - 11/5

£1 @ 187/1

Another super-exciting bet this week, it's no wonder we're switching sports!  Four points separate Walsall and Sheffield Utd but the Blades have three games in hand over most of their League 1 rivals.  A 4-0 win over cash-strapped Coventry last week will have given the home-side confidence.  Dundee Utd play host to Aberdeen with both teams chasing a top 6 finish.  Craig Brown will take charge of the Dons for the last time in this clash, with Derek McInnes due to take up the reins.  The outgoing manager has claimed that he has 'left a legacy' for the new boss.  He really is full of shit.  Another close tie in League 1 as there are three points between MK Dons and Crawley.  Both could be outside bets for a play-off spot, but Dons boss Karl Robinson could be Championship bound anyway after being linked with the vacancy at Leeds.  Clyde have little left to play for this season, sitting five points clear of the bottom but ten points from the play-off spots.  However, Berwick are just one point from fourth place and will be eyeing the chance of promotion.  Birmingham and Millwall take on each other in probably the most pointless game of this week's bet.  Sitting 11th and 15th respectively, neither are in threat of relegation or challenging for promotion.  Both teams are in similar form so this one could go either way.  Not the most exciting bet this week but at least the odds are good.  

A huge 187 smackers will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund should a miracle happen and The Grambler actually predicts more than two correct results.

Grand National 2013

Horse - Odds

Chicago Grey - 12/1 @ 50p EW

What A Friend - 50/1 @ 50p EW

Mumbles Head - 100/1 @ 50p EW

My immense knowledge of horse racing normally amounts to picking horses based purely on the name.  So for my in-depth analysis, each horses chances of winning are based purely on how good their moniker is...  First up, Chicago Grey; the odds are pretty good for this one and at present it is 5th favourite to win.  Chicago is an incredibly nice city, proving that this horse surely has a great chance of winning.  However, grey is quite a dull colour so it will definitely come second.  Makes sense, no?  What A Friend is a bit of an outsider but must surely stand a chance with such a happy name.  I imagine that his racing abilities are limited but he gets along ridiculously well with every other horse and always shares his sweets, there is not an enemy amongst them.  On this basis, the other horses might let him win just to be nice.  At 100/1, Mumbles Head doesn't stand a chance.  And no wonder with a name like that!  Conjuring images of a confused and lonely old man, potentially and alcoholic, this horse is inevitably bullied by many of the other horses.  Not by What A Friend though, he's too nice.

John McCririck eat your heart out!  No seriously, please do.  Live on TV.  Actually, I'm going to find out what the odds on that happening are...

Week 30: Happy Jesus' death day!

Glad to be back to good ol' league football after an international break which proved devastating for both the Grambler's bets and my faith in the Scotland national team.  Wins for Holland and the mighty Uzbekistan on Tuesday gave us a grand total of two out of five correct predictions which the chairman has deemed 'not good enough.'  The newspapers were full of talk of The Grambler's imminent sacking on Wednesday morning but after crunch talks with the board, he/she/it has been given a vote of confidence, but been warned that results must change before the end of the season.  There will be a great deal of pressure on all staff at Grambler Park this week and some good predictions will be expected to alleviate shareholders and fans alike.

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Swansea vs Tottenham - Draw - 2/5
Aberdeen vs Hearts - Home win - 7/5
Preston vs Portsmouth - Home win - 4/6
Ipswich vs Leeds - Home win - 23/20
Queen of the South vs Brechin - Home win - 4/11
50p @ 39/1

With Tottenham looking to seize 4th place from rivals Chelsea, a trip to Swansea may appear daunting.  The League cup winners may be back in 9th place but their home form has been impressive this season.  Swansea manager Michael Laudrup has warned Spurs that they could suffer from the 'FIFA virus'; an illness comparable to chlamydia whereby a one-night stand with international football leaves one unable to perform.  Aberdeen have finally moved Granpaw Broon into a granny flat beside Pittodrie and appointed former St Johnstone boss Derek McInnes, breaking a club tradition of only stealing Motherwell managers.  The Dons sit 9th in the SPL, although the fans still reckon that it's 1989 and they're challenging for the title.  Hearts have already been through their annual managerial turmoil, replacing John McGlynn with Gary Locke who will inevitably be sacked at the end of the season anyway.  Preston boss Simon Grayson has pretty much written off this season but claims that the foundations are in place for a promotion push next year.  He has overseen just one win in six games since taking over.  Portsmouth look likely to continue their unstoppable slide down the leagues with relegation to League Two this year.  It's almost like spending beyond their means in the Premiership leading to financial instability and seasons of poor performances on the pitch was a bad idea.  Who was manager then again?  Oh yeah, 'Sir' Harry Redknapp...  Since taking over as Ipswich gaffer earlier in the season, Mick McCarthy has taken his side from bottom to something resembling safety.  However, the Tractorboys have the lowest number of goals for in the Championship.  And the worst nickname.  Neil Warnock has said that if Leeds fail to gain promotion to the Premiership this season, he will leave the club.  Currently 10th, a play-off spot is not mathematically impossible but with 2 wins in the past 10 games, he'd best start packing his  bags.

Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game - Result - Odds
Wigan vs Norwich - Home win - 10/11
Southampton vs Chelsea - Home win - 5/8
Everton vs Stoke - Draw - 11/4
50p @ 24/1

Wigan have reached that point in the season where they occasionally remember to win some games but they are still in the relegation zone.  Roberto Martinez expects his team to attack and be aggressive in their fight for survival.  Apparently Callum McManaman took this too literally...  Norwich have had a good season, although with probably a few more draws than they would like.  They have already started planning for next season by bolstering their attack with a club-record signing of the man with the greatest name in world football; Ricky van Wolfswinkel!  Just months ago, Southampton looked like they were already doomed.  But the appointment of Mauricio Pochettino may prove to be a shrewd one with the Saints joint on points with Sunderland in 15th.  Pochettino's only 2 wins have come against Manchester City and Liverpool, so Chelsea might not seem so daunting to him.  The Blues have moved past Spurs to 3rd in the Premiership and Rafa Benitez will be looking to hold onto this position, lest the Chelsea fans somehow turn against him even more.  The reverse fixture ended in a 2-2 draw back in January, and this proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Nigel Adkins.  Everton will once again be aiming to finish ahead of their noisy neighbours this season and so far lead the way with a 3 point advantage as well as a game in hand.  They were surprise victors against Manchester City prior to the international break and will hope that this form will not have been disturbed by the interval.  Stoke look set to end the season with their usual mid-table finish having gained no new fans as a result of their style of football.  But on a positive note, they will no longer be lumbered with the waste of space, self publicising, deluded, former footballer Michael Owen.

Three goalscorer accumulator
Scorer - Match - Odds
Michu - Swansea vs Tottenham - 8/5
Dimitar Berbatov - Fulham vs QPR - 10/11
Edin Dzeko - Manchester City vs Newcastle - 20/21
50p @ 9/1

Michu will undoubtedly go down as the find of the season having cost Michael Laudrup just £2 million and going on to score 15 league goals already this season.  Spurs kept a clean-sheet against Swansea back in December and will be aiming to keep Michu quiet once again.  Berbatov has been a pleasure to watch in the Premiership for the past 7 seasons with some memorable goals.  He is Fulham's top scorer this season with 11 but was not on the scoresheet when QPR defeated Fulham 2-1 earlier in the season.  Dzeko is perhaps the one of the most under-appreciated players at Manchester City with rumours constantly abound that the Bosnian striker will be sold off at the end of the season.  With 12 league goals this season, he is City's top scorer.  However, Roberto Mancini may not start with the striker following his international involvement during the week.

And that's yer lot!  Three relatively plausible bets to follow this weekend which could bring in a massive £36 for the Bobby Moore Fund.  And as always, remember; if you are Grambling under the age of 12, make sure you do so with the help of a responsible adult.

Week 28: All hail Pope Franny Jeffers the First!

Ah, the excitement of Grambling!  Or it is slightly more exciting anyway, thanks to the New! Improved flavour! Grambler.  Last weekend saw us reach half past 5 in the afternoon with two bets still in with a chance of winning...  That,s right, TWO BETS!!! And in a somewhat strange twist of events... One of them actually won!  Granted, it was only £4.50 (damn you Edin Dzeko, you were supposed to score!) but every little helps as we attempt to bring down the bastarding super-villain better known as El Cancero.  With that win, The Grambler (with help from The Grasmblerzhgi) has raised £88.53 for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Hooray!

It makes sense to stick the format which brought mild success last week so we have a further three bets to enjoy this weekend.  If you don't want to know the full-time scores, look away now:

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Celtic vs Aberdeen - Home win - 1/4

Annan vs Clyde - Home win - 4/5

Coventry vs Hartlepool - Home win - 8/11

MK Dons vs Tranmere - Draw - 9/4

Forfar vs Stenhousemuir - Away win - 23/10

50p @ 41/1

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes..."   So sang William Hague, or some other person; I'm not really sure.  Such is the excitement of this week's opening bet.  Can ya feel it!?  No?  Ok , it is slightly dull and for some reason, Coventry keep appearing - perhaps taking all of their turns whilst the club still exists?  There is a potential slip-up for SPL leaders Celtic as Aberdeen travel South... Annan vs Clyde sounds more like a case being dragged through the civil law courts...  Tranmere will still be hopeful of topping League One and a win in Milton Keynes could move them to second spot...  And Stenhousemuir are just not going to beat Forfar but will enjoy the trip and have the chance to stop for some bridies on the way home.

Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9

Aston Villa vs QPR - Draw - 12/5

Man Utd vs Reading - Home win - 1/7

£1 @ 4.6/1

In this weekend's actually interesting bet, the odds are low but the chances of winning are (hopefully) high.  We start at White Hart Lane where Spurs take on Fulham.  Spurs are one of the top teams on form in the Premiership right now but a loss to Liverpool last weekend prevented them from cementing their stranglehold on third place.  Speaking of form, Aston Villa are a bit crap.  The gamble of bringing in Paul Lambert as manager has not quite paid off, but the fans don't mind because he's not Alex McLeish.  Speaking of managers, QPR's Harry Redknapp... Actually, I'm not going to bother.  In other QPR news, on-loan Spurs winger Andros Townsend this week admitted that he's not Gareth Bale, ending month's of speculation.  And a formality to round things off as champions-elect Man Utd take on managerless relegation-fodder Reading.  And according to one journalist, Brian McDermott got the sack because owner Anton Zingarevic didn't find him sexy enough.  Paulo di Canio seems to have emerged as a frontrunner for the vacancy; a folk- hero loved by the people for his crazy antics.  Like being a horrible, violent, self-professed fascist.  Ah crazy Paulo, what will he do next?

Bet 3: Three goalscorer 'anytime' accumulator

Scorer - Game - Odds

Wayne Rooney - Man Utd vs Reading - 1/2

Santi Cazorla - Swansea vs Arsenal - 9/4

Shane Long - Stoke vs West Brom - 9/4

50p @ 15/1

This week's 'anytime goalscorer' bet kicks off with a man who has been in the news a lot recently.  Sir Alex Ferguson this week assured the fans that Wayne Rooney would not be sold at the end of the season, which in Sir's terms generally means he's going to sell him at the end of the season.  Rooney is getting slower, fatter, balder and uglier (wasn't that a Daft Punk song?), but PSG have been linked with a big-money move for the man who can still score plenty of goals.  Santi Cazorla has been one of the brighter points of Arsenal's season as they have crashed out of competition after competition.  Following their narrow failure to survive in the Champions League this week, Arsene Wenger will be expecting a positive reaction.  Can Cazorla assist with a goal?  All signs point to maybe... And finally, Shane Long has already provided West Brom with a respectable six goals this season.  But unfortunately for him, the only reason anyone remembers his name is because he has partenered Simon Cox for club and country.  Making a strike duo of Long - Cox.  Fnar fnar!

A humongous total of £50 is up for grabs this week as The Grambler promises all of the excitement of an episode of Fun House, but without the fun house.  Or the mullet.  Or the go-karts.  Or the twins.  Or the chance to win a fleece.  There is actually very little by way of comparison now that I think about it...

Week 27: Vote Grambler for President of Venezuela!

Still buzzing from the success of The Gramblerzghi last weekend, I have become all the more determined to win some bets and send the proceeds over to the Bobby Moore Fund to assist in the war against bowel cancer; a war which has raged on for 87 years during which time a number of frankly unspeakable war crimes have been committed.

This determination has brought a massive realisation during a brief moment of clarity. In the old format, I did not win very much. With that in mind, famous popular music singer David Bowie has announced "The Grambler is ch-ch-ch-changing.". Poor old guy never did get round to working on that stutter...

So instead of one highly unlikely bet, we now have one highly unlikely bet plus two potential (but unlikely) winners.  The odds on the second and third bets are rather low but any winnings are good winnings.  So without much Freddy Adu, I present to you the all new Grambler (which I'll probably only stick with for one week before becoming lazy and complacent.)

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game, Result, Odds
Stranraer vs Albion Rovers, Home win, 7/10
Scunthorpe vs Coventry, Home win, 2/1
Peterborough vs Ipswich, Away win, 2/1
Birmingham vs Derby, Home win, 13/8
St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock, Home win, 10/11
50p @ 76/1

Bet the first is pretty much the same as the usual farfetched Grambler bet.  Once again, a win looks unlikely here... Perhaps 3 out of the 5 will come out correct.  However, whilst said scenario is possibly the best outcome, them pets don't win prizes as Dale Winton used to say... Actually, I'm not sure that he ever did say that.  I was about to Tweet him and ask but the only accounts for him seem to be fake. So I tweeted original PWP host Danny Baker instead.  


Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game, Result, Odds
Man City vs Barnsley, Home win, 1/7
West Brom vs Swansea, Home win, 29/20
Norwich vs Southampton, Draw, 12/5
50p @ 9/1

Our second bet aims to make The Grambler a touch more exciting by focusing purely on the Bestest League in the World.  For most people, the Premiership represents more exciting football than Torquay vs Accrington Stanley.  So by placing a bet only on Premiership games, the weekend may not be ruined even though the early kick off League Two game has already lost the main bet.  The FA Cup includes many top tier teams this weekend so these games have been included, hence the presence of Barnsley. The bet is not too shabby; Man City are the clear favourites in their match, West Brom have tremendous home form behind them and both Norwich and Southampton are prone to draws.  I should really have included a joke about Tevez putting City in the driving seat just there...

Bet 3: Three man anytime goalscorer accumulator from the Premiership
Player, Odds
Romelu Lukaku, 6/5
Edin Dzeko, 8/13
Steven Fletcher, 6/4
50p @ 8/1

Mixing things up a little, we have a goalscorer bet for the first time ever.  This is a historical moment, perhaps on as par with the moment that the Pope assassinated Trotsky on the moon.  Picked via random number generator from a list of all Premiership players to have scored 5 or more goals this season, the results are interesting.  West Brom's on-loan Lukaku has been in good form recently, whilst Dzeko can be good for a goal if Man City are in control...  The main problem is that he may not start.  Finally, Sunderland's Steve Fletcher has 10 goals thus far, most of which have come at home.  Unfortunately they are away to Ol' Melty Face Redknapp's QPR this afternoon.  Still, this bet may just make this afternoon's Grambling that little bit more enthralling.


A massive total of £48.50 up for grabs today from a £1.50 bet.  Should this format come anywhere close to success I'll be sticking to it.  Otherwise, I'll be doing a Cardinal Keith and pretending that this never happened...

Happy Gramblin!

Week 26 Results: Complimenti! Sapevamo che ce l'avresti fatta!

Well The Grambler did get one prediction correct on Saturday... The prediction that the bet presented was a steaming pile of monkey faeces.  Of the five predictions made last weekend, one... yes that's right, ONE was correct.  This would normally be quite disheartening but for once I shall not be dwelling upon this hopeless, embarrassing, depressing result.

For you see, last weekend was not entirely wasted as The Grambler's official Serie A partner The Gramblerzhgi has been raking it in!  For those you not in-the-know, The Gramblerzhgi has been running for the past seven weeks and is the brainchild of our very own Italian correspondent Andino Tinicelli.  The Gramblerzhgi has placed a number of bets each week at random using the games of Serie A, top goalscorers and occasional other bets that I probably don't even understand.  And this weekend, it paid off with a win of £25 (approximately €29.02)!  Sig. Tinicelli has kindly agreed to get on board with The Grambler and donate the money to them lovely peoples at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Take that cancer, you shit!

This brings the total raised by The Grambler/Gramblerzhgi to....

Hopefully the first of many wins for Sig. Tinicelli!  You can follow the exploits of The Gramblerzhgi via the Grambler Facebook page every weekend or over on that Twitter @Gramblerzhgi.  And don't forget, you can join the fundraising action by following the link to the Bobby Moore Fund on the right-hand menu.  Do it!

Week 26: Or Week 221 in dog years.

BREAKNG NEWS!: An inquest to be held over the lack of successful predictions made by The Grambler. A spokesman for the genderless spreadsheet confirmed "there has been unrest caused by the terrible results selected by him/her.  We have demanded an investigation to identify why he/she continuously coerces us into placing awful bets."  The inquest will be led by Lord Benjamin Terence Parsnip Poshington III and findings are to be presented by January 2015.  

Basically, I'm admitting that I won nothing last week.
Moving on to this week's bet and there's no point in beating about the bush, I may as well just say it; we're screwed already. Game over, man, game over!  If this bet actually wins anything, I will eat a huge platter of IKEA brand horse balls. It's almost worth placing a bet on the opposite of The Grambler's choices, although I'm not too sure what the opposite of a draw is...

So now that I've built up your expectations, here's that bet...

Game 1: Arbroath vs Ayr United
Prediction: Home win
Starting out with the big one, we head for Arbroath for some smokies and some Second Division football.  It's the Red Lichties against the Honest Men in this battle of teams with slightly strange but at least original nicknames.  Only two places separate the two in the league table... but Arbroath are looking to move into the promotion playoff places with a win whilst the visitors will hope to avoid being dragged into a relegation dog fight with a loss.  The home side lost 2-1 when hosting leaders Alloa last weekend and Ayr suffered from a similar scoreline at home to Stenhousemuir.  Form does not tell us much but could The Grambler get off to a good start with a win from the Smokiemunchers? Player/manager Paul Sheer in, in an exclusive Grambler interview, said "maybe."
Odds on this result: 7/2

Game 2: Brentford vs Scunthorpe United
Prediction: Home win
The excitement continues as we head down the country to Griffin Park as the Bees take on the Iron in this contest between two sides with less exciting nicknames.  Uwe Rosler's Brentford team are flying high in League One and still in with a chance of promotion as the season run-in begins; Rosler proving that he is more than just a useful signing in 1997/98 Championship Manager.  Fresh from putting up a brave fight against horrible, horrible Chelsea in the FA Cup, the Bees won 2-1 at Crawley last week to take them 5th in the league and just four points from the top.  At the other end of the table, Brian Laws is nervously glancing back as his Scunthorpe side sit just three points from the relegation zone.  A 1-0 win at Stevenage last weekend would have allowed United to breathe a sigh of relief but they are still at risk of dropping into League Two, thus heaping shame upon local celebrity and BBC weatherman Darren Bett.   Odds on this result: 7/10

Game 3: Coventry City vs Swindon Town
Prediction: Draw
Staying in League Two, and two teams that have been in the headlines recently for different reasons.  First up Coventry, who continue to do their financial situation huge favours by refusing to submit their accounts to the league for the third season running, thus ensuring a fine and another transfer embargo.  Fantastic work from all involved with the running of this club!  City are however still fairing well in the league, in 8th place and still within reach of the playoffs.  Back to back away wins sandwiched a home loss, so home form is not everything.  Meanwhile, Swindon are feeling the effects of breaking up with a psychotic girlfriend manager as well known mentalist Paulo Di Canio walked out on the club, broke back in to steal paintings and is now threatening to sue for some reason or another.  Mostly because he's a mentalist.  The team are soaring in the league though, currently in 4th position.  Former Aston Villa coach Kevin MacDonald has just been installed as manager and will be looking to start his reign with a good result.  His brother, Steve from Coronation Street, will be cheering him on.
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 4: Everton vs Reading
Prediction: Away win
This is where it starts to get a bit unlikely.  Everton could close the gap on Arsenal with a win today whilst Reading look almost certainly doooooomed.  Yet The Grambler has picked the underdogs to win this tie at Goodison Park.  Stranger things have happened... In fact, just last week, the Toffees visited Carrow Road where they were surprisingly humbled by Norwich.  But surely David Moyes will not let this happen two weeks in a row?  Goalkeeper Tim Howard could be ruled out through injury which may give Reading hope.  The Royals are second bottom in the Premiership at the moment and look destined to join QPR back in the Championship.  But it was famously a late surge last season that earned Reading their place in the top tier and Brian McDermott will be hoping for more of the same in the last 13 games of this season.  If it helps to include the opinion of two extremely unlikeable twats, Mark Lawrenson says 2-0 to Everton and Piers Morgan goes with the same prediction.  But then remember, Hulk Hogan was better at predicting results than the 'expert' ( I'm not letting that one go, it's my licence fee dammit!)
Odds on this result: 9/1

Game 5: Hearts vs Motherwell
Prediction: Home win
Now we're just being silly... Motherwell, of course, defeated current champions Celtic on Wednesday to become Official Scottish Champions (that's how it works, right?)  Despite an embarrassing 3-0 defeat to Ross County last weekend, the Well bounced back in style to move second in the SPL once again.  European football could be coming to Fir Park yet again, and along with the return of King James of McFadden, things are looking up in Lanarkshire.  Meanwhile, Hearts did what they do best this week - sacked another manager.  John McGlynn, no one really knew how he got the job as manager anyway, walked away with his side comfortably in 11th place and with just two wins in the last ten games.  Vladimir Romanov is understood to be considering appointing fictional Lithuanian Jurgis Rudkus, the protagonist of Upton Sinclair's novel The Jungle, to the post.
Odds on this result: 6/4

As this week's bet is so ridiculous, the odds are massive... 649/1 massive! Being the sensible type that I am, I am only sticking 50p on this coupon (hey, big spender!) to save the pennies for another Grambler.  Should I win, I may go mental at the thought of losing 300 odd quid, but I won't (possibly file under 'famous last words').

Remember to join us on Facebook, where our Italian correspondent Andrea Tinnieto supplies the predictions for The Gramblerzhgi, The Grambler's Series A bambino.

And don't Grambler and drive! 

Week 23 Results: Straight from the horse's mouth.

Something is not right.  As I understand, whenever a retired figure returns to their field of excellence, it results in miraculous success with many scenes of joy in slow motion backed by a Westlife or Snow Patrol soundtrack.  It worked for Lance Armstrong.  Oh wait, hang on... 

The result could have been very different this week though.  Three of our five predictions were correct, which is not all that bad.  The other two games were both going swimmingly.  Both Inverness and Leicester led by a goal and it looked like some money could be heading our way.  Or it least it would have looked like that had Inverness not blown my coupon by lunchtime, deeming the rest of the afternoon a waste of time.

Ah well, at least it's not as embarrassing as the revelation that BBC Football 'expert' Mark Lawrenson has a lesser knowledge of football than Hulk Hogan.

The results in full were:

Blackburn Rovers  1 - 0  Ipswich Town

A messy goal from a goalmouth scramble was the only difference in a scrappy game at Ewood Park.  Scotland striker Jordan Rhodes has claimed the goal as the last Rovers player to touch the ball but Ipswich keeper Stephen Henderson is probably due credit too.

Inverness CT  1 - 3  Celtic

Celtic fielded a relatively weakened team ahead of their Champions League clash with Juventus but, despite taking the lead, Inverness failed to take advantage of this.  Second half goals from Rami Gershon and Miku ensured the visitors left with three points.

Peterborough United  2 - 1  Leicester City

A much needed win for the Posh to keep their survival hopes alive.  Leicester blew the chance to close the gap on Cardiff as a late Grant McCann strike sealed the win for the home team. 

Swansea City  4 - 1  Queens Park Rangers

Michu remembered where the net was to bag a brace in a fine win for the Swans.  'Arry's QPR are adrift at the bottom of the Premiership, four points from 19th placed Wigan (although if you take a look back at the Lawro link, you'll see that they are 7th going by his predictions.)

Queen of the South  2 - 1  Stenhousemuir

The Doonhammers moved 18 points clear at the top of the Second Division following a narrow win.  Derek Young and Chris Mitchell had given the home side a comfortable lead but Mark Corcoran pulled one back for the visitors.

One new betting market has appeared this week, namely the installation of a new Pope.  I decided that it would be worthwhile to somehow allow The Grambler to give a prediction on this, so I painstakingly compiled a list of every man on earth for His Randomness to choose from.  I can confirm that my money for the next Pope is on... Keith Gillespie.  You heard it here first!

I shall return next weekend, hopeful as ever of lifting the curse which has stopped us from winning the megabucks thus far.  On an unrelated note, are you looking to gain the respect of your friends, relatives, enemies or another miscellaneous grouping of people?  Click here for the answer to your prayers!

Week 23 (although we missed a few...): The much heralded return of The Grambler!

There comes a point in every player's career where they decide enough is enough, hang up the ol' boots, take off the ol' shin-guards and air out the ol' jockstrap.  Tradition stated that footballers would invest in a pub.  Or in Paul Gascoigne's case, drink the contents of several (oh shut up, it's topical!)

But for some players, the call of the beautiful game is too alluring.  Stanley Matthews played on until the age of 50.  Romario came out of retirement to go on to claim a (disputed) 1,000th career-goal.  More recently, Paul Scholes came out of retirement to prove that he could still trot around the midfield looking fat and ginger whilst occasionally scoring a screamer.   

So whilst injuries and ailments have curtailed what was a most promising Grambling career, there is no reason why I should throw in the towel just yet.  I have been in talks with my various agents who have all begged me to re-consider my knee-jerk retiral and I have decided to continue for the time being.  So watch out bowel cancer, I ain't done fighting you yet!  That massive multi-hundred pounds windfall for the Booby Moore Fund could be just a weekend away!

Oh, and did I mention the Grambler t-shirt?  I'm pretty sure that I mentioned the Grambler t-shirt.  You should buy a Grambler t-shirt!  A few people have already bought a Grambler t-shirt.  The Grambler t-shirt in question looks very nice too!

Game 1: Blackburn Rovers vs Ipswich Town
Prediction: Home win
Remember the days when Blackburn would appear here every week?  Well since then, they have apppointed approximately 143 managers.  Currently enjoying his 15 minutes in the hotseat is Michael Aplleton, who joined Rovers after a spell of five games in charge of Blackpool.  But his knowledge of chicken based products earned him the trust of the Ewood Park bosses and he has guided Rovers to a towering position of... em.. 13th in the Championship.  Rovers could give a début to new loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell.  Ipswich have also been affected by managerial change this season.  Paul Jewell insisted that he could turn the Tractorboys' season around but was relieved of his duties back in October with the side dead bottom.  Mick McCarthy has since brought some stability but the club are only four points outside of the relegation zone.  They will also have to make-do without their top-scorer who bagged ten goals in the first half of the season only to return to his parent club in January.  The man in question?  Loan signing and popular entertainment act at children's birthday parties throughout Lancashire, DJ Campbell.
Odds on this result: Evens


Game 2: Inverness Caledonian Thistle vs Celtic
Prediction: Home win
It's a top of the table clash at the Tulloch Caledonian Stadium where 2nd will play host to 1st on a chilly Highland Saturday morning.  Exciting stuff!  Or it least, it would be if the championship was not already a foregone conclusion.  But ignoring top and bottom in the SPL, it's actually a rather exciting season.  Honest!  Just nine points separate 2nd top from 2nd bottom and the the race for second place in the absence of one half of the Old Firm (who are busy releasing some bizarre paranoia-fuelled statements about the media, so cringeworthy that anyone would think that they were written by Jim Traynor...) is wide open.  Terry Butcher has voiced concerns over the fitness of forwards Richie Foran and Andrew Shinnie, but if it comes to it, I'm sure he'll find some fresh meat.  Celtic will be favourites to win this match, without a doubt, but two things may stand in their way; 1) they have slipped up in this fixture in the past and 2) they may have one eye on a particularly bigger tie on Tuesday.  Namely, the Conference Premier battle between Cambridge United and Alfreton Town.  Celtic will be without Efe Ambrose who is either representing Nigeria at the African Cup of Nations or at a sales conference for creamy Devon Custard products.
Odds on this result: 9/2

Game 3: Peterborough United vs Leicester City
Prediction: Away win
Poorly Peterborough currently prop up the Championship table with a meagre 27 points.  One win in the last five attempts will have given the Posh faithful little to smile about, but it's not all bad news; they have only lost 60% of their home games this season.  Oh wait, it is all bad news.  To top of a miserable spell for the side, club captain and notable prankster Gabriel Zakuani has been charged with animal cruelty for stapling a blindfold on to George Boyd's guide dog.  Meanwhile, Leicester are riding high and sipping champagne-substitute in the lofty perch of 2nd place.  Despite a 10 point gap between the Foxes and top-side Cardiff, Leicester are the only team in the league to have managed a 100% record for their games played in 2013.  Can they hold their nerve for an automatic promotion spot?  According to this source: Maybe!  The sides have met already this season, Leicester emerging victorious thanks to goals from King and Morgan.  Or some guy called King Morgan, my records are a little jumbled.
Odds on this result: 7/10

Game 4: Swansea City vs Queens Park Rangers
Prediction: Home win
For the past two years, Swansea have been everyone's Yeah, I Don't Really Support Them But They're Nice To Watch And I Like To See Them Win As Long As It Is Not Against My Own Team team.  Their blend of stylish football under Brendan Rodgers has been replaced by a blend of stylish football under Michel Laudrup and let's face it, everyone currently has a bit of a man-crush on Michu.  But stylish football only counts for so much and the Swans have only won 2 in 10.  In 5 of those games, they failed to score a single goal.  With Laudrup selling Danny Graham in the transfer window without replacing him, and Michu going 6 games without a goal, can they maintain their top-six status?  QPR have had a tough season.  I would have liked to have seen them turn it around and survive, I really would.  But then they appointed Harry Redknapp.  (Alleged) tax-evader, (alleged) bribe-taker, player tapper-upper, best-buddies-with-the-media, smug, 'England's saviour', wheeler-dealer... He really is the most unlikeable bawbag in football, isn't he?  Coming in as QPR manager, he promised new tactics and a fresh outlook... Of course he didn't!  I was just kidding!  He waited for the transfer window, hung out of his car window all day chatting up the journos and threw piles and piles of cash at players!  £12 million for Samba?  I'll take three!  Loic Remy wants how much a week?  Double it!  With any luck they will go down, but loveable 'Arry will jump ship, blame the chairman and find a bank account in a dead pet's name full of cash to enjoy, whilst Henry Winter and the other dinosaurs in the football media push for him to get a knighthood.  As for QPR?  Financial ruin.  Players leaving for minimal fees.  Wage promises that cannot be fulfilled.  How are Portsmouth doing these days?  Top, top lad, that 'Arry is!  Summary: I don't like him.
Odds on this result: 5/6


Game 5: Queen of the South vs Stenhousemuir
Prediction: Home win
And this week's Grambler fizzles out there, with a trip to the Scottish Second Division where league-leaders Queen of the South take on a Stenhousemuir side which has faltered around the table's midway point for most of the season.  Queens' manager Allan Johnston has his side playing with mucho confidence at the moment and this is shown in their record of eight wins and a draw in the last nine games.  Surprisingly, Johnston is a) The Alan Johnston who was capped 18 times by Scotland (mostly by Berti 'everyone gets a cap!' Vogts) and b) Still playing despite being 56.  With odds of 9/1 to take all three points from this game, the visitors may not fancy their chances.  But fans may be placated purely by the fact that their team has a player called Daniel Exposito-Hepburn.  Seriously, read that name again... It has everything!  I can imagine a Bond villain, Hollywood star, royal family hanger-on and corrupt African diamond mine owner rolled into one.  See what your missing out on, BBC?  Stay tuned for more expert analysis courtesy of The Grambler!  
Odds on this result: 2/7

Which brings us to a grand total 44/1 for this weeks proud return to the Grambling arena.  Not a bad bet really, the main cause for concern is obviously our trip to the Highlands for the SPL game but Juventus beckon for Celtic and a hiccup would be understandable.

With that over and done with, it's time to take of the ol' boots off once again and pour a nice cuppa to reflect upon a glorious career... One which may now continue into the twilight years (or months(or weeks)).

Week 22: C'est le Grambler finalment!

It was with great sadness that I bring news of the end.  For real this time, none of yer fake Mayan nonsense. 

Many of you who have followed The Grambler will know that I started this project as a pet-project whilst recovering from bowel cancer surgery.  I wanted to combine the awesome power of betting with the awesome power of football gambling to raise money and awareness against the evil power of bowel cancer, having been diagnosed at far too young an age myself.

Unfortunately, my condition has taken a turn for the worse over the past few weeks and I shall soon be departing for the Great Ladbrokes in the Sky.  Perhaps most frustratingly (although probably not) is that I will not be able to finish this season's Grambling.  But after 22 weeks, a MASSIVE £59.03 in winnings, almost 4,000 visitors from around the world and a lorra, lorra laughs/groans, we have reached the end.   I am proud of this project in an odd way and thankful to everyone who took the time to visit.

But worry ye not, The Grambler may some day rise from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix, with Grambler fan and awesome fatherperson Papa Grambler keen to take on the project.  Stay tuned and you may well see a return for the 2013/14 season, full of awful jokes, awful puns and awful predictions.  It would make me proud!

I urge anyone who reads this to head over to the Cancer Research Information on Bowel Cancer website and have a look around.  It is a cancer which is increasingly affecting younger men and it would help so much if people simply knew what to watch out for.

Here is proof of the donation to the good people at the Bobby Moore Fund:

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to get the giant novelty cheque made up!  Had I made it to the end of the season, it would inevitably have been millions, but they will have to settle for almost £60 for now.  You too could donate in honour of The Grambler by clicking the link in the side bar.

Which leaves me nothing to say other than the following:

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu...

Best Premiership winning back-four of the noughties!

Santé!