And to top it all off, The Grambler has gone beyond predicting games incorrectly and managed to pick one that got called off! I'm starting to lose faith in this erroneous spreadsheet! But the show must go on, as good ol' Freddie once said.
Here is a run down of this weeks results. If you like, you can make that noise that occurs every time a ball is drawn in the National Lottery in-between each scoreline. You know the one... Try it, it is guaranteed to enhance your reading experience.
Game 1: Norwich City vs Queens Park Rangers
Prediction: Home Win (Nay)
Do you know how disheartening it is to check the first result only to find that the bet is already screwed? Quite. Well that's how I felt today. Glancing over the classified results with high expectations, I made it to the fourth game on the list only to realise that I would not be a thousandairre this week. Norwich started brightly with Simeon Jackson heading them in front in only the 11th minute. But what's this? Another referee who has it in for The Grambler, thank you very much Mark Clattenburg! Or should that say, Mark ClattenCHEAT! With mental-haired Djibril Cisse tripping over his own shadow, the ref pointed to the spot. Heroic Norwich keeper John Ruddy saved the spotkick only for Bobby Zamora (who was encroaching on the area according to every single match report) to score on the rebound. Factoid of the day: I have urinated whilst standing next to celebrity Canaries fan and Sky Sports presenter Simon Thomas. I Tweeted him. He didn't reply.
Game 2: Watford vs Birmingham City
Prediction: Draw (Nay)
Due to the previous result, by the time this game kicked off, it didn't even matter. Just as well then... An impressive showing from Watford saw on-loan Udinese duo Almen Abdi and Matej Vydra net a goal each in a 2-0 win. The Pozzo family who own Watford used their links to bring in both players in the summer and it seems to have paid off. Birmingham rarely threatened to take control of the game, although Nikola Zigic (who is 9 ft 3 in and has a girls name) came closest for the visitors.
Game 3: Notts County vs Walsall
Prediction: Home Win (Nay)
How did this one go wrong!? I gave it 9 balls! According to my thorough Wikipedia research, Walsall are crap! Yet, the visitors took 3 points following a 1-0 victory over The Magpies. In what County manager Keith Curle described as a 'frustrating afternoon', both teams had their chances but Walsall's Andy Butler ((possibly) nicknamed 'Berk' by his team-mates after the character from kid's TV favourite The Trap Door) scored the decisive goal. Following this victory, local Walsall personality George O'Dowd said "karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go, you come and goooooooo." I have no idea what he's talking about.
Game 4: Blackburn Rovers vs Leicester City
Prediction: Draw (Nay)
Well if it isn't The Grambler's favourites up next. Over at the Ewood chicken processing factory, two teams hoping to be challenging for promotion were vying for a draw to keep me happy. It was all going to plan as well! Rovers took the lead via a goal from marquee summer signing Nuno Gomes and Leicester equalised through striker and car-dealer's son Jamie Vardy. Unfortunately, the selfish referee decided to allow the two teams another 35 minutes of play, in which time Blackburn scored the winner. Pensioner Morten Gamst Pederson scored from the edge of the penalty area with 10 minutes remaining. If The Grambler selects a draw for Blackburn next week I shall break my laptop in a fit of rage!
Game 5: Middlesbrough vs Crystal Palace
Prediction: Away Win (Nay)
Staying with the Championship, Crystal Palace wasted a brilliant chance to win favour with The Grambler by purposely losing away to Middlesbrough. Seb Hines put the Boro in the lead with a goal on his first start of the season and former Hibernian midget and Prince lookalike Merouane Zemmama doubled the lead with a free kick. Palace's Jermaine Easter pulled one back from the penalty spot following a foul from Boro's Josh McCeachren but they could not find an equaliser, let alone a winner. It rounds off a good week for the town of Middlesbrough, as the local council announced plans to repair the bus station doors and THE Fireman Sam visited the town!
Game 6: Wycombe Wanderers vs Bristol Rovers
Prediction: Draw (Void)
Technically not an incorrect prediction as this one was called off in the 66th minute due to a flooded pitch. In August. Global warming I tell thee! It is probably a good thing too, as Rovers were leading 3-1 at the time of postponement. Lee Brown had opened the scoring for the visitors before Richard Logan headed in to keep the Wanderers in the game. However, a double by a Bristol player with the surname Richard pretty much wrapped up the three points. I can't be bothered checking so I'm just going to claim that it was Cliff Richard. Hopefully the people of Wycombe will remember to make a suitable sacrifice to the rain God Chaac prior to next week's fixtures.
Game 7: Acrington Stanley vs Exeter City
Prediction: Away Win (Yay!)
And so we reach the end of this weeks Grambling. And what's this? A correct prediction? Hooray! My faith in The Grambler has been fully restored thanks to this lone correct prediction! And Exeter won it in emphatic style too. A 3-0 victory saw them control the game from start to finish. Nomadic footballer Alan Gow scored a brace and a final minute goal from Guillem Bauzà sealed the victory. Points of interest from this paragraph: Point 1 - I actually had to check to see if this was THE Alan Gow and upon checking realised that I have actually watched the guy playing for Motherwell. Forgot all about that. Point 2 - I am no linguistic expert but it appears to me that if you translate Guillem Bauzà's name from Spanish to English, he is called Willy Balls.
Well what a week that was! Starting out with the highest of expectations is clearly not the way to go about this. From now on I will assume the worst. Well not quite the worst. The worst would clearly be that I sit down to compile next week's fixtures and John Barnes will burst into the room dressed as a clown singing Chim Chim Cheree...
Some interesting statistics for you:
- Since the start of this project (including the trial run week) The Grambler has gone from predicting 3 games correctly, to 2 and on to 1 this week. If I were you I would not take my advice next week. (Also, if I were you I would go and donate £10 to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!)
- Which equates to a total of 28.57% correct predictions. Doesn't sound that bad, does it?
- I have now wasted a total of £4 on bets and £5 to register a domain name.
- This is a total of £9.
Please do join me again next Friday for Round 3! In the meantime, here is a quote to help us all through these hard times of Grambling craptitude:
"The only sure thing about luck is that it will change."
-Bret Harte (Author and poet, NOT wrestler.)
"The only sure thing about luck is that it will change."
-Bret Harte (Author and poet, NOT wrestler.)
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