Friday, 14 December 2012

Week 18: Preparing for Billy Crystalmas!

Tis the season to be jolly, falalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!  Or so the old song goes, but it's hard to be jolly when The Grambler insists on presenting me with ridiculously inaccurate predictions!  With one game cancelled due to the weather last weekend, only four needed to be accurate.  And the bet was not unreasonable as such.  It was the best chance in months to win a wad of dosh for the Bobby Moore Fund.  But what happened?  A measly ONE out of four results came up, that's what happened!  And it was probably the one in which I had the least confidence... Liverpool winning?  That's just absurd!

This week sees the return of the SUPER MEGA GRAMBLER BONUS BET!!! so we are all but guaranteed a winner.  And to quote famous footballing personality Peter Beardsley, "I trust The Grambler to the extent that I sold my house and all of my possessions so that I could place the proceeds on this bet.  Also, I'm well chuffed with my It's A Wonderful Life tee shirt available now at RedBubble..."

Game 1: Bolton Wanderers vs Charlton Athletic
Prediction: Home win
Bolton have won just one in seven games under Dougie Freedman and a quick return to the Premiership is looking increasingly unlikely.  Currently languishing in 18th place in the Championship, Wanderers also have the worst shots to goals ration in the division.  Charlton are currently three points ahead of their opponents and just four from the play-off spots.  Celebrity fan Charlton Heston said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "I've played three presidents, three saints and two geniuses - and that's probably enough for any man."  Exactly. 
Odds on this result: 10/11

Game 2: Peterhead vs Annan Athletic
Prediction: Away win
Peterhead and Annan inhabit 6th and 7th places in Division Three respectively.  A win for the home side would double the gap between the two but Athletic could draw level on points with a victory.  Celebrity fan Kofi Annan said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "we have the means and the capacity to deal with our problems, if only we can find the political will." Indeed.
Odds on this result: 11/4

Game 3: Celtic vs St Mirren
Prediction: Home win
Celtic are momentarily four points clear of SPL title favourites Motherwell, much to the surprise of the nation.  The home side narrowly defeated Arbroath during the week in order to progress in the Scottish Cup.  Meanwhile, the Buddies find themselves uncomfortably close to the relegation spot in the SPL, but are still six points clear of bottom side Dundee.   
Celebrity fan Helen Mirren said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "flesh sells. People don't want to see pictures of churches. They want to see naked bodies."  Precisely.
Odds on this result: 1/5

Game 4: Norwich City vs Wigan Athletic
Prediction: Draw
Norwich have surprised many this season with some strong performances under Chris Hughton.  The Canaries were victorious in a seven-goal-thriller last weekend at Swansea but fell victim to former boss Paul Lambert's Aston Villa side during the week.Wigan have only won one of their last six games and currently sit in the relegation zone.  Celebrity fan Bradley Wiggins said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "I can’t account for where anyone else is at.  I'm better than I've ever been."  Absolutely.
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 5: Queens Park vs Elgin City
Prediction: Home win
This game pits 3rd against 2nd in the Third Division and the winner could emerge as the main contenders to Glasgow Franchise Scheme FC for the title.  The home side defeated Annan 3-2 last weekend whilst Elgin were also winners at home to Clyde.  Celebrity fan The Queen said of the home team's fortunes so far this season "the British Constitution has always been puzzling and always will be."  Amen.
Odds on this result: 11/10

There is your main bet for this weekend and with odds of 60/1, we could all be £60-aires by Sunday!  You could be like me and donate said winnings to a good cause.  Or you could use it to kickstart a fund for your very own John Motson monkey. 

Also, seeing as it's nearly Christmas, here is a SUPER MEGA GRAMBLER BONUS BET!!! 

Game;Both teams to score?;Odds
Blackpool vs Blackburn; Yes; 4/7
Dunfermline vs Hamilton; Yes; 4/7
Birmingham vs Crystal Palace; No; 6/5
Oldham vs Swindon; No; 1/1
Dagenham & Redbridge; Yes; 8/13

Only 18/1 on that one, but a nice wee Brucie bonus if it comes off. 

Now go forth, and spread the good word of our almighty Grambler in peace. 

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