The Grambler's weekend international bet did not go too well. In fact, it is fair to say that it was utter pish... Only two of the five predictions were correct as a bet which looked reasonable on paper was a disaster in reality. On top of that, we may have set a new record for losing an accumulator at the earliest possible time, with Portugal's failure to win meaning that the bet was void by about 2.30 on Friday afternoon.
We had slightly better luck with the domestic bet. One game was off due to the weather which is slowly throwing the entire country into meltdown, meaning that we only had to get four right to win a (reduced) total of £25. And who managed to blow it? The one team on the coupon that everyone would have expected to win, The Rangers Franchise FC! Not even the dangling carrot of winning the Third Division title was enough to help them and their overpaid 'stars' to overcome Stirling Albion at Ibrox. And yet Charles Green still thinks they belong in the Premiership... They are now on my list of enemies.
Anyway, since there is a decent number of competitive international games taking place tonight, it would only be right to get some Grambling on the go. Sticking with a five game accumulator picked at random for this one, and here are the results...
Game 1: Holland vs Romania
Prediction: Home win
Holland are the only team in Europe to have a 100% record in this round of qualifiers, having played five and won five. They do tend to have a habit of playing well in the qualifying rounds but then failing to perform when the actual tournaments come around though. With the Netherlands expected to win Group D, the play-off place is pretty open with Romania and Hungary joint on 10 points and Turkey not far behind. Romania have won three of their qualifiers to date, including a 1-0 win away to Turkey. A 2-2 draw at Hungary on Friday was made all the more impressive by the fact that old, old man and former coke addict Adrian Mutu scored. As the only striker in the squad to have scored more than 3 goals in their international career, the Romanians may be relying on him for a while longer if they are to qualify for the World Cup. The teams met at Bucharest back in October and the Oranje left with a deserved 4-1 victory.
Odds on this result: 1/3
Game 2: Turkey vs Hungary
Prediction: Home win
Sticking with Group D, Turkey take on Hungary knowing that they must win to stay in contention for second place. Victory this evening could take them to within a point of a the play-off spot but defeat will leave them seven points from opponents Hungary. A 2-0 win at Andorra on Friday was a good warm-up for the Turks. Hungary, twice runners-up in the World Cup, have not qualified since 1986 but will be looking to rectify this following a good start to this campaign. They have already defeated Turkey 3-1 back in October on home soil and a win tonight will leave them vying with Romania for the play-offs (or for first place if they feel particularly ambitious). Veteran Gabor Kiraly suggested that their team team spirit and mentality are second to none; "Our team spirit and mentality are second to none", he said.
Odds on this result: 7/10
Game 3: Serbia vs Scotland
Result: Draw
Oh dear... Having watched playing on Friday night, it is fair to say that anything bar 'Scotland to lose' is a bad bet. Gordon Strachan insists that he wants his players to raise their game after the defeat to Wales, which really shouldn't be too hard after that performance. Hopefully, Strachan will be the Scotland manager to finally realise that Kenny Miller upfront alone is no longer an option. The current qualifying campaign is essentially a write-off with the new challenge being 'don't finish bottom and find a settled, young team with good spirit in time for the Euro 2016 qualifiers. Christ, supporting Scotland is depressing! Serbia have as little chance of qualifying for the World Cup as Scotland but have at least won a game, a 6-1 thrashing of Wales meaning that they have double the points tally of the Scots. The teams played out a goalless draw back in September at Hampden and both will be looking to restore some pride after a string of defeats.
Odds on this result: 3/1
Game 4: Northern Ireland vs Israel
Prediction: Home win
Surprisingly, Northern Ireland have only lost one game in this campaign. They have drawn three and had one game called off, but still to make it to round 6 of games and only lost once is quite an achievement. The cancelled game against Russia on Friday will not have been ideal preparation for Michael O'Neill's side as they look to keep the gap between themselves and the three potentially qualifying teams respectable. A 1-1 draw way to Portugal in September will have given N'ireland belief that they can hold their own against anyone in the group. Israel can also claim a draw with the Portuguese amongst their good results following their 3-3 match on Friday. Two victories over bottom placed Luxembourg have left the Israelites second, ahead of Portugal on goal difference. It is still unlikely, but it would be ridiculously entertaining to see how FIFA would handle the inevitable political shit-storm if Israel were to qualify for the World Cup.
Odds on this result: 9/4
Game 5: Uzbekistan vs Lebanon
Prediction: Home win
Probably the highlight of this week's selection and I think we will all agree that Lebanon don't a chance. Mon the Uzbekistan! It would appear that, since I put this bet on this morning and am only now getting round to writing this now, Uzbekistan have already won this match 1-0! Hooray! So that's one down and four to go, I can already smell victory!
Odds on this result: 3/10
Which gives us odds of 38/1 for this midweek international bonanza! Just think of what you could buy with all of that money! Three official Grambler t-shirts... Two official Grambler t-shirts and a couple of nice Easter eggs... One official Grambler t-shirt and four nice Easter eggs... That's about it really.
Anyway, fingers crossed for a better performance than the weekend's. Back to business at the weekend with the return of league football.
In the meantime, if you would like information about our new Grambler's Anonymous helpline, please click here.
Showing posts with label Scotland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scotland. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Friday, 22 March 2013
Week 29: Why didn't Dan Petrescu ever present Pet Rescue?
Shall we get the ball rolling by reviewing last week's performance? It was utter bollocks.
With that out of the way, we can look forward to this weekend's footballering action. And it's an exciting one as international football makes a welcome return! The game everyone is talking about, of course, is Scotland vs Wales. And the question on everyone's lips is will Gareth Bale play? Or will Wales have to actually rely on other players and win without the assistance of a penalty won by a blatant dive from a simian lookalike twat? Elsewhere, the media would have us believe that England's qualification chances are in TURMOIL as a 34 year old defender who hasn't represented his national team for two years opted not to play against a team who have managed one solitary win in their history. It's a SHAMBLES! And to complete the home nations round-up, Northern Ireland are probably going to lose to Russia.
Whilst all of this super-exciting international football is taking the place, the lower leagues are still in action. So we shall have a five game coupon for both the World Cup qualifiers and the remainder of domestic action this weekend. And might I remind you that The Grambler's biggest victory to date came on an international weekend back in October? Fingers crossed for more of the same!
International Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Croatia vs Serbia - Home win - 8/11
Norway vs Albania - Home win - 9/20
Liechtenstein vs Latvia - Draw - 11/4
Israel vs Portugal - Away win - 11/20
Luxembourg vs Azerbaijan - Away win - 6/5
£1 @ 31/1
Four reasonable picks in there, one would think that Croatia, Norway and Portugal will be victorious in their games. Azerbaijan deserve to win because their name rolls of the tongue so nicely... Not too sure about Liechtenstein to draw but stranger things have happened at sea. Latvia won 2-0 in the reverse fixture but with home advantage, the 'Steinies could possibly sneak a draw.
Domestic Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Rangers vs Stirling - Home win - 1/10
Arbroath vs Stenhousemuir - Home win - Evens
Northampton vs Oxford - Home win - 23/20
Torquay vs York - Home win - 7/5
Swindon vs Notts County - Draw - 3/1
£1 @85/1
Starting at Ibrox with Rangers Franchise # FC, the home side all but have the Third Division sewn up. A win tomorrow could put them 23 points clear at the top. Up one division, Arbroath have not won against Stenhousemuir in the past 5 years. They are currently 3 points ahead in Division Two. In the first of two games in League Two, Northampton take on Oxford whom they defeated twice last season. The reverse fixture this season ended in a 1-1 draw. Meanwhile, Torquay host York. The Gulls have lost their past 4 but have already beaten their opponents 2-0 this season. In League One, one would expect Swindon to defeat Notts County but the Robins have drawn 3 of their last 5 home games whilst the Magpies have drawn 3 of their last 5 away. I like to think that means something.
Overall, not too bad a bet with good odds. Portugal have already screwed up the international bet by drawing 3-3 in Israel so all hope rests upon this domestic accumulator. I am 63% confident of a win. So basically, not very confident.
Happy Grambling!
With that out of the way, we can look forward to this weekend's footballering action. And it's an exciting one as international football makes a welcome return! The game everyone is talking about, of course, is Scotland vs Wales. And the question on everyone's lips is will Gareth Bale play? Or will Wales have to actually rely on other players and win without the assistance of a penalty won by a blatant dive from a simian lookalike twat? Elsewhere, the media would have us believe that England's qualification chances are in TURMOIL as a 34 year old defender who hasn't represented his national team for two years opted not to play against a team who have managed one solitary win in their history. It's a SHAMBLES! And to complete the home nations round-up, Northern Ireland are probably going to lose to Russia.
Whilst all of this super-exciting international football is taking the place, the lower leagues are still in action. So we shall have a five game coupon for both the World Cup qualifiers and the remainder of domestic action this weekend. And might I remind you that The Grambler's biggest victory to date came on an international weekend back in October? Fingers crossed for more of the same!
International Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Croatia vs Serbia - Home win - 8/11
Norway vs Albania - Home win - 9/20
Liechtenstein vs Latvia - Draw - 11/4
Israel vs Portugal - Away win - 11/20
Luxembourg vs Azerbaijan - Away win - 6/5
£1 @ 31/1
Four reasonable picks in there, one would think that Croatia, Norway and Portugal will be victorious in their games. Azerbaijan deserve to win because their name rolls of the tongue so nicely... Not too sure about Liechtenstein to draw but stranger things have happened at sea. Latvia won 2-0 in the reverse fixture but with home advantage, the 'Steinies could possibly sneak a draw.
Domestic Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Rangers vs Stirling - Home win - 1/10
Arbroath vs Stenhousemuir - Home win - Evens
Northampton vs Oxford - Home win - 23/20
Torquay vs York - Home win - 7/5
Swindon vs Notts County - Draw - 3/1
£1 @85/1
Starting at Ibrox with Rangers Franchise # FC, the home side all but have the Third Division sewn up. A win tomorrow could put them 23 points clear at the top. Up one division, Arbroath have not won against Stenhousemuir in the past 5 years. They are currently 3 points ahead in Division Two. In the first of two games in League Two, Northampton take on Oxford whom they defeated twice last season. The reverse fixture this season ended in a 1-1 draw. Meanwhile, Torquay host York. The Gulls have lost their past 4 but have already beaten their opponents 2-0 this season. In League One, one would expect Swindon to defeat Notts County but the Robins have drawn 3 of their last 5 home games whilst the Magpies have drawn 3 of their last 5 away. I like to think that means something.
Overall, not too bad a bet with good odds. Portugal have already screwed up the international bet by drawing 3-3 in Israel so all hope rests upon this domestic accumulator. I am 63% confident of a win. So basically, not very confident.
Happy Grambling!
Friday, 9 November 2012
Week 13: Unlucky for some...
If you happen to suffer from triskaidekaphobia, this is not going to be your week. Similarly, if you happen to enjoy accurate predictions from betting websites, this is not going to be your week. Also, if you happen to be Nadine Dorries, this is not going to be your week.
Last week was terrible; there is no disguising that. But one only has to glance at the midweek European results to realise that absolutely anything can happen in the glorious game of football - Portuguese minnows Académica defeated Europa League and UEFA Super Cup champions Atlético Madrid... Little known Scottish club Celtic defeated the omnipotent Barcelona... And perhaps most shockingly, Dundee United were victorious against Motherwell. Seriously, I know it's hard to believe but it happened. Look it up if you don't believe me!
We have a massive SEVENTY games to choose from this week, with a handful of games thrown in from the Capital One Cup and the Scottish FA Cup ('Mon the Inverurie Locos!) To find out who The Grambler selected, press the hash key... now!
Game 1: Wigan Athletic vs West Bromwich Albion
Prediction: Draw
West Brom are this season's unexpected high-fliers. They are currently 5th in the Premiership, level on points with Everton in 4th place. Under the leadership of Steve Clarke, they have only lost one game at home. However, their away record is less positive, with only two points from four games. Wigan will be looking to avoid the relegation scuffle this year and their boss Roberto Martinez is already receiving plaudits for results this season, which have included away wins at Spurs and Southampton. A number of commentators have stated throughout the week that Liverpool should really have pursued their interest in Martinez rather than turning to Brendan Rodgers in the summer. Rumour has it the Spaniard could still be set for a move from the DW Stadium though, this time for Major League Soccer. A newly formed team made up of Native American Indians are looking to appoint a head-coach. With Roberto at the helm, it could be a good début season for Wigwam Athletic. Sorry... I'm not really.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 2: Manchester City vs Tottenham Hotspur
Prediction: Home win
Why, hello again Manchester City, you're looking well! A second appearance in a row for the Sky Blues, last week they failed to win despite The Grambler telling me that they should. They have home advantage this weekend and have yet to lose at the Etihad Stadium in the league this season, with four victories and a draw to their name. City continued their woeful European form on Tuesday evening, coming back from 2-0 down to scrape a draw with popular cleaning product Ajax. They are currently bottom of Group D, also known as THE GROUP OF HORRIBLY PAINFUL AND ELONGATED DEATH, and with progression looking unlikely, fans will be expecting more from the domestic competitions. Spurs look likely to be in for another season of chasing 4th place, having slipped to 6th last weekend with a calamitous defeat at home to the aforementioned Wogan Athletic. Manager Andre Villas Boas is already coming in for a hard time with many sections of the media, and this is probably little to do with results and more to do with him replacing media-darling 'Arry Redknapp, everyone's favourite tax-evading Cockney.
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 4/7
Last week was terrible; there is no disguising that. But one only has to glance at the midweek European results to realise that absolutely anything can happen in the glorious game of football - Portuguese minnows Académica defeated Europa League and UEFA Super Cup champions Atlético Madrid... Little known Scottish club Celtic defeated the omnipotent Barcelona... And perhaps most shockingly, Dundee United were victorious against Motherwell. Seriously, I know it's hard to believe but it happened. Look it up if you don't believe me!
We have a massive SEVENTY games to choose from this week, with a handful of games thrown in from the Capital One Cup and the Scottish FA Cup ('Mon the Inverurie Locos!) To find out who The Grambler selected, press the hash key... now!
Game 1: Wigan Athletic vs West Bromwich Albion
Prediction: Draw
West Brom are this season's unexpected high-fliers. They are currently 5th in the Premiership, level on points with Everton in 4th place. Under the leadership of Steve Clarke, they have only lost one game at home. However, their away record is less positive, with only two points from four games. Wigan will be looking to avoid the relegation scuffle this year and their boss Roberto Martinez is already receiving plaudits for results this season, which have included away wins at Spurs and Southampton. A number of commentators have stated throughout the week that Liverpool should really have pursued their interest in Martinez rather than turning to Brendan Rodgers in the summer. Rumour has it the Spaniard could still be set for a move from the DW Stadium though, this time for Major League Soccer. A newly formed team made up of Native American Indians are looking to appoint a head-coach. With Roberto at the helm, it could be a good début season for Wigwam Athletic. Sorry... I'm not really.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 12/5
Game 2: Manchester City vs Tottenham Hotspur
Prediction: Home win
Why, hello again Manchester City, you're looking well! A second appearance in a row for the Sky Blues, last week they failed to win despite The Grambler telling me that they should. They have home advantage this weekend and have yet to lose at the Etihad Stadium in the league this season, with four victories and a draw to their name. City continued their woeful European form on Tuesday evening, coming back from 2-0 down to scrape a draw with popular cleaning product Ajax. They are currently bottom of Group D, also known as THE GROUP OF HORRIBLY PAINFUL AND ELONGATED DEATH, and with progression looking unlikely, fans will be expecting more from the domestic competitions. Spurs look likely to be in for another season of chasing 4th place, having slipped to 6th last weekend with a calamitous defeat at home to the aforementioned Wogan Athletic. Manager Andre Villas Boas is already coming in for a hard time with many sections of the media, and this is probably little to do with results and more to do with him replacing media-darling 'Arry Redknapp, everyone's favourite tax-evading Cockney.
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 4/7
Game 3: Southend United vs Port Vale
Prediction: Away win
Southend have had a mixed season so far, with the exact same form at home as away from home; three wins, two draw and three losses. This is not necessarily bad form but suggests that home advantage means very little, and fans would have been somewhat embarrassed to watch their side lose 1-0 at home to bottom side Aldershot a few weeks back. They will be missing two key players in Anthony Straker, who has been called up for international duty with Grenada, and Neil Harris, out with a knee injury. Interesting if slightly irrelevant piece of trivia of the week: Ian Tomlinson, who infamously died following an 'altercation' with the police, was wearing a t-shirt featuring a tribute to Neil Harris when the incident occurred. True story. Port Vale will be hopeful of keeping the pressure on runaway league leaders Gillingham with another away win. Their travelling form has been impressive, with five wins from eight on the road. They are also the only team in British football to have adopted a pretzel as a team emblem.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 2/1
Prediction: Away win
Southend have had a mixed season so far, with the exact same form at home as away from home; three wins, two draw and three losses. This is not necessarily bad form but suggests that home advantage means very little, and fans would have been somewhat embarrassed to watch their side lose 1-0 at home to bottom side Aldershot a few weeks back. They will be missing two key players in Anthony Straker, who has been called up for international duty with Grenada, and Neil Harris, out with a knee injury. Interesting if slightly irrelevant piece of trivia of the week: Ian Tomlinson, who infamously died following an 'altercation' with the police, was wearing a t-shirt featuring a tribute to Neil Harris when the incident occurred. True story. Port Vale will be hopeful of keeping the pressure on runaway league leaders Gillingham with another away win. Their travelling form has been impressive, with five wins from eight on the road. They are also the only team in British football to have adopted a pretzel as a team emblem.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 2/1
Game 4: Celtic vs St Johnstone
Prediction: Home win
It has been a good week for Celtic fans; the club celebrated its 125th anniversary, defeated Barcelona in the Champions League and, probably most importantly, this arrived in the club shop. I love a good football related Christmas gnome, I do! Most people will look at this game and think that a win for Celtic is foregone conclusion, but the Hoops are prone to the odd slip-up following a good result in Europe. For example: Just this season, following a good 2-0 victory over futuristic vampire-slayers Helsingborgs which led Celtic to the Champions League group stages, the team went on to draw with Hibs at home and then lose their next game away from home, one of only two league defeats this season. Their opponents on that occasion? St Johnstone. The Saints are one of a host of clubs hoping to take advantage of Rangers' demise this season and finish in the fabled second spot of the SPL (yes, Scottish football is really that sad.) But their form has been a little inconsistent of late. A record-equalling 5th straight league win in a row (last achieved by the Perth side in 1971) has been followed by a 1-1 draw with Inverness and an inevitable defeat at Motherwell. Steve Lomas will be hoping for a tired or over-confident Celtic side.
Reliability balls: 8/10
Odds on this result: 2/9
Prediction: Home win
It has been a good week for Celtic fans; the club celebrated its 125th anniversary, defeated Barcelona in the Champions League and, probably most importantly, this arrived in the club shop. I love a good football related Christmas gnome, I do! Most people will look at this game and think that a win for Celtic is foregone conclusion, but the Hoops are prone to the odd slip-up following a good result in Europe. For example: Just this season, following a good 2-0 victory over futuristic vampire-slayers Helsingborgs which led Celtic to the Champions League group stages, the team went on to draw with Hibs at home and then lose their next game away from home, one of only two league defeats this season. Their opponents on that occasion? St Johnstone. The Saints are one of a host of clubs hoping to take advantage of Rangers' demise this season and finish in the fabled second spot of the SPL (yes, Scottish football is really that sad.) But their form has been a little inconsistent of late. A record-equalling 5th straight league win in a row (last achieved by the Perth side in 1971) has been followed by a 1-1 draw with Inverness and an inevitable defeat at Motherwell. Steve Lomas will be hoping for a tired or over-confident Celtic side.
Reliability balls: 8/10
Odds on this result: 2/9
Game 5: Elgin City vs Berwick Rangers
Prediction: Draw
I cannot claim to have such a high level of knowledge when it comes to either of these teams but one thing I am certain is true, football is not such a big deal in Elgin. In fact, participation in the sport pales in comparison to the most popular past-time (as I understand it): Marbles. In spite of this, the football team has been doing rather well this year and may have been leading the division had it not been for some young upstarts coming along with their franchise and beating almost everyone. At home, they have only been defeated once in a 5-1 thrashing at the hands of Rangers Franchise #1 PLC FC. Berwick meanwhile are sitting 6th in the table and have been good at home, remaining unbeaten in five games. Their away form has let them down however, with one point at Queens Park two weeks ago their only gain on their travels. Manager Ian Little may have worked with some of the biggest pop acts of the day in the 1980s but his focus is now on taking his Rangers side up the leagues. A play-off spot in the Third Division is not so far out of reach.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 14/5
Prediction: Draw
I cannot claim to have such a high level of knowledge when it comes to either of these teams but one thing I am certain is true, football is not such a big deal in Elgin. In fact, participation in the sport pales in comparison to the most popular past-time (as I understand it): Marbles. In spite of this, the football team has been doing rather well this year and may have been leading the division had it not been for some young upstarts coming along with their franchise and beating almost everyone. At home, they have only been defeated once in a 5-1 thrashing at the hands of Rangers Franchise #1 PLC FC. Berwick meanwhile are sitting 6th in the table and have been good at home, remaining unbeaten in five games. Their away form has let them down however, with one point at Queens Park two weeks ago their only gain on their travels. Manager Ian Little may have worked with some of the biggest pop acts of the day in the 1980s but his focus is now on taking his Rangers side up the leagues. A play-off spot in the Third Division is not so far out of reach.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 14/5
Game 6: Partick Thistle vs Dunfermline Athletic
Prediction: Away win
This is probably the most exciting Grambler selected game of the week... No, I'm being a serious! A proper top of the table clash and one which will play a huge part in the fight for promotion to the SPL this season. Some of you may have been reading a number of weeks ago when Partick Thistle made an appearance. At the time, they had a 100% home record, and this is still the case. However, after one win from the last four games, they have slipped to 2nd place in the First Division... Behind Dunfermline Athletic! The Pars have only lost one game this season and have a tremendous record of four wins and one draw away from Dens Park. The two teams already met on Dunfermline's patch earlier in the season, when the Maryhill side enjoyed a 1-0 victory. "We want to try and take the three points back that they took off us at East End Park" said Pars manager Jim Jefferies enthusiastically. Well I say enthusiastically, anyone who has ever heard Jefferies talk will know that he sounded like he had a noose around his neck...
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 21/10
Prediction: Away win
This is probably the most exciting Grambler selected game of the week... No, I'm being a serious! A proper top of the table clash and one which will play a huge part in the fight for promotion to the SPL this season. Some of you may have been reading a number of weeks ago when Partick Thistle made an appearance. At the time, they had a 100% home record, and this is still the case. However, after one win from the last four games, they have slipped to 2nd place in the First Division... Behind Dunfermline Athletic! The Pars have only lost one game this season and have a tremendous record of four wins and one draw away from Dens Park. The two teams already met on Dunfermline's patch earlier in the season, when the Maryhill side enjoyed a 1-0 victory. "We want to try and take the three points back that they took off us at East End Park" said Pars manager Jim Jefferies enthusiastically. Well I say enthusiastically, anyone who has ever heard Jefferies talk will know that he sounded like he had a noose around his neck...
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 21/10
Game 7: York City vs AFC Wimbledon
Prediction: Away win
Anyone else getting a feeling of deja vu? I think I might be in the Matrix and suddenly the world around me seems very late nineties... Everyone is listening to nu-metal and wearing overly baggy jeans and... Why is there a ridiculously wooden actor next to me saying "wooooooaaaaah!" at everything and anything? Confused? You should be! For you see, this exact same fixture happened last week, with The Grambler selecting it... With AFC Wimbledon to be victorious... As Game 7... Wooooooaaaaah! It was, of course, an incorrect prediction. In the meantime, both clubs have played a midweek fixture, with York fairing slightly better than their opponents. The home-side played Northampton and a 1-1 draw has kept them in 10th place, still close enough that they can smell a play-off place. And it smells like roast chicken. Wombledon meanwhile lost their Tuesday night encounter with Exeter 2-0 and manager Neil Ardley has called for hard work and desire from his relegation-threatened team. "There has to be hard work and desire" he told reporters who went on to report his quotes in a variety of media outlets.
Reliability balls: 3/10
Odds on this result: 16/5
Prediction: Away win
Anyone else getting a feeling of deja vu? I think I might be in the Matrix and suddenly the world around me seems very late nineties... Everyone is listening to nu-metal and wearing overly baggy jeans and... Why is there a ridiculously wooden actor next to me saying "wooooooaaaaah!" at everything and anything? Confused? You should be! For you see, this exact same fixture happened last week, with The Grambler selecting it... With AFC Wimbledon to be victorious... As Game 7... Wooooooaaaaah! It was, of course, an incorrect prediction. In the meantime, both clubs have played a midweek fixture, with York fairing slightly better than their opponents. The home-side played Northampton and a 1-1 draw has kept them in 10th place, still close enough that they can smell a play-off place. And it smells like roast chicken. Wombledon meanwhile lost their Tuesday night encounter with Exeter 2-0 and manager Neil Ardley has called for hard work and desire from his relegation-threatened team. "There has to be hard work and desire" he told reporters who went on to report his quotes in a variety of media outlets.
Reliability balls: 3/10
Odds on this result: 16/5
Overall, we could have done a lot worse with this week's predictions. Our combined odds this week are a plentiful 968/1. A high number of away wins is never a good sign but I am filled with confidence that we can do it this week, and it would be a fitting tribute to Jack Duckworth who was a devoted fan of The Grambler. Possibly.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Week 9 results: V is for victoriousness!
It has been said that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, over an infinite period of time one of them will bash out some Shakespeare. It has never explicitly been stated where one would acquire such a number of typewriters in this day and age and under which circumstances the health and safety folks would actually let this take place. But anyway, the point is that in a similar vein, The Grambler was likely to eventually throw up a winner. And that time is now! Well actually, it was about 4 0'clock in the morning on Wednesday...
In previous weekends, we have had odds of around 1,500/1. Unfortunately, this weekend was substantially lower but the £49 won is almost enough to travel back in time to April 1787 (please note: expenses for the invention and use of a time-travelling machine or device have not been included) and purchase the Lardin House Inn located in Masontown, Pennsylvania. Alternatively, it will be more than welcome in the Bobby Moore Fund fund, which has now reached... (the audience hushes in anticipation, Dermot O'Leary feigns a somewhat anguished look and a persistent rhythm not dissimilar to that of a heartbeat can be heard faintly in the background...)
£59.03!!!
This victory was not without controversy; two accumulator bets were placed as a result of complicated online betting procedures. The first contained just two games taking place on Friday night and was incorrect thanks to Scotland's almost inevitable loss (thank you Mr Levein, it would be sweetly poetic if the door DID hit you on your way out). The second coupon contained the five games taking place on Tuesday and Wednesday and this, my friends, was the bet which has made history!*
*May not actually have made history.
*May not actually have made history.
Game 1: Venezuela vs Ecuador
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )
Ecuador will be happy with a point away from home which has kept them in second place, biting at the heels of Argentina like an otter who knows you have fish in your socks. But it was the home side who dominated at the Estadio General José Antonio Anzoátegui (named after a man with the finest sideburns of the early 19th century.) Captain Juan Arango (as in footballing team captain, he's not in the military or anything) was in fine form, and had his side in front early in the game with a stunning long strike giving Venezuela the lead within six minutes of the start. However, Ecuador pulled even on the 22nd minute when Segundo Castillo equalised. Arango tested the keeper once more from long distance and also hit the crossbar with a similar effort, but Venezuela had to settle for a single point. The draw managed to push Venezuela into the top four which would be enough to take them to their first World Cup. But there is still a long road ahead and Chile and Uruguay will also be eyeing fourth place. Speaking of Uruguay...
Game 2: Bolivia vs Uruguay
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
What a seamless transition! The country of Bolivia is named for Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar y Palacios Ponte y Blanco. Presumably Simónjoséantoniodelasantísimatrinidadbolívarypalaciosponteyblancoland was deemed to be less catchy. Their national team have qualified just once for a World Cup back in 1994, and gave their hopes of making this one a major boost with a fine win over better-fancied Uruguay. Carlos Saucedo opened the scoring early and Gualberto Mojica made it two minutes later with a cracking free-kick. After the interval, Saucedo added a third before claiming his hat-trick before the game had reached the hour mark. Luis Saurez scored a consolation goal for the visitors with only ten-minutes remaining, but the home-team were already celebrating the win. Disappointed Uruguay manager Oscar Tabarez went all Craig Levein on us at the end of the match, stating "we must keep focused, there are seven finals remaining.
Game 3: Chile vs Argentina
Prediction: Away win ( ✔ )
Chile went into this game knowing that a win would see them move within two points of the top-spot. But Argentina were determined to maintain pole position and managed to take all three points, much to the disgust of Chilean ambassador Jon Benjamin. Lionel Messi opened the scoring in the 28th minute with his third of the international break for Argentina. Three minutes later, the Argentines had doubled their lead thanks to Gonzalo Higuian. Chile created a host of chances but failed to score until stoppage time when Felipe Guttierez grabbed a consolation. The draw has left the Chileans sixth in their group, but joint on points with Venezuela and Uruguay. And a joke to round-off the South American action; What do you call a Thundercat who plays for Argentina and lives with his mother who is repeatedly begging him to tidy his room? Lion-O Messy!
Game 4: Oman vs Jordan
Prediction:Home win ( ✔ )
A win for Oman Sultan Qaboos Sports Complex took level with Australia in the race for qualification from the Asian groups. Ahmed Mubarak opened the scoring after 62 minutes and Juma Al Maashari made it two with three minutes remaining in the tie. But Oman were in for a nail-biting finish as Jordanian Tha'er Bawab pulled one back immediately after. The Omanians, if there is such a word, held on to take all three points much to the delight of Paul le Guen. Yep, that's where he ended up.
Game 5: Wales vs Scotland
Prediction: Draw ( x )
Where to start with this, our only incorrect prediction of the week? We could blame the officials for incorrectly ruling out Steven Fletcher's goal which have put Scotland two in front. We could blame Gareth Balee for taking yet-another 'unfortunate' tumble in the box to win his side a penalty (something that seems to happen week-in week-out but he gets away with because he's the poster-boy for the Best League in the World™ and not one of them 'dirty forrins'). But really, it is much more satisfying to blame the all-round cluelessness of the manager. Some facts for you:
- Berti Vogts lost the Scotland job after taking just two points in the opening three qualifiers for Euro 2006
- George Burley lost the support of the fans and the media when he won only three games in the qualifiers for the 2010 World Cup, his one full campaign
- Burley was finally sacked after losing against Wales in Cardiff
Game 6: Romania vs Netherlands
Prediction: Away win ( ✔ )
Romania's perfect start to the qualifying stages came to an end on Tuesday evening as Holland scored four to preserve their status as favourites in the group. Jermain Lens was first on the scoresheet in the 11th minute when he headed in from 20 yards. That's some header! Bruno Martins added a second when he headed in from a Rafael van der Vaart free-kick but the home side were given some hope when Ciprian Marca pulled one back with five minutes to go until half-time. But before the referee could signal the end of the half, Gabriel Tamas conceded a penalty which was calmly scored by van der Vaart. The second half was not to be as eventful and Romania rarely looked like coming back into the match. In the 86th minute, Robin van Persie sealed the win with a fourth for the Dutch, who now look certain to qualify for the World Cup. Romania meanwhile have slipped to third in their group but will hope that they don't Romania there.
Game 7: England vs San Marino
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
The mighty England took another step towards qualification thanks to a flawless win against their fierce rivals... er, San Marino. Or I imagine that's how The Sun will have spun it on Saturday morning. Although a comfortable win for England, it took them a while to get into their stride. For the first third of the match, the minnows put up a good fight and it took a penalty call for England in the 35th minute to start the goals flowing. Wayne Rooney diverted the penalty and minutes later, his Manchester United team-mate Danny Wellbeck had made it two. In the 69th minute, Rooney got his second and not to be outdone, Wellbeck once again scored minutes later. England added a fifth via a goal from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who described his goal as 'spiffing' before hopping onto his thoroughbred horse, yelling "pip-pip and tally-ho" and riding back to his manor where his butler Reginald awaited him with a bowl of caviare and a fine brandy.
Back to league football tomorrow and it's probably best not to get carried away on the back of one win. But I can say with 100% accuracy that we will definitely be winning again this weekend!
Back to league football tomorrow and it's probably best not to get carried away on the back of one win. But I can say with 100% accuracy that we will definitely be winning again this weekend!
"Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half."
- Bum Phillips (Really, his name is Bum!)
Friday, 12 October 2012
Week 9: International Rescue!
Did you hear about the pack of Polos who took on some Foxes Glaciers at a game of football for no specified reason?
It was a MINTERNATIONAL!
Another weekend of World Cup qualifying matches and whilst there are options to choose from the lower domestic leagues, that would just be boring. So this week, we focus on the international matches meeting the following criteria:
- Are full internationals (no friendlies, no under 21s, etc.)
- Count towards qualifying for the 2014 World Cup
- Occur between the 12th and 16th of October
This long weekend technically has two rounds of qualifiers and so we could see the same team appearing twice in the predictions. However, I am going to allow this as:
- It gives us more choice of games
- I'm going away for the weekend anyway so there is no chance of the results appearing until at least Wednesday
Thankfully our racism-enduring, bribe-welcoming, corruption-riddled, technophobic overlords at FIFA have provided us with a handy list of fixtures from which we can Gramble. So without further need for unnecessary bullet-pointed lists, here are the predictions:
- The predictions are below
Game 1: Venezuela vs Ecuador
Prediction: Draw
Venezuela has been in the news this week as President and fellow bowel cancer sufferer (we call each other bowellies, as in 'Whassup ma bowelly?') Hugo Chávez secured re-election and celebrated by making a bus driver his vice president. This game gives Venezuela the chance to leapfrog their opponents in the qualifying group and depending on other results over the weekend, they could go joint second top. The 'Zuela defeated Paraguay in their previous qualifying match thanks to a double from Rubin Kazan forward José Rondón. Whilst the people of Venezuela have had much to celebrate this week, the people of Ecuador have been rather gloomy, thanks to the news that banana production is down by 25%. Thankfully, their football team are flying high in the qualifying group and currently sit just one point below leaders Argentine. Coach Reinaldo Rueda has confirmed that Manchester United's Antonio Valencia will miss out but is still confident of a win to keep pressure on the leaders. Ecuador also play fellow top-spot challengers Chile this evening, whilst Venezuela get to sit this one out. Could the additional match count against them?
Reliability balls: 6/10
Reliability balls: 6/10
Game 2: Bolivia vs Uruguay
Prediction: Home win
Staying in South America like a (insert ill-judged and erroneous kidnapping victim joke here) we are off to La Paz. And as Micky Dolenz once sang, "then I saw her face, now I'm a Bolivia..." The football team also seem to have been prone to monkeying around lately, as they currently sit joint bottom of the group with just four points from seven games. A win against fellow strugglers Peru this evening could boost their confidence ahead of this tie. And thanks to a confusing time-lapse in this weeks write-up which Marty McFly would be proud of, I can tell you that this game ended 1-1; Peru taking the lead through Juan Carlos Marino and Bolivia whilst Bolivia grabbed an equaliser via Alejandro Chumacero. Urruguay are team that more of us will be familiar with thanks to stand-out players such as Diego Forlan, Edison Cavani and horrible, racist, diving cheat Luis Saurez. Saurez has been in the news once again this week as FA vice-chairman Jim Boyce said that his diving was a 'cancer' of the game. In response, Saurez fell over and clutched his leg, rolling around in faux-agony. Uruguay visited Argentina last night and were the students of a Lionel Messi master-class, as a brace from the striker and another from Sergio Aguero resulted in a comfortable victory.
Reliability balls: 4/10
Staying in South America like a (insert ill-judged and erroneous kidnapping victim joke here) we are off to La Paz. And as Micky Dolenz once sang, "then I saw her face, now I'm a Bolivia..." The football team also seem to have been prone to monkeying around lately, as they currently sit joint bottom of the group with just four points from seven games. A win against fellow strugglers Peru this evening could boost their confidence ahead of this tie. And thanks to a confusing time-lapse in this weeks write-up which Marty McFly would be proud of, I can tell you that this game ended 1-1; Peru taking the lead through Juan Carlos Marino and Bolivia whilst Bolivia grabbed an equaliser via Alejandro Chumacero. Urruguay are team that more of us will be familiar with thanks to stand-out players such as Diego Forlan, Edison Cavani and horrible, racist, diving cheat Luis Saurez. Saurez has been in the news once again this week as FA vice-chairman Jim Boyce said that his diving was a 'cancer' of the game. In response, Saurez fell over and clutched his leg, rolling around in faux-agony. Uruguay visited Argentina last night and were the students of a Lionel Messi master-class, as a brace from the striker and another from Sergio Aguero resulted in a comfortable victory.
Reliability balls: 4/10
Game 3: Chile vs Argentina
Prediction: Away win
The Grambler sure does like a spot of South American football! Chile sit fifth in the qualifying group just now, but their chances of making the finals were dealt a blow last night with a 3-1 defeat at the hands of Ecuador. Two goals from Felipe Caicedo and a late one from Segundo Castillo sealed the win for the hosts. Chile only grabbed a consolation through an own goal from Juan Carlos Parades, who will not be eligible to play for them against Argentina. In addition, the dismissal of both Pablo Contreras and Arturo Vidal means that they will be missing key players for this tie. Chile had started their qualifiers in spicy form but unfortunately, that form has been peppered with inconsistencies. The same cannot be said of group leaders Argentina. Favourites to top the group from the start, they have lived up to this promise and have taken seventeen points from eight games. However, with Colombia and Ecuador snapping at their heels, Argentina will be desperate to win this game and gibe themselves some breathing space at the helm of the group. With players like Messi, Higuain, Mascherano and Aguero in their ranks, it should be easy to guarantee a win. But if they fail to achieve victory, don't cry for them.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Reliability balls: 5/10
Game 4: Oman vs Jordan
Prediction:Home win
What can be said about this tie that we don't already know? A hotly anticipated fixture, one that has hardly been out of the newspapers since the fixtures list was announced, between two of the footballing greats. It is said that in the UK, Oman replica shirts outsell 'Frankie Says Relax' t-shirts at a ratio of 14:1 [citation needed]. Oman are currently rock-bottom of Group B in the Asian qualifying matches. But they have taken two points from their three matches so it is not all bad. The problem is that they have only scored one goal thus far. Can they overcome their shyness in front of goal to take their first win? Their opponents in this match are reality TV whore and former glamour model Jordan. Currently 78th in the FIFA rankings, they sit second in the qualifying group, behind foregone conclusion Japan. They have one win, one draw and one loss so far, but eight goals conceded in these matches suggests a leaky defence and/or crap keeper. Captain Amer Deeb has said that Jordan will be hard to beat during this campaign. Unfortunately for him, his surname is defined in the Urban Dictionary thusly: "Shortened version of Duckbutter, or the accumulation of sweat, vaginal discharge, anal seepage, semen, blood, saliva, urine, etc. around the taint/gooch area."
Reliability balls: ?/10
What can be said about this tie that we don't already know? A hotly anticipated fixture, one that has hardly been out of the newspapers since the fixtures list was announced, between two of the footballing greats. It is said that in the UK, Oman replica shirts outsell 'Frankie Says Relax' t-shirts at a ratio of 14:1 [citation needed]. Oman are currently rock-bottom of Group B in the Asian qualifying matches. But they have taken two points from their three matches so it is not all bad. The problem is that they have only scored one goal thus far. Can they overcome their shyness in front of goal to take their first win? Their opponents in this match are reality TV whore and former glamour model Jordan. Currently 78th in the FIFA rankings, they sit second in the qualifying group, behind foregone conclusion Japan. They have one win, one draw and one loss so far, but eight goals conceded in these matches suggests a leaky defence and/or crap keeper. Captain Amer Deeb has said that Jordan will be hard to beat during this campaign. Unfortunately for him, his surname is defined in the Urban Dictionary thusly: "Shortened version of Duckbutter, or the accumulation of sweat, vaginal discharge, anal seepage, semen, blood, saliva, urine, etc. around the taint/gooch area."
Reliability balls: ?/10
Game 5: Wales vs Scotland
Prediction: Draw
“We can play better than that and will do in our next match.” I bookmarked that quote back in September following a dire draw with Macedonia. The quotee (if there is such a word) is, of course, Mr Craig Levein. And the reason for remembering this quote is so that, should Scotland get any less than a win this evening, I have proof that Levein is not only a terrible manager, but also a liar and should resign immediately. Worryingly, in the lead up to this game Levein has said "we will treat this game as we have treated every other one." So the game plan is 'have Kenny Miller run about up front whilt the rest of the team occasionally punt the ball towards them but generally aim for a point.' Obviously Scotland's campaign could have gone worse. Days after a goalless draw with Serbia last month, Scotland were embarrassed by a 1-1 draw with Macedonia. Meanwhile, Wales were being mauled 6-1 by Serbia. So, using science to calculate football results, Scotland should win this one 6-1, right? Steven Fletcher and Levein have (thankfully) put aside their differences but expect the Lovable Tramp on the touchline to remain too stubborn to play. I firmly believe that Kenny Miller has pictures or some other dirt on the gaffer... For the Welshlings, 'greatest footballer in Britain and 100% non-diver' (copyrighted by Match of the Day) has been declared fit but Bernard's son Adam Matthews is likely to miss out.
Reliability balls: 6/10
“We can play better than that and will do in our next match.” I bookmarked that quote back in September following a dire draw with Macedonia. The quotee (if there is such a word) is, of course, Mr Craig Levein. And the reason for remembering this quote is so that, should Scotland get any less than a win this evening, I have proof that Levein is not only a terrible manager, but also a liar and should resign immediately. Worryingly, in the lead up to this game Levein has said "we will treat this game as we have treated every other one." So the game plan is 'have Kenny Miller run about up front whilt the rest of the team occasionally punt the ball towards them but generally aim for a point.' Obviously Scotland's campaign could have gone worse. Days after a goalless draw with Serbia last month, Scotland were embarrassed by a 1-1 draw with Macedonia. Meanwhile, Wales were being mauled 6-1 by Serbia. So, using science to calculate football results, Scotland should win this one 6-1, right? Steven Fletcher and Levein have (thankfully) put aside their differences but expect the Lovable Tramp on the touchline to remain too stubborn to play. I firmly believe that Kenny Miller has pictures or some other dirt on the gaffer... For the Welshlings, 'greatest footballer in Britain and 100% non-diver' (copyrighted by Match of the Day) has been declared fit but Bernard's son Adam Matthews is likely to miss out.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Game 6: Romania vs Netherlands
Prediction: Away win
In what could be an exciting battle for the top-spot in Group D, both teams have a 100% record going into this game and the result could determine the eventual winners. Romania gained their third successive win against Turkey last night thanks to a single goal from Gheorghe Grozav. Current captain Răzvan Raț has impressed at both national level and club level with Shakhtar Donetsk and thinks that his team can top the group. Which is pretty good considering he only took to football when the Romanian TV station Antena 1 dropped the defender from their version of this classic. The Netherlands will also be keen to make the World Cup finals having finished as runners-up at the last tournament, thanks to their combination of football and mixed martial arts. They have had convincing wins over Turkey, Hungary and Andorra in the group and could face their toughest challenge to date in the in-form Romania. Following tlast night's 3-0 over Andorra, Netherlands coach Louis Van Gaal said that his team had "not done enough" and so will surely be expecting goals galore on Tuesday. It has also be reported that he has been suffering from crystalline concretions formed within the bladder by accretion of bile components. Yes, he has Gaalstones.
In what could be an exciting battle for the top-spot in Group D, both teams have a 100% record going into this game and the result could determine the eventual winners. Romania gained their third successive win against Turkey last night thanks to a single goal from Gheorghe Grozav. Current captain Răzvan Raț has impressed at both national level and club level with Shakhtar Donetsk and thinks that his team can top the group. Which is pretty good considering he only took to football when the Romanian TV station Antena 1 dropped the defender from their version of this classic. The Netherlands will also be keen to make the World Cup finals having finished as runners-up at the last tournament, thanks to their combination of football and mixed martial arts. They have had convincing wins over Turkey, Hungary and Andorra in the group and could face their toughest challenge to date in the in-form Romania. Following tlast night's 3-0 over Andorra, Netherlands coach Louis Van Gaal said that his team had "not done enough" and so will surely be expecting goals galore on Tuesday. It has also be reported that he has been suffering from crystalline concretions formed within the bladder by accretion of bile components. Yes, he has Gaalstones.
Reliability balls: 7/10
Game 7: England vs San Marino
Prediction: Home win
Engerland play host, a team who are renowned for losing. In typical England fashion, the squad has warmed up for this qualifier by making front page news for all the wrong reasons. We have John Terry, the massive racist, making the front pages for being a massive racist. Then there's his Chelsea team-mate, Ashley Cole, who decided that the best way to enamour himself to the beaks at the FA on the week of his 100th cap was to call them a #bunchoftwats, which translates to 'bunch of twats' for those of you are not Twitter literate. Or Twilliterate as it should be called. And then there is Jermaine Defoe, who last night was caught with a hotel room full of midget hookers and a no less than FIFTEEN boxes of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Please note, only two of these controversies are real. See if you can spot the fake story. San Marino, meanwhile, are still looking for their first competitive football win and have only won one game in their history, a 1-0 victory over fellow minnows Liechtenstein. Still, they get bonus points for having a name that rhymes with Dan Marino, the American football guy in Ace Venture.
Reliability balls: 9/10
Reliability balls: 9/10
Not a bad bet this week, eh? Or it would be the case if I could actually find an online betting firm which was actually willing to accept the bet! It would appear that South American games in five days time are rather hard to place a bet on so I will be going old-school and strolling into a bookmakers in an attempt to place this one!
I shall update all missing information on Saturday morning and with any luck, the bet will still be on. If either of tonight's bets go wrong, I shall be cheating and sticking a five-folds on for the others.
STOP THE PRESSES! As an update to this, I was not even able to place this bet at an old-school bookmakers last night. And fortunately so as Scotland lived up to expectations by losing to a team with one good (diving) player on the night. So the bet is still technically on, I shall place the five-folds on Monday morning and that should mean that the chances of winning have improved...
Happy Gramblin'!
I shall update all missing information on Saturday morning and with any luck, the bet will still be on. If either of tonight's bets go wrong, I shall be cheating and sticking a five-folds on for the others.
STOP THE PRESSES! As an update to this, I was not even able to place this bet at an old-school bookmakers last night. And fortunately so as Scotland lived up to expectations by losing to a team with one good (diving) player on the night. So the bet is still technically on, I shall place the five-folds on Monday morning and that should mean that the chances of winning have improved...
Happy Gramblin'!
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