Week 36: What the Hell do we do now!?

You may recall last season ending in rather dramatic fashion with that Aguero stoppage type goal against QPR prising the title from the clutches of Manchester United.  Well, this season is slightly different.  The relegation spots are filled, the title has been decided, runners-up are already in place and unless something ridiculous happens, Chelsea have have third sewn up.  So the only matter of interest is the race for fourth place.  Can you feel the excitement?  No, neither can I.  

There are of course play-off finals taking place which are far more exciting. With places up for grabs in the Championship and Premiership, Brentford will take on Yeovil tomorrow and Crystal Palace play Watford a week on Monday respectively.  And of course the Champions League final takes place next weekend so there is still something to look forward to.  But then, a whole summer without football!  Nooooooooooooooo!

This week's Grambler is made up entirely from Premiership games.  We have the usual three game accumulator and since it's the last round of games of the season... The Super Mega Awesome Grambler!  A ten game accumulator attempting to pick the winners of every Premiership games at random...  This is the bet that will prove whether there really are any footballing Gods supporting The Grambler!

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Sunderland - Home win - 2/7

West Brom vs Man Utd - Draw - 29/10

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Away win - 11/20

£1 @ 7/1

Oddly, The Grambler has managed to choose the only two games that actually matter in this accumulator, adding a little excitement to the proceedings.  Spurs will be hopeful of bettering Arsenal's result to pinch fourth place and the delicious Champions League football that comes with it.  Sunderland do not need to achieve anything following Wigan's midweek relegation but manager and horrible fascist (lest we forget) Paulo Di Canio might still have to prove to some supporters that he is the man to lead them next season.  Tickets are allegedly changing hands for thousands of pounds ahead of West Brom's tie against Man Utd.  This will of course be Sir Alex Ferguson's last game in charge and perhaps we should expect him to round off an illustrious career with a win.  The Baggies have also had a reasonable season and a point against the Champions would conclude things nicely.  Arsenal travel to Tyneside needing a win to secure fourth spot in the league but given the right results elsewhere, could force a 3rd/4th place play-off with Chelsea.  It is highly unlikely, however.  Newcastle will be relieved to find themselves safe having unexpectedly been dragged into a relegation fight towards the end of the season.  As with most teams at this stage of the season, they will no doubt still send out a strong starting line-up with instructions to win purely for the purposes of selling season tickets for next year.

Super Mega Awesome Grambler! accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Chelsea vs Everton - Home win - 8/11

Liverpool vs QPR - Draw - 6/1

Man City vs Norwich - Home win - 1/3

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Draw - 18/5

Southampton vs Stoke - Away win - 4/1

Swansea vs Fulham - Home win - 4/5

Spurs vs Sunderland - Draw - 5/1

West Brom vs Man Utd - Away win - 5/6

West Ham vs Reading - Home win - 4/6

Wigan vs Aston Villa - Away win - 13/5

50p @ 44,048/1

Check out those odds!  I am genuinely excited by this bet!  It is so horrendously wrong that it has to be right!  What a perfect way to round of the season that would be too.  I can then sell my story to the Daily Record or some equally poor 'newspaper', write the Grambler book over the summer, start recording my Christmas single in Autumn and by the end of the year, an estimated £1.6 million will on it's way to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!  Not that I'm setting my hopes unreasonably high or anything...

We shall return next week for the final Grambler of the season, a Champions League special. And then, who knows...?

STOP PRESS!!!!
Exciting news as I have decided to add a Eurovision bet to this week's proceedings!  The Grambler has selected Russia, who this year shall be represented by Dina Garipova singing What If (which turns out not to be a Lightning Seeds cover).  I'm not sure about this choice... Russia were robbed last year as the singing grannies of Buranovskiye Babushki were by far the best act of the night but failed to take the gong, maybe this could be their year?  The Russian entry is 16/1 to win outright so I have bet a quid each way and any winnings will go to the usual charidee.  Here is Miss Garipova in action for those of you curious enough...

Week 35: Nation in shock as 71 year old retires!

We should get this over with quickly, nothing of note has happened in the past week football-wise...

Oh wait, some old geezer has decided it is time to retire and move into a new role as puppetmaster director and ambassador at Old Traffford.  Yes, the time has finally come for Sir Alex Ferguson to retire after 26 years and 38 trophies with Manchester United.  It is the end of an era as the manager many have hailed as the greatest of all time laves the dugout for the last time.  One has to admire his many achievements; the treble in 1999, his tactical nous, his handling of the media, his ability to spot raw talent...  But personally, I believe that his greatest moment was that time that he twatted David Beckham on the head with a football boot.

Fellow irate Scotsman and Everton manager David Moyes has been given the thankless task of replacing Ferguson.  Whilst most critics have agreed that this is a wise move, with the key motive of maintaining a formula that has provided years success and stability to the club, many United fans have been angered by the appointment.  But then again, most United fans I have ever met have been idiots...

Sad news elsewhere as Aston Villa captain Stillian Petrov has been forced to retire as he continues his battle against leukaemia.  He has decided to devote his time to setting up a foundation to help sufferers of the bastarding disease.  Yet further proof, as if it were needed, that cancer is a big hairy arse.  You should really donate some money to help the fight against said big hairy arse.  How about donating to the Bobby Moore Fund?  They seem nice.

Sadly, the end of the season is nigh...  Two rounds of games remain in the Premiership with the final Champions League place and relegation spot still to be filled.  Similarly, there are still two games to play in the SPL, with the mighty Motherwell one point away from securing second place.  In the lower leagues of England and Scotland, the play-offs are already well under-way; most notably one of Watford, Brighton, Crystal Palace or Leicester will earn a coveted place in the Premiership.  And Manchester City will face Wigan on Saturday in an FA Cup final which is surely a foregone conclusion...  I mean, there's just no way that City's attack are getting past Gary Caldwell!  So there are only about 20 Grambleable games to choose from this weekend, but we shall bravely Gramble on to the bitter end!  Two bets of three this week, plus an extra special FA Cup final bet which has been calculated in the most spectacular Grambler fashion yet!

Three game all-league accumulator

Game - result - odds

St Mirren vs Aberdeen - Home win - 9/5

Peterhead vs Queen's Park - Home win - 4/5 

Crystal Palace vs Brighton - Draw - 23/10

50p @ 16/1

Meanwhile, back where Alex Ferguson won his first silverware... St Mirren take on the sheep-fanciers of Aberdeen in a meaningless wind-down game.  Dundee's relegation last week confirmed the Buddies survival whilst the Dons have pretty much cemented 7th place in the SPL.  Staying in Scotland, Peterhead go into the second-leg of their play-off tie against Queen's Park with a 1-0 lead thanks to a stoppage time penalty on Wednesday night.  The Blue Toon also defeated the Spiders 3-0 in the final round of league ties so could make it three-in-a-row on Sunday.  On Friday night, Crystal Palace and Brighton square up in the first leg of their play-off tie.  Much is at stake with promotion worth an estimated £60 million to Championship promotees.  Palace have not appeared in the top-flight since 2005 but Brighton have yet to make a Premiership appearance.

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - result - odds

Man Utd vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3

Stoke vs Tottenham - Away win - 10/11

Sunderland vs Southampton - 13/8

£1 @ 6/1

With the title already secured and Ferguson's imminent retirement, Man Utd fans will be turning out for a celebration rather than a competitive match on Sunday.  Likewise, Swansea will be celebrating another good year in the Premiership (along with League Cup triumph) so expect a party atmosphere and meaningless game at Old Trafford.  Stoke have slogged out the second half of the season and rumours abound that Tony Pullis will depart.  They may be out to prove a point in their final home game.  Tottenham continue to tussle with Arsenal for the sought-after final Champions League place and will see this as a must-win match.  Although Wigan look likely to join QPR and Reading in the Championship next season, there is still a chance either Sunderland or Southampton giving this game an air of a relegation battle. Both sides gambled by sacking their managers late in the season band it could pay off for either or both if they can avoid the dreaded drop.

Super extra special far-fetched and convoluted FA Cup bet

It would be a shame not to have a bet on the FA Cup final, but to choose either Manchester City or Wigan to win would be a) a tad boring and b) unlikely to win anything worthwhile.  So it made much more sense to enter the most complex formula into the Grambler spreadsheet of this season to come up with a prediction for an actual result and first goalscorer.  Obviously this is type of betting has not been outlined in the rules of The Grambler but then those of you who have been following may have noticed that I have changed the rules every couple of weeks anyway.  Also, it's Christmas so why not?  In the unlikely outcome that Manchester City and Wigan draw 1-1 with Pablo Zabaleta scoring the first goal, a cool £70 will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund courtesy of a 50p bet with odds of 140/1.  How do you like them apples?

That is all from the penultimate Grambler of the season.  No go forth and celebrate.  Perhaps by buying several Grambler t-shirts (go on, you know you want one!)

Week 34: Gramblersaurus, raaaaaaaaaawwwwwr!

This week, one rather peckish fellow has dominated the footballing headlines as Luis Suarez decided that it was a good idea to have a mid-game snack consisting of Branislav Ivanovic's forearm.  Strangely, the FA felt that this feast did not quite adhere to the rules of the game and promptly whipped out a ten match ban for the Liverpool based cannibal.  Absolutely everyone has had an opinion on this episode, including our glorious leader David Cameron who is worried about the example that Suarez's behaviour is setting for our children.  It's almost as good an example as taking your offspring to the pub and then leaving them there, eh Davey?

Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively.  The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs.  Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success.  Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.

And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.

Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator.  I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways.  If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free.  I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...

Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1

At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet.  Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win.  In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp.  In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.'  Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss.  But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely.  And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road.  Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league.  St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL.  Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.


Three game Premiership accumulator 
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1

In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet.  But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier.  Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish.  However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight.  Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations.  Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note.  Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun.  Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club.  West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten.  They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium.  Which is nice of us all!  Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs?  Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season.  At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though.  Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch.  How fickle football fans can be!  Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.  

An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results.  As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......

Week 33: Nooooo, not Rolf!

They say that a lot can happen in a week of football.  This week virtually nothing happened and a man punched a horse.  That is this week's summary for you.

Here are the bets...

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Hamilton vs Raith - Home win - 5/4
Aldershot vs Dag & Red - Away win - 14/5
Queen's Park vs East Stirling - Home win - 2/7
Norwich vs Reading - Draw - 11/4
Liverpool vs Chelsea - Home win - 23/20
50p @ 88/1


Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
QPR vs Stoke - Home win - 6/5
Sunderland vs Everton - Home win -9/4
Swansea vs Southampton - Home win - 13/10
50p @ 15/1


Three player anytime goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Olivier Giroud -Fulham vs Arsenal - 5/4
Sergio Aguero - Tottenham vs Man City - 8/5 
Juan Mata - Liverpool vs Chelsea - 5/2
50p @20/1

To save you the effort of dusting off the ol' calculator, I can confirm that the potential winnings of this week's bets combined are a humongous... £61.50!!!  As always, any winnings shall be donated to the good folks at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research, for cancer is a half-witted rapscallion and should be stopped.  Grambling is the only way!

Week 32: Teri Hatcher's dead!?

Okay, so the whole horse racing thing didn't work out too well.  After a short trip to the dog food factory, I'm willing to put that all behind us and from now on stick to Buckaroo when I'm in the mood for horsing around.  And so we return to what we know best this week... Football!*  And by 'know best', I clearly mean what we know very little about but Google thankfully fills in the blanks.  

*Although I am tempted to put some money on the French to win the real -life Quidditch World Cup...

A week of Champions League excitement saw Borussia Dortmund leave it late to beat a spunky Malaga side, Galatasaray give Real Madrid a run for their money and an injured Leo Messi still managing to make the difference against PSG, setting up the goal to see them through to the semi-finals.  Another league manager was carelessly tossed onto the scrapheap as Sheffield United parted ways with 1980s Scottish pop-rock group Danny Wilson.  The incredibly unlikeable Neil Warnock has already emerged as a contender for the vacancy.  And the Daily Mail started a campaign to have a minute silence at each weekend game to mark the death of Big Mags Thatcher, apparently oblivious to the fact that a large proportion of the country were less than enamoured to her.  Because obviously any attempt to have a minute silence in the name of Thatcher would end well, wouldn't it?  It's almost as if they want to anger people and have them boo their way through a minute's tribute in order to whip up a frenzy and feed off the outrage...  Oh wait, it's the Daily Mail.  That's exactly what they want.

And on that note, we move onto this weekend's football.  The Tyne-and-Wear derby could be the pick of the Premiership games, although the prospect of Southampton vs West Ham is tremendously exciting... Chelsea and Man City square-off for a place in the FA Cup final whilst in the other semi-final, Wigan and Millwall will compete in a half-empty Wembley...  And in Scotland, Hibs play Falkirk and Dundee United face Celtic for a place in the Scottish Cup Final.  But what does The Grambler have to say about it all?  Well, this:

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Newcastle vs Sunderland - Home win - 19/20

Stevenage vs Yeovil - Draw - 12/5

Dag & Red vs Oxford Utd - Home win - 6/5

Leeds vs Sheff Wed - Away win - 21/10

Wolves vs Huddersfield - Home win - 11/10

50p @ 94/1

Three game accumulator from the Premiership and FA Cup

Game - Result - Odds

Stoke vs Man Utd - Away win - 4/7

Chelsea vs Man City - Home win* - 21/10

Southampton vs West Ham - Home win - 17/20

£1 @ 8/1

*Obviously not actually a home game.  Result is after 90 minutes.

Three player any-time goalscorer accumulator

Player - Game - Odds

Theo Walcott - Arsenal vs Norwich - 10/11

Wayne Rooney - Stoke vs Man Utd - 6/4

Christian Benteke - Aston Villa vs Fulham - 11/10

50p @ 8/1

And that's yer lot for today.  In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund.  In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.  

Don't drink and Gramble.

Week 27: Vote Grambler for President of Venezuela!

Still buzzing from the success of The Gramblerzghi last weekend, I have become all the more determined to win some bets and send the proceeds over to the Bobby Moore Fund to assist in the war against bowel cancer; a war which has raged on for 87 years during which time a number of frankly unspeakable war crimes have been committed.

This determination has brought a massive realisation during a brief moment of clarity. In the old format, I did not win very much. With that in mind, famous popular music singer David Bowie has announced "The Grambler is ch-ch-ch-changing.". Poor old guy never did get round to working on that stutter...

So instead of one highly unlikely bet, we now have one highly unlikely bet plus two potential (but unlikely) winners.  The odds on the second and third bets are rather low but any winnings are good winnings.  So without much Freddy Adu, I present to you the all new Grambler (which I'll probably only stick with for one week before becoming lazy and complacent.)

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game, Result, Odds
Stranraer vs Albion Rovers, Home win, 7/10
Scunthorpe vs Coventry, Home win, 2/1
Peterborough vs Ipswich, Away win, 2/1
Birmingham vs Derby, Home win, 13/8
St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock, Home win, 10/11
50p @ 76/1

Bet the first is pretty much the same as the usual farfetched Grambler bet.  Once again, a win looks unlikely here... Perhaps 3 out of the 5 will come out correct.  However, whilst said scenario is possibly the best outcome, them pets don't win prizes as Dale Winton used to say... Actually, I'm not sure that he ever did say that.  I was about to Tweet him and ask but the only accounts for him seem to be fake. So I tweeted original PWP host Danny Baker instead.  


Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game, Result, Odds
Man City vs Barnsley, Home win, 1/7
West Brom vs Swansea, Home win, 29/20
Norwich vs Southampton, Draw, 12/5
50p @ 9/1

Our second bet aims to make The Grambler a touch more exciting by focusing purely on the Bestest League in the World.  For most people, the Premiership represents more exciting football than Torquay vs Accrington Stanley.  So by placing a bet only on Premiership games, the weekend may not be ruined even though the early kick off League Two game has already lost the main bet.  The FA Cup includes many top tier teams this weekend so these games have been included, hence the presence of Barnsley. The bet is not too shabby; Man City are the clear favourites in their match, West Brom have tremendous home form behind them and both Norwich and Southampton are prone to draws.  I should really have included a joke about Tevez putting City in the driving seat just there...

Bet 3: Three man anytime goalscorer accumulator from the Premiership
Player, Odds
Romelu Lukaku, 6/5
Edin Dzeko, 8/13
Steven Fletcher, 6/4
50p @ 8/1

Mixing things up a little, we have a goalscorer bet for the first time ever.  This is a historical moment, perhaps on as par with the moment that the Pope assassinated Trotsky on the moon.  Picked via random number generator from a list of all Premiership players to have scored 5 or more goals this season, the results are interesting.  West Brom's on-loan Lukaku has been in good form recently, whilst Dzeko can be good for a goal if Man City are in control...  The main problem is that he may not start.  Finally, Sunderland's Steve Fletcher has 10 goals thus far, most of which have come at home.  Unfortunately they are away to Ol' Melty Face Redknapp's QPR this afternoon.  Still, this bet may just make this afternoon's Grambling that little bit more enthralling.


A massive total of £48.50 up for grabs today from a £1.50 bet.  Should this format come anywhere close to success I'll be sticking to it.  Otherwise, I'll be doing a Cardinal Keith and pretending that this never happened...

Happy Gramblin!

Week 20: Following in the footsteps of Orwell.

Some projects can result in life changing experiences with devoted workers often given the opportunity to travel the world in search of essential information and fresh research to make said project a success.  The Grambler can now count itself as one of these endeavours.  Having previously been written from such majestic locations as 'my flat' and 'the Starbucks down the road', this edition is brought to you live from... the hospital!

Not just any hospital though (warning: history lesson due to commence) for it was this very hospital to which a Mr Eric Arthur Blair was admitted for treatment for tuberculosis back in 1947.  Blair was better known by his drag-queen stage-name name Big Barbara McBoobs but others may know him by his pen-name; George Orwell.  Orwell was already a well known novelist and satirist sadly nearing the end of his days as he arrived in said hospital.  He had made a name for himself with writings and essays based on his own experiences policing in Burma, living rough in Paris and Britain, fighting the war on fascism in Spain and encountering a farm run by a Stalinist pig.  But in the year 1947 in this very hospital, Orwell started work on his most famous and influential novel.  Based in a Dystopian future where governments had complete control over the population's every waking move and policed their thoughts, this book would go on to be used as a warning against officials gaining too much power the world over.  Orwell titled it 'Crazy Winston and the Great Mystery of Them People What Can Read Minds and Do Other Bad Stuff: With A Vengeance' but the publishers changed it to 1984.  So there you go, this blog is being written in the very same spot as one of the greatest pieces of literature of all time!  And by very same spot, I obviously mean that it was two miles down the road and demolished over 50 years ago, but let's not let facts get in the way of interesting nonsense.  Besides, I'm sure ol' George would have been ecstatic about the overpriced, PFI funded, already crumbling hospital full of failing equipment which has taken it's name.

And with that piece of satire which Mr Orwell would have been proud of, how's about some predictions?

Game 1: Fulham vs Swansea 
Prediction: Home win
Martin Jol's Fulham side were somewhat impressive last season as they finished the season comfortably in 9th place.  However, they have been hot and cold this season and currently languish in 14th.  A Boxing Day draw with Premiership strugglers Southampton angered Jol but he should perhaps have less offended by the result and more offended by striker Dimitar Berbatov.  The Bulgarian striker has been one of the most likeable strikers in the top flight for the past decade.  Often appearing lazy and always cocky with a 'couldn't care less' attitude and insane amount of skill, Berbatov has been a joy to watch.  However, he had to tarnish his image by celebrating with a 'keep calm and pass me the ball' T-shirt; a variation of the choice slogan of the brain dead, one which adorns every other item in Poundland...  Why Dimitar?  Swansea have enjoyed a good first-half of the season under Michael Laudrup and currently sit 9th in the table.  They failed to impress in their midweek game however, running out a goalless draw with relegation-fodder Reading at home.  Unfortunately for the Swans, top-scorer and bargain of the season Michu has been ruled out for this match, denting their chances of a win.  Laudrup will hope that Danny Graham can find his form from last season to provide the goals.  And also that crazed Ashley Williams doesn't go on another killing spree.
Odds: 11/10

Game 2: Morton vs Dunfermline
Prediction: Away win
The pick of the games from the First Division schedule today sees 2nd take on 3rd as both sides aim to remove Patrick Thistle from pole position.  There are now only two points separating the top three sides in the division as we head into the second-half of the season.  Morton fans will have been delighted by their sides recent form as they are now undefeated since the 10th of November.  On Wednesday they managed to pull of what seemed like the impossible by defeating Thistle at Firhill, thus ending the leader's impressive 100℅ home record.  Morton fans will be less delighted to realise that they live in Greenock.  Dunfermline had been impressive in the early stages of the season but have not won a single league game this month.  They were unfortunate to fall to defeat at home to Falkirk on Boxing Day, losing to a 90th minute Bairns goal.  Pars gaffer Jim Jeffries has described this tie as a 'massive' match in the race for the title, no doubt with his usual enthusiasm that makes him sound like he is about to throw himself in front of a moving freight train.
Odds:6/4

Game 3: Sunderland vs Tottenham
Prediction: Home win
Sunderland have, for the most part, been unimpressive this season.  In the early stages of the campaign they became known as draw specialists prone to throwing away leads whilst manager Martin O'Neill became one of the bookies favourites for the sack.  But the Black Cats gifted their fans with a seasonal stocking filler in the form of a 1-0 win over current champions Manchester City thanks to a goal from Adam Johnson.  The Wearside team have now won three of their last four league games, having kept a clean-sheet in each victory, and will be hoping to continue this resurgence.  Spurs fans seem to slowly coming to terms with manager Andres Vilas-Boas' methods.  The boss was booed by sections of the Spurs support after a sloppy start to the season but with his side now eyeing up third-spot in the league the boos have changed to sighs at the Portuguese's rugged features.  Tottenham recorded their biggest victory of the season against current Premiership whipping boys Aston Villa on Boxing Day, inspired by hat-trick from simian-lookalike cheat Gareth Bale (nope, I've still not forgiven him for that dive against Scotland).  Spurs have not allowed their defender Danny Rose, currently on-loan at Sunderland, to turn out against them today resulting in Rose reportedly telling his dad on them.
Odds: 11/4

Game 4: Brighton vs Watford 
Prediction: Home win
Brighton are currently placed a respectable 10th in the Championship but lead the way in two unwanted areas in the league; they have drawn more games than any other side in the division this year, with 10 draw in 23 attempts, and they have failed to score in more home games than other side.  They have yet to record a win in December, although last week's match against the Comedic Imploding Chicken Factory XI was postponed due to a waterlogged pitch.  The Seagulls have made several sacrifices in the name of Aztec rain God Tlalec this week to ensure that the Falmer Stadium is fit for some footballing action today.  Brighton welcome back midfielder Gary Dicker from injury... Nope, can't think of any jokes about his name.  Watford have shown their intent to return to the Premiership following a takeover from The Mafia the Pozzo family and find themselves 6th and challenging for a playoff place.  The Hornets have won twice and drawn once in their last four but like their opponents, their last match was a washout.  Unlike their opponents, manager Gianfranco Zola performed ceremonies to the Inuit rain God Asiaq.  One of them has to have picked the right deity.    Whatever the outcome of today's game, don't expect Watford to park the bus.  It's something that they have trouble with.
Odds: 1/1

Game 5: Aldershot vs Torquay
Prediction: Home win
Damn you Torquay, where were you last week when I needed a turkey pun?  It's useless showing up now, at least 350 days before anyone is likely to even contemplate eating turkey!  You deserve to lose for crap timing alone.  Not that it matters anyway as this game is this week's Game What Has Been Called Off Because Of The Bloody Typical British Weather Of The Week.
Odds: 8/5

Them are some swell predictions!  And should they all be correct, £102 shall be added to the Bobby Moore Fund fund.  Worth mentioning that the reason for my hospitalisation is linked to the marauding bastard that is bowel cancer, so here's a thought seeing as it's the season of goodwill and giving... You know that lovely wee granny of yours who gave you £20 for Christmas? Show her how kind you can be by nicking her purse and giving the contents to the Bobby Moore Fund.

Have a good New Year all, we shall return for some more Grambling in 2013!

Week 11 results: Grambling in 25 words!

I shall be keeping this short and sweet.  For you see, today is the second anniversary of Mrs Grambler and I (Happy Anniversary Mrs G!) and so I have been very busy over the weekend and therefore unable to conduct the usual flawless journalism required around these parts.  

A lack of available time means that I shall be limiting each game to 25 words this week.  This will be a challenge!  And I'm counting a scoreline as one word!

As an aside, I did stop in the town of Ambleside over the weekend and had to fight the urge to add GR to the start of every road sign I noticed...

Game 1: Wigan Athletic vs West Ham
Prediction: Away win ( x )
Ivan Ramis volley goal 1-0!  James McArthur strike, 2-0.  Tomkins last minute consolation.  Martinez happy man, Allardyce sad man... West Ham sloppy!  Yuck, sloppy ham!

Game 2: Bury vs Walsall
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )
Wayhey!  Will Grigg early goal, Walsall lead... Minutes later, Dominic Poleon equalised.  Home team have many chances but don't score; Walsall goalkeeper David Grof plays goodly.

Game 3: Inverness Caledonian Thistle vs St Johnstone

Prediction: Home win ( x )
Inverness throw it away!  Graeme Shinnie won penalty, Andrew Shinnie missed penalty. Billy McKay scores low strike, 1-0 Thistle!  Saints equalise in last minute!  Booooooo!

Game 4: Chelsea vs Manchester United feat. Mark Clattenburg

Prediction: Home win ( x )
Lots happened!  United 2-0 up, Chelsea fightback 2-2!  Young fell over, Ivanovic red card!  Torres fouled, dive!  Red card!  Hernandez goal wins!  Clattenburg sweary/racist?

Game 5: Livingston vs Greenock Morton

Prediction: Away win
Iain Russell, 8 minutes, GOOOOOAAAAL! 1-0 Livi...  Second half, Archibald Campbell, two goals in five minutes.  Morton lead!  Ten minutes left, Russell scores penalty, 2-2!

Game 6: Accrington Stanley vs Bristol Rovers

Prediction: Away win ( x )

Stanley win 1-0.  Goal from Padraig Amond.  Mark McGhee? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Game 7: Stoke vs Sunderland

Prediction: Away win ( x )

Riveting as expected!  Nothing happened.  Only incident, Huth handball - penalty denied.  Tony Pulis wore a hat.  Sunderland draw too much.  So do Stoke.  How boring!

Bonus points if you read every game whilst counting the words.

Overall, a week which was as forgettable as this write-up.  Hopefully we will get things back on track on Wednesday with The Grambler Halloween special!  It will be the exact same as the usual Grambler, but I will have a sheet over my head!

I could use the following quote from Robert Frost to sum up this week:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."

But have decided to alter it slightly to fit today's theme:

"In twenty five words I can sum up everything I've learned about life.  It goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on."

- Robert Frost, poet and Grambler

Week 11: No longer available on Ceefax

For two weeks running, The Grambler has given us five correct predictions out of the seven games.  And you know what they say; Good things come in threes... Three is the magic number... Three times a lady...

On that basis, we can expect another set of 71.42857142857143% accurate predictions this week!
Game 1: Wigan Athletic vs West Ham
Prediction: Away win
The town of Wigan (not to be confused with the town of Wogan in Togo, which I imagine would be like the scene in Being John Malkovich where he ends up in his own head.  Only with Terry Wogan.) is well known as being more interested in rugby than football.  But under the stewardship of Roberto Martinez, the Latics have become known as a feisty side with an 'against-all-odds' survival record.  With five points from eight games this season, it looks like their fans could be in for more of the same.  West Ham have perhaps been this season's surprise package.  Having spent last season in Championship, they gained promotion the hard way via the play-offs.  Many expected them to struggle back in the Premiership but four wins and two draws from their first eight games sees them sit 7th in the table, level on points with Spurs in 5th.   The sides have already met once this season when Wigan visited Upton Park and won 4-1 in the League Cup, prompting Sam Allardyce to declare "we couldn't defend a fish supper tonight."  No comment needed there, really.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 23/10

Game 2: Bury vs Walsall
Prediction: Draw
Bury have spent most of the season sitting at the foot of the table, but on Tuesday night they finally won a game; a first victory of the campaign.  This allowed them to leapfrog their defeated opponents Hartlepool but could it be the start of a winning streak?
Walsall started the season brightly, winning five of their first nine, but have not won a league game since September, causing them to slip back down the table.  A win here could push them close to the play-off places but they will have to make-do without Dean Holden, suspended after his sending off at Sheffield United.  Bury took all six points against their opponents last season which will give them some confidence.  They are also the only football team, in my knowledge, to have a former Prime Minister as mascot.  I shudder at the thought of some poor guy having to dress up in a novelty foam David Cameron costume in years to come...
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 3: Inverness Caledonian Thistle vs St Johnstone

Prediction: Home win
Following a mediocre start to the campaign, Inverness have found their feet in recent weeks.  Three wins a row, and five games without defeat, have pushed the Highlands club to fifth in the table, ahead of title favourites Motherwell.  Boss Terry Butcher has expressed his delight at the number of goals his side have claimed, with Andrew Shinnie leading the way on seven so far.  That should give his career a leg-up.  Not to be outdone, St Johnstone also had a poor start to the season, but have gone on to win their last five matches.  They now sit second in the SPL, which is the equivalent of 14th in League One.  A win for the Saints on Saturday would see them set a new club record for the most consecutive wins.  The ghost of Roy Castle will be watching on anxiously.  This game could go either way.  Or it could end in a draw.  Some wonderful insight there for you.  Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 13/10

Game 4: Chelsea vs Manchester United

Prediction: Home win
A game that will no doubt be hailed as an early title decider by the red-tops.  Or worse still, a TITLE DECIDER!!!  Chelsea have only dropped two points in the league this season in a goalless draw with QPR but showed that they do have frailties on Tuesday night, with a 2-1 defeat at Shakhtar Donetsk in the Champions League.  But any fans deflated by one European defeat can show their support for the club and boost their belief in the team by purchasing the Official Chelsea Christmas Countdown Gnome!  I bought four.  United are currently four points adrift of their opponents at the top of the table and will be wary of ending the day seven points from the top spot.  Sir Alex of Ferguson rested a number of players on Tuesday night, as his side faltered to a 3-2 victory over Braga.  His leaky defence will be an urgent concern but the starting eleven should include anti-racism t-shirt hatin' Rio Ferdinand.  Should the referee invoke little known FA rule 8.2, subsection F, paragraph 3 line 2 (which reads "and should any game reach its 72nd minute, and the officials feel the urge, the result may be decided by the quality and/or novelty factor of gnomes available in the club shop") Chelsea already have this tie in the bag.  Man United's gnomes are crap.     
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 13/10

Game 5: Livingston vs Greenock Morton

Prediction: Away win
Livingston currently inhabit the sixth spot in the league and already look set for a season un-threatened by relegation whilst failing to trouble the promotion contenders.  In nine games this season, they have taken 12 points leaving them ten points adrift of the top spot already.  Morton could be an outsider bet for promotion to the SPL, currently sitting third in the division on 18 points, just four behind the leaders.  The Greenock side's run of five straight wins was halted last week by a 2-2 draw when visiting Dunfermline.  Livingston have only won one at home this season whilst their opponents have managed two wins on the road.  The last time these two sides met at Almondvale, the fans were treated to a spectacularly entertaining goalless draw and they will no doubt hope for more of the same today.  Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 9/5

Game 6: Accrington Stanley vs Bristol Rovers

Prediction: Away win
Stanley had made an optimistic start to the season and were inhabiting the upper-reaches of the table until  the end of September.  Failure to take a single point from any of their last four games has sent them back down the division to 16th so they will be looking to get things back on track.  Accrington may however have to make do without their manager Paul Cook (or their cook Paul Manager, I get mixed up) as Chesterfield made an approach to lure him away to the Proact Stadium on Wednesday morning.  Bristol Rovers have faired worse in the league this season.  Just three wins in thirteen has left them just three points outside of the relegation zone.  Shows what happens when you give up on a good thing to go chasing money, eh Mark McGhee?  As with a number of teams, I cannot claim to know too much about Rovers, so turning to the ever-reliable Wikipedia for information: "Should you cast your eyes over the Tote End of the the old Eastville Stadium during the 70s, it would often resemble the famous bar scene in Star Wars."  Right...
Reliability balls: 4/10
Odds on this result: 2/1

Game 7: Stoke vs Sunderland

Prediction: Away win
Known for their free-flowing total-football style which is often compared to that of Barcelona, Stoke have now graced the Premiership for a number of years and picked up many new fans along the way, including Arsene Wenger.  The Potters have only been defeated twice this season yet somehow have only won once.  Probably a result of other teams 'parking the bus' when they come up against Stoke.  Also, legend has it that Tony Pullis always wears that hat to hide an ill-advised tattoo declaring his love for Lesley Joseph which covers his scalp.  Sunderland have a fairly similar record this season under former-messiah turned regular-manager Martin O'Neill.  With one win, one loss and four draws to their name, one could easily predict that this game is destined to end in a draw.  Having pinched a point at home to rivals Newcastle last week, the Black Cats could move into the top half of the table with a win this weekend.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 3/1


The past few weeks have seen some pretty poor odds appearing around these parts, partially a result of semi-believable predictions and partially a bookmakers conspiracy to stop The Grambler.  However, this week's spectacular mix of away wins and downright ridiculous predictions gives us odds of 1,993/1.  

Place your bets now!

Week 6 results: You f#%!ing plebs!

A wee Andrew Mitchell MP quote there to help start this week's results.  Mitchell is, of course, in trouble for saying out loud what the Tories don't want us to know they are all thinking.  And in order to keep this vaguely football related, I should mention that Mr Mitchell does not support any team in particular but is a massive fan of Middlesbrough's André Bikey.  Because he rides a bike.  

This week's Grambling could have gone better, and genuinely looked like it would have at times on Saturday.  However, a few late goals here and there ultimately nullified the main bet.  Saving face, the doubles bet won a MASSIVE £2.53, which shall be added to the Bobby Moore Fund fund to give us a running total of £10.03!  Double-figures at last!


Here is a blow-by-blow account of the weekend's Grambling expedition.  Warning: May contain traces of nut.     

Game 1: Derby County vs Burnley
Prediction: Draw ( x )
The first prediction of the week came so very close to being correct, but the Rams will be feeling rather sheepish after letting a draw turn into a defeat in the dying minutes of this game.  Derby had raced into a twentieth minute lead when the Burnley defence failed to clear a corner, allowing Jamie Ward to score the opener.  Twelve minutes later and the Clarets had equalised through striker Charlie Austin.  Keeping on top of the action, this happy Grambler was rather chuffed as the game approached it's finale looking likely to end in a draw.  But evil Charles Austin decided that he did not like the idea of money going to charity, scoring with an emphatic header in the 89th minute to show his support for tumours everywhere.  It proved to be a good day for Austin, who only took up football as a side-job whilst not producing vacuum pumps.  It was not such a good day for Nigel Clough's men, who slipped below their opponents in the league.  It was a hard result to accept for the manager, who has a statue of his old man outside the stadium.  And that is not a euphemism. 

Game 2: Crystal Palace vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )

Cardiff squandered the chance to move top of the Championship despite making a fantastic start at Selhurst Park.  Palace started well, but Aron Gunnarsson scored against the run of play, slotting calmly past Julian Speroni.  Two minutes later and City had doubled their lead with a volley from Mafia farmer Don Cowie.  From then until half-time, Cardiff looked rather comfortable and could even have extended the lead further, with Craig Bellamy firing over from nine yards.  A renewed Palace side emerged in the second-half and instantly pressured their opponents.  Within six minutes of the restart, opening scorer Gunnarsson was adjudged to have handled inside his area and Glenn Murray scored from the spot.  Murray got his second on 62 minutes when a deflected shot fell to him and he shot past Cardiff's David Marshall.  And the fightback was complete ten minutes later when Heidar Helguson made a reckless challenge in the Cardiff box, forcing the referee to award a second penalty to the Eagles.  Murray stepped up to claim his hat-trick and seal the win, rounding off a mint performance (insert cymbal crash here).

Game 3: Liverpool vs Manchester United
Prediction: Liverpool ( x )

Two of the great rivals of English football squared up in typical fashion (football kits, mostly) in a day which started with more tributes to the victims of the Hillsborough disaster.  And more importantly, two overpaid men SHOOK HANDS WITH EACH OTHER!!!  Liverpool dominated in the first half, but as usual failed to realise that scoring goals is a prerequisite of controlling matches.  Late in the first half, ridiculously named Jonjo Shelvey (is it John or Joe, make your mind up!) was shown a straight red for a mis-timed tackle.  Strangely, ten-man Liverpool went on to take the lead after the restart as Steven Gerrard volleying home just seconds after the interval.  But the lead was to last a mere five minutes as a neat move from United ended with Rafael Da Silva beating Pepe Reina.  United would go on to take all three points when Glen Johnson brought down Nuno Valencia inside the area, and Robin Van Persie slotted home the resulting penalty.  In the aftermath of the game, referee Mark Halsey has contacted police to report offensive comments on his Twitter feed.  Whilst not disclosed by the police, I can confirm that he was referred to as VARK Halsey (vark meaning pig in Afrikaans, obviously.) 

Game 4: Port Vale vs Gillingham 
Prediction: Port Vale ( x )

A battle of the big boys in League Two ended with Gillingham cementing their place as league leaders.  The visitors were in control for most of the game and took the lead on 11 minutes when THE Deon Burton headed in Robbie Findley's cross.  Did anyone know he was still playing?  I seem to remember at France 1998 everyone thought he was going to be the badger's nadgers but he ended up being... a bit crap.  The Gills (who take their nickname from celebrated nuclear physicist Piara Singh Gill) made it two when Chris Whelpdale fired home from a Joe Martin through-ball.  Onomatologists everywhere will jump at the chance to tell you that Whelpdale's surname means Puppyvalley, so that is how he shall be referred to should he ever appear in The Grambler again.  Following the game, Gillingham midfielder Danny Jackman said "The gaffer's tried to get us work as a solid unit, and once we all attack together, we all defend together."  Top clichés, sir! 

Game 5: West Ham vs Sunderland
Prediction: Sunderland ( x )

Sunderland have now drawn so many games that they may as well just get it over with and rename the club Sundrawland.  The perennial single-pointers started brightly with summer signing and Craig Levein ignoree Steven Fletcher scored the opening goal after nine minutes, dedicating his goal to his father who is currently incarcerated at Slade Prison.  West Ham responded by piling the pressure on the Black Cats, but could not break their resolute defence.  A number of chances went to waste as Sunderland sat in their own half for most of the second half, hopeful of defending their narrow lead.  All looked swell for The Grambler, as the game entered it's final minutes with an away victory in sight.  But cap'n Kevin Nolan had other ideas; in the dying seconds, the ball fell to him in the six yard box and he hooked the ball into the net.  A dramatic end to the game and another nail in the coffin for my coupon.  In tribute to home team's goalscorer, here is potentially the best joke I have ever come up with: Which West Ham player has problems when accessing the internet? Kevin No LAN! ThankyouverymuchladiesandgentlemenI'llbehereallweek!   

Game 6: Aberdeen vs Motherwell
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )

Saturday afternoon.  Pittodrie, Aberdeen.  83 minutes on the clock.  Motherwell lead by three goals to one.  Stuart McCall shouts cap'n Keith over to the touchline.  "Psst...  I've just noticed that The Grambler has us on for a draw this weekend... Better tell the lads to ship two goals in the last seven minutes... You ain't seen me, right?"  McCall taps his nose and slinks back in to the dugout, his ginger mullet flowing in the wind.  It's the only plausible explanation.  It was Aberdeen who had opened the scoring, Gavin Rae heading into the net after six minutes of play.  Well's Michael Higdon levelled things before the break with his seventh goal in as many games (and yet, half of the East Stand still boo him... Yes, I'm talking to YOU exceedingly angry man with black baseball cap and senile father in tow who sits two rows in front of me!)  Motherwell took control after the break, Shaun Hutchinson heading them into the lead.  The win looked to be sealed on 82 minutes when Nicky Law scored from close range, but this is when the above conversation took place.  Niall McGinn proved that the game was not over with a header on 84 minutes as the away side let him score.  And McCall's brilliant plan came to fruition in the last minute of stoppage time as Josh Magennis scored in dramatic fashion.  So thank you Stuart McCall for sacrificing a comfortable lead at the top of the SPL just for The Grambler, much appreciated!

Game 7: Morton vs Raith Rovers
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )

My 'Favourite Match Report of the Week' award (a new award celebrating my favourite match report of the week) goes to whoever writes the reports on the Raith Rovers website, who informs us of important match incidents such as 'the referee is a former cricketer' and 'the fans munched on bacon rolls.'  Raith appeared to have a number of chances to build on their recent good form, but could not find their finishing touch as Stuart Anderson, Scott Taggart, Jason Thomson  and Simon Mensing  missed the target.   The decisive goal came from one of the home side's few chances, when Stephen Stirling hit a thunderous 25 yard strike past former Raith keeper David McGurn.  The win pushed Morton up to third place in the First Division, much to delight of manager Allan Moore who, along with being a mediocre football manager, wrote the Watchmen and V for Vendetta.  Assuming of course that there could not possibly be more than one person with this common forename and surname combination.

So another mildly successful week, still waiting for the big win.  Inevitably it will come on the final round of games of the season, whereby I will win two grand setting me up nicely for a Danny Wallace-esque book.  

The next round of Grambling will start at 9 a.m. sharp on Friday (which translates roughly to 7.30 p.m. by my timing).  As I have won some money for a few weeks now, I am legally obliged to provide an inspirational quote about winning.  So take it away Mr Roy Castle:

"If you wanna be the best,and you wanna beat the rest.  Oo-ooh!  Dedication's what you need.  (Trumpet Solo)"

Week 6: Better late than never!

I did not get the chance to write the usual post-weekend analysis last week, so my apologies go out to the four people who are still reading.  It was a rather good weekend, with four of the seven results correct.  Thanks to the trebles bet I won £5.75, all of which shall be added to the Bobby Moore Fund collection.  So we not have a grand total of £7.50! Cancer beware, I am totally going to fund a cure with that money!

I am rather excited by this week's Gramblings... A total of 67 games to choose from and The Grambler has managed to select my two favourite teams in the same week, giving me all the more reason to be completely engrossed in this weekend's football action.  

The Almighty One has picked the following:  

Game 1: Derby County vs Burnley
Prediction: Draw

My old man is from Derby and gi old man is from Derby and his old man... well, that's all I know about my family tree.  When I was young 'un kicking a football about the school-yard at playtime, everyone wanted to be Eric Cantona, Alan Shearer or Gianfranco Zola.  I wanted to be Marco Gabbiadini.  Which is weird because not even Marco Gabbiadini wants to be Marco Gabbiadini.  I have always kept an eye out for them, and will be doing more-so this weekend whilst screaming "COME ON YOU RAMS, DRAW THIS ONE!"  Derby currently sit 12th in the Championship and have yet to lose at Pride Park.  Burnley are heading down the M1 (or A551 depending on which route the driver wants to take) without a single point away from home in three attempts this season.  Manager Eddie Howe has berated his side's lack of consistency this season, having watched the Clarets win two games comfortably and lose the other four.  Obviously, he does not understand howe this can happen.

Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 2: Crystal Palace vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Home win
Staying in the Championship and we are off to Selhurst Park, where Palace are looking to extend their unbeaten run to four games.  Having won, drawn and lost one game at home apiece this season, the Eagles will be hopeful of moving out of the bottom half of the table with a win today.  They will have to do so without frormer Cardiff player and Wales international Danny Gabbidon and the ridiculously Irish sounding Paddy McCarthy, who is so Irish that the Corrs wrote a song about him.  Cardiff have only been beaten only once this season and will be hoping to take advantage of Blackburn's slip-up last night to claim the top-spot with a win.  The BlueRedbirds won both league games between the two last season and also dumped Palace out of the league cup on penalties at the semi-final stage.  The Welsh boyos will have to make-do without one big-name summer signing as Nicky Maynard is injured but Craig Bellamy returns to action after missing out on Tuesday night as Cardiff defeated Millwall.

Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 11/5

Game 3: Liverpool vs Manchester United
Prediction: Liverpool
Woohoo, we have a biggie this week!  And it appears to be a battle between the most unlikeable teams in English football!  All eyes will be on Anfield on Sunday for a number of reasons; a fierce and long-running rivalry extends into another season, the nonsensical furore surrounding Luis Saurez and Patrice Evra continues, Sir Alex Ferguson has issued a letter to United fans asking them to stop singing songs about tragedy, the same goes for Liverpool fans and yet another Hillsborough tribute will be taking place (no offence intended as it was a horrific incident, but many of these do we need?)  Sir has pleaded with his players to remain disciplined in what could be a melting pot, whilst Brendan Rodgers has said that he expects a 'peaceful game', akin to that seen in the trenches on Christmas Day during World War 1: First Blood.  So expect the players to trade cigarettes, make jolly japes and compare pictures of their loved ones back home.  Regarding the actual football, Liverpool have been awful this season but may be fired up for the reasons given above.  The home crowd may also help so this could be a possibility.

Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 17/10

Game 4: Port Vale vs Gillingham 
Prediction: Port Vale
Dropping down to League Two, and another exciting game as a top-of-the-table clash takes place over at Stoke-on-Trent.  Just three points separates the two teams who currently occupy 1st and 2nd place in the league.  Under Micky Adams, Port Vale have exceeded expectations and made an impressive start to the season in spite of financial trouble and uncertainty over the clubs future.  Still in administration, the club have only lost one game this season with five wins.  They are also undefeated at their imaginatively named Vale Park home-ground.  Gillingham have gone one step farther and remained unbeaten all season.  The Gills have only dropped two points this season in a home-draw with Chesterfield.  They have also strengthened their squad with the addition of Nottingham Forrest's USA international striker Robbie Findlay, who could start today.  Would you like to see him miss an absolute sitter for Forrest back in January?  Of course you would!

Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 13/10

Game 5: West Ham vs Sunderland
Prediction: Sunderland
Many people had expected West Ham to struggle upon gaining promotion back to the big-bad world of the Premiership.  Although they are absolutely horrific to watch, as Sam Alardyce teams tend to be, they have actually adapted quite well to the pace of the top league and have managed two wins and a draw in their opening four games.  Andy Carroll has been reported to be back in light-training (as opposed to dark-training) but is not likely to feature this weekend.  Sunderland have neither won nor lost this season; in three games they have drawn three.  Martin O'Neill will hope that his side can manage a victory for the first time since March; in eleven games since their last win they have drawn a massive eight.  Adam Johnson may miss out through an injury sustained whilst playing a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos with Steven Fletcher.

Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 13/5

Game 6: Aberdeen vs Motherwell
Prediction: Draw
Finally, the kings of football appear!  Currently running away with the SPL title, Motherwell are clearly the greatest team in Scotland and their lack of trophies is purely a result of many years not playing to their full ability as it would embarrass evceryone they played.  A great start to the season sees Motherwell sitting top of the table and undefeated.  A draw at Aberdeen would be a nice preparation for dumping Rangers out of the league cup next week.  They will be up against an Aberdeen side managed by a dishonest old twat.  Grandpaw Broon has not quite managed to transform the Dons in the way that the fans expected, with them continuing to float around the bottom half of the SPL table.  Their fans have yet to notice that this is the case however, as they all think it is still 1989 and their team is half decent.  I can't say that I'll be enturely disappointed if this prediction is incorrect and the Well pump the Sheepies.  

Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 9/4

Game 7: Morton vs Raith Rovers
Prediction: Home win
The final game of the week occurs in the Scottish First Division, as Raith visit the midden that is Greenock.  Rovers currently sit higher in the league table but only two points separate the sides.  Raith also finished one position higher in the league last season and the last encounter between the sides at Cappielow ended with a 3-1 victory for the away side.  But Morton manager Allen Moore has insisted that his side can make the most of their home advantage saying "I insist that we can make the most of our home advantage."  

Reliability balls: 5/10

Odds on this result: 13/10

That is our bet for this week.  Most of the games are approaching half-time just now because I am late in writing this, however the bet was placed on facebook.com/LetsGramble on Friday morning so be sure to like us over there for more up 
to date announcements.


Total odds this week are 1,817/1.  And I promise to update this on Monday morning with the results.  Honestly!