Week 36: What the Hell do we do now!?

You may recall last season ending in rather dramatic fashion with that Aguero stoppage type goal against QPR prising the title from the clutches of Manchester United.  Well, this season is slightly different.  The relegation spots are filled, the title has been decided, runners-up are already in place and unless something ridiculous happens, Chelsea have have third sewn up.  So the only matter of interest is the race for fourth place.  Can you feel the excitement?  No, neither can I.  

There are of course play-off finals taking place which are far more exciting. With places up for grabs in the Championship and Premiership, Brentford will take on Yeovil tomorrow and Crystal Palace play Watford a week on Monday respectively.  And of course the Champions League final takes place next weekend so there is still something to look forward to.  But then, a whole summer without football!  Nooooooooooooooo!

This week's Grambler is made up entirely from Premiership games.  We have the usual three game accumulator and since it's the last round of games of the season... The Super Mega Awesome Grambler!  A ten game accumulator attempting to pick the winners of every Premiership games at random...  This is the bet that will prove whether there really are any footballing Gods supporting The Grambler!

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Sunderland - Home win - 2/7

West Brom vs Man Utd - Draw - 29/10

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Away win - 11/20

£1 @ 7/1

Oddly, The Grambler has managed to choose the only two games that actually matter in this accumulator, adding a little excitement to the proceedings.  Spurs will be hopeful of bettering Arsenal's result to pinch fourth place and the delicious Champions League football that comes with it.  Sunderland do not need to achieve anything following Wigan's midweek relegation but manager and horrible fascist (lest we forget) Paulo Di Canio might still have to prove to some supporters that he is the man to lead them next season.  Tickets are allegedly changing hands for thousands of pounds ahead of West Brom's tie against Man Utd.  This will of course be Sir Alex Ferguson's last game in charge and perhaps we should expect him to round off an illustrious career with a win.  The Baggies have also had a reasonable season and a point against the Champions would conclude things nicely.  Arsenal travel to Tyneside needing a win to secure fourth spot in the league but given the right results elsewhere, could force a 3rd/4th place play-off with Chelsea.  It is highly unlikely, however.  Newcastle will be relieved to find themselves safe having unexpectedly been dragged into a relegation fight towards the end of the season.  As with most teams at this stage of the season, they will no doubt still send out a strong starting line-up with instructions to win purely for the purposes of selling season tickets for next year.

Super Mega Awesome Grambler! accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Chelsea vs Everton - Home win - 8/11

Liverpool vs QPR - Draw - 6/1

Man City vs Norwich - Home win - 1/3

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Draw - 18/5

Southampton vs Stoke - Away win - 4/1

Swansea vs Fulham - Home win - 4/5

Spurs vs Sunderland - Draw - 5/1

West Brom vs Man Utd - Away win - 5/6

West Ham vs Reading - Home win - 4/6

Wigan vs Aston Villa - Away win - 13/5

50p @ 44,048/1

Check out those odds!  I am genuinely excited by this bet!  It is so horrendously wrong that it has to be right!  What a perfect way to round of the season that would be too.  I can then sell my story to the Daily Record or some equally poor 'newspaper', write the Grambler book over the summer, start recording my Christmas single in Autumn and by the end of the year, an estimated £1.6 million will on it's way to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!  Not that I'm setting my hopes unreasonably high or anything...

We shall return next week for the final Grambler of the season, a Champions League special. And then, who knows...?

STOP PRESS!!!!
Exciting news as I have decided to add a Eurovision bet to this week's proceedings!  The Grambler has selected Russia, who this year shall be represented by Dina Garipova singing What If (which turns out not to be a Lightning Seeds cover).  I'm not sure about this choice... Russia were robbed last year as the singing grannies of Buranovskiye Babushki were by far the best act of the night but failed to take the gong, maybe this could be their year?  The Russian entry is 16/1 to win outright so I have bet a quid each way and any winnings will go to the usual charidee.  Here is Miss Garipova in action for those of you curious enough...

Week 34: Gramblersaurus, raaaaaaaaaawwwwwr!

This week, one rather peckish fellow has dominated the footballing headlines as Luis Suarez decided that it was a good idea to have a mid-game snack consisting of Branislav Ivanovic's forearm.  Strangely, the FA felt that this feast did not quite adhere to the rules of the game and promptly whipped out a ten match ban for the Liverpool based cannibal.  Absolutely everyone has had an opinion on this episode, including our glorious leader David Cameron who is worried about the example that Suarez's behaviour is setting for our children.  It's almost as good an example as taking your offspring to the pub and then leaving them there, eh Davey?

Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively.  The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs.  Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success.  Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.

And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.

Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator.  I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways.  If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free.  I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...

Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1

At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet.  Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win.  In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp.  In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.'  Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss.  But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely.  And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road.  Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league.  St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL.  Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.


Three game Premiership accumulator 
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1

In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet.  But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier.  Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish.  However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight.  Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations.  Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note.  Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun.  Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club.  West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten.  They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium.  Which is nice of us all!  Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs?  Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season.  At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though.  Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch.  How fickle football fans can be!  Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.  

An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results.  As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......

Week 33: Nooooo, not Rolf!

They say that a lot can happen in a week of football.  This week virtually nothing happened and a man punched a horse.  That is this week's summary for you.

Here are the bets...

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Hamilton vs Raith - Home win - 5/4
Aldershot vs Dag & Red - Away win - 14/5
Queen's Park vs East Stirling - Home win - 2/7
Norwich vs Reading - Draw - 11/4
Liverpool vs Chelsea - Home win - 23/20
50p @ 88/1


Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
QPR vs Stoke - Home win - 6/5
Sunderland vs Everton - Home win -9/4
Swansea vs Southampton - Home win - 13/10
50p @ 15/1


Three player anytime goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Olivier Giroud -Fulham vs Arsenal - 5/4
Sergio Aguero - Tottenham vs Man City - 8/5 
Juan Mata - Liverpool vs Chelsea - 5/2
50p @20/1

To save you the effort of dusting off the ol' calculator, I can confirm that the potential winnings of this week's bets combined are a humongous... £61.50!!!  As always, any winnings shall be donated to the good folks at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research, for cancer is a half-witted rapscallion and should be stopped.  Grambling is the only way!

Week 17: Lying next to a wayside for some reason

You may have noticed that this 'ere website has fallen by the wayside a little over the past few weeks.  Two things worth pointing out: 1) I have been rather busy in other aspects of life and have not been able to commit the same amount of time to typing gibberish for the benefit of four or five people who remain loyal Gramblers and; 2) What exactly is a wayside? And how/why does one fall by it?  

A quick look back at last week's result first of all.  I lost.  Only two out of the five correct, which seems to be the standard these days.  I'm starting to think that I'd be as well just making a list of everyone who has ever worked for the BBC and allowing the Grambler to select a handful each week to be outed as sex-offenders.  Think I'd be making more money that way...

Anyhoo, here is this week's bet with very little in the way of commentary.  

Game 1: Sheffield Wednesday vs Bristol City
Prediction: Home win

An early 'relegation battle' with both teams sitting uncomfortably close to the Championship's trapdoor.  A win for either side could take them out of the relegation zone.  Could go either way, really. 

Reliability balls: 6/10

Odds on this result: 11/10

Game 2: Port Vale vs Chesterfield

Prediction: Home win

Port Vale are flying high in League Two so the home fans will be expecting another victory.  Chesterfield manager Paul Cook hopes that he has the recipe for success so that his side can serve up a win.

Reliability balls: 7/10

Odds on this result: 11/10

Game 3: Southampton vs Reading
Prediction: Draw

Another clash between two sides in the relegation zone, both started the season as contenders for the drop and have failed to disappoint.  Reading won 3-1 at St Mary's back in April but the Saints have been the better side in the Premiership (just).

Reliability balls: 5/10

Odds on this result: 13/5

Game 4: West Ham vs Liverpool
Prediction: Away win

West Ham have been solid at home this season but Liverpool have been showing signs of improvement in recent weeks.  I wouldn't choose to bet on Liverpool but Jordan Henderson scored a goal on Thursday, so surely anything is possible?

Reliability balls: 5/10

Odds on this result: 11/8

Game 5: Brechin City vs Ayr United
Prediction: Home win

Match already postponed due to a frozen pitch.  Scottish weather, eh?  

Reliability balls: 0/10

Odds on this result: 11/10

Only four games to get correct for a win this week then.  Is it possible?  Yes.  Will it happen?  Probably not.  Total odds for the five games this week was 78/1 but since that last match has been frozen, we are down to a mere 38/1 by my calculations.  Which may be wrong.

And I am solemnly making the promise that normal service shall resume next week.  I have far too many puns to get out of my system.

Week 15 Results: With 100% added lost bet!

This week I have learned that 100% more bets is not equal to 100% more wins.  I have also learned that Chelsea fans hold grudges if you belittle their plastic flags and are rather fickle when it comes to the sacking and appointment (and subsequent sacking) of managers.  In order to avoid alienating them thus causing a backlash against The Grambler, I'd better not mention their piss-poor plastic flags and pathetic treatment of Rafa Benitez on his début...

With an accuracy rate of just 40% for both bets, my prophecy of a at least one win this weekend went unfulfilled.  Speaking of prophecies, there are only 25 days to go until the end of the world!  (And I still haven't put up that damned towel-rail...)  This also means that we only have three more sessions of Grambling left to win that vast fortune which was predicted by our forefathers.  Although, we are all going to be dead by Christmas anyway so it doesn't really matter too much.    

Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Bolton Wanderers
Prediction: Home win ( x )
Just out of interest, is a bright-on what a light bulb gets when it is aroused?  Okay, enough filament related filth... This prediction came oh-so-close to being a reality.  And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for that meddling David Ngog!  The Seagulls dominated the first half and could easily have had the points sealed by the break.  In the 14th minute, Craig Mackail-Smith raced into the box and crossed only for the ball to be blocked by the hand of Darren Pratley.  The referee awarded a penalty but Brighton's Ashley Barnes failed to convert, with Bolton's Adam Bogdan making the save.  Did I mention that Bogdan is Ron Weasely?  Because he is.  Andrea Orlandi and Dean Hammond both saw their attempts on goal hit Bogdan's crossbar in the first half and the game remained goalless at the break.  In the second-half, Smith became the third luckless Brighton player to strike the bar but his team soon took the lead; an Orlandi freekick was cleared to the edge of the box where it found Bruno Saltor, who struck the ball into the bottom corner.  Wanderers created few chances but Tomasz Kuszczak had to be alert to save from Jacob Butterfield.  However, it was just not to be Albion's day.  In the sixth minute of stoppage time and with the very last kick of the ball, Ngog struck to claim a point and extend manager Dougie Freedman's (and Bolton's) unbeaten run to five games.

Game 2: Swansea City vs Liverpool
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )
Brendan Rodgers's lauded return to Swansea failed to live up to the hype as the match ended in a somewhat drab goalless draw.  The Reds looked to be the better team from the offset and came close to leading when Raheem Sterling's sterling volley struck the crossbar.  Minutes later, Liverpool had the ball in the back of the net via Luis Enrique's back-post shot, but the linesman was having none of it, flagging for offside much to the annoyance of popular Liverpudlian entertainer Cilla Black.  Probably.  Swansea boss Michael Laudrup changed tactics at half-time and introduced Ki Sung-yeung and the gamble appeared to pay-off with City enjoying a strong period after the break.  Cap'n Ashley Williams headed a powerful shot on goal from a corner only to see his former Swansea team-mate Joe Allen clear from the line.  Swansea had the chance to take the lead in the dying moments of the match when Allen brought down Ki on the edge of the box, but Pepe Reina saved a fierce shot from Swans winger and most Spanish sounding Spanish-man in the history of Spanish-men Pablo Hernández Domínguez.  Reports that he was wearing a sombrero and eating paella at the time have yet to be confirmed. 

Game 3: East Fife vs Arbroath
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
Billy Brown watched his East Fife win at home for the first time in a hard-fought win at the New Bayview Stadium.  The match started brightly when Arbroath's player/manager/tea-lady Paul Sheerin hit a long-range effort forcing Fifers keeper Calum Antel into a fine save in just the 2nd minute.  One minute later and the action was at the other end of the pitch, where Scott McBride struck the post with a shot from the edge of the area.  Ten minutes later, East Fife opened the scoring; the lively Bobby Barr crossed from the left-wing for Sean Jamieson to score his first goal of the season.  But the visitors were to pull level close to the break when a Steven Doris shot deflected off his team-mate Paul Currie and into the net.  The Fifers took just two minutes to restore their lead after the interval, via another long-range effort from McBride.  The midfielder tried his luck from 25 yards and was rewarded with a cracking goal.  Currie was to come close to equalising once again but his strike bounced off the crossbar.   Brown said of the match “ni povus estis kvar aŭ kvin ĝis la paŭzo kaj mi estis vere feliĉaj per niaj deziro tie" demonstrating both his pleasure at his sides desire and his fluency in Esperanto.

Game 4: Barnsley vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Draw ( x )
Cardiff moved top of the table following a win at Barnsley coupled with Crystal Palace's defeat in Leeds.  The bluebirds took the lead in the 22nd minute when teenager Ben Nugent marked his first league start with a goal.  Peter Whittingham provided the assist via a corner and the defender headed home.  Stephen Dawson and Marcus Tudgay both squandered chances for the home-side before half-time and six minutes after the break, the visitors doubled their lead.  Aron Gunnarsson found himself unmarked at the back-post and headed in from another Whittingham corner.  The Tykes were given some hope when Jacob Mellis slotted home in the 71st minute and were even presented with a one-man advantage as Cardiff débutant Simon Lappin received a second yellow card.  However, they failed to make the most of their chances and have now taken just two points from their last seven games.  Oddly enough, this was Cardiff's first victory wearing their traditional blue shirts this season.  Following the furore surrounding the business-minded switch to red in the summer, City have only worn blue as a change strip but amidst poor away form, they had yet to win in their 'old' colours.  So... ahem... Despite their fans originally getting shirty about it, the team have been red-hot in their new colours but have given fans the blues in their traditional strips.  Please hold your applause until the end!  

Game 5: Aston Villa vs Arsenal
Prediction: Home win ( x )
Well this was a bit of a damp squib.  Incidentally, does anyone actually know what a squib is?  According to the Oxford English Dictionary (and by proxy, Susie Dent) a squib is 'a small firework that burns with a hissing sound before exploding.'  You cannot say that The Grambler does not educate!  The only talking point from the first half was Villa's Andreas Weimann having a shot ruled-out for offside.  And in spite of what his name may suggest, Weimann is actually 6ft 2in...  The second half had more action with Aaron Ramsey coming close for the Gunners whilst at the other end Brett Holman forced the constenant-friendly Arsenal keeper Szczesny into a fine save.  The point earned helped to move the Villains out of the relegation zone but for Arsenal, it was a missed chance to overtake fifth-placed Everton.  Speaking after the match, Arsene Wenger said "we played with three strikers, but that doesn't mean you score goals.  We are a very offensive team."  Meanwhile, Arsenal strikers Santa Cazorla, Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud lurked in the background making mildly rude hand gestures and vociferating various synonyms for both male and female genitalia.

And here's how that SUPER MAGNIFICENT BONUS BET went:

Game: Both teams to score?, Odds
Miton Keynes Dons vs Colchester United: Yes, 10/11 ( ✔ )
Brechin City vs Forfar athletic: No, 7/4 ( x )
Charlton Athletic vs Huddersfield Town: No, 11/10 ( x )
Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham: No, 11/10 ( x )
Everton vs Norwich City: Yes, 4/6 ( ✔ )

Hmm, not too well it would appear.  It was worth a shot.  This segment may return fleetingly where I can be bothered.    

Overall, I shall be marking this week down as 'could try harder.'  Perhaps next time will be the one.  Or the one after that.  Or the one after that.  And then we are all dead.  But it's best not to worry about that for now....

"After all, tomorrow is another day."

- Margaret Mitchell
(or Suggs) 

Week 15: With 100% added bet!

It's been a sacktastic week in football as Roberto Di Matteo pipped Mark Hughes to become the first Premiership P45-recipient of the season.  Steve Rafa Benitez has already taken over at Chelsea in a move that has both SHOCKED and SURPRISED the footballing world.  And ol' stroke-features himself Harry Redknapp the Loveable Tax-Evader looks set to take the job at QPR.  Will these managerial changes make a difference?  Doesn't matter to me, whatever The Grambler says goes around these parts. 
  
I'm warning you now, we have a terrible bet this week.  I normally try to be as optimistic as possible regardless of the outcome, but it seems like The Grambler has just gone out of his/her/its way to be awkward this week and picked a set of results that are just not going to happen.  For that reason, I have provided a bonus bet at the end; one that can't possibly go wrong!  Unless of course it goes wrong...  As it inevitably will...  In which case it can go wrong...

Read on, my good man/woman/person!

Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Bolton Wanderers
Prediction: Home win
Sports teams are often associated with birds for a reason; they are graceful creatures which soar through the sky freely and can be mastered by no man.  In the world of basketball, you can find the Atlanta Hawks, named for a fierce creature known to tear apart it's prey.  In Rugby Union, the Newcastle Falcons, named for a bird known for its speed and razor-sharp talons.  And then in football, you can find Brighton: The Seagulls, known for being a disease-ridden nuisance that jobby on people's heads from a great height.  It is little surprise that they are not the most feared in the Championship.  But Brighton have been hanging around the top of the division for a number of seasons and currently find themselves 7th.  Some good wins this year have been offset by a few too many draws, but they are only twice defeated at home.  And whilst over-analysing animalistic nicknames, we have Bolton... In the Championship alone, you can find Lions, Wolves and Tigers.  And then you have the mighty... Trotters.  Invoking images of pigs waddling around a sty in their own faeces.  Fearsome!  Since Dougie Freedman's arrival as manager, Bolton have gone unbeaten but have drawn 75% of games under his rule.  There is huge potential for a draw here but I reckon the home-side might just win it.    
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 11/10


Game 2: Swansea City vs Liverpool
Prediction: Draw
From Seagulls to Swans; the swan being a far more graceful bird and City have been one of the most graceful teams to, erm... grace the premiership in recent seasons.  Michael Laudrup's Swansea have carried over their good-form from last year's surprisingly good Premiership début and the team currently sit 10th in the league following a fine 2-1 victory over Newcastle last weekend.  Cap'n Ashley Williams has caused controversy this week with the well timed release of his book (seriously, does every footballer just automatically get a book deal these days?  Does anyone even know who Ashley Williams is?) featuring comments about wanting to 'knock-out' Luis Saurez for his diving.  Please do, Ashley.  Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers was dismissive of these jibes: "He's a good lad. Maybe it was something he didn't mean to get out there."  Yeah, because of course, if you didn't mean to get quotes out there, you would put them in a book...Liverpool will be looking to bounce back from a disappointing midweek draw against a bunch of young boys and could leapfrog their opponents in the Premiership table with a victory.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 5/2


Game 3: East Fife vs Arbroath
Prediction: Home win
East Fife have not had the ideal start to the season.  Having been rooted to the bottom of the Second Division since the start of the season, they took just two points from the first eight games and endured a painful 5-1 defeat at Elgin.  Meanwhile, manager Gordon Durie had to take leave due to illness, leaving them manager-less.  Fortunately for East Fife, the appointment of Billy Brown earlier this month has brought some stability to the club and a 3-0 win over Albion Rovers last week has lifted them out of the relegation zone.  Unfortunately for East Fife, Bob Malcolm plays for them.  Arbroath are seven points ahead of their opponents in the league and have been in good form at home, winning four of six.  However, their away form has not been so good, with only one win in six attempts.   Arbroath have not lost a match to the Fifers since March 2010 and the teams have drawn three times in six ties since then.  Also, what do you call a pirates favourite football team?  Arrrrrrrbroath!
Reliability balls:
Odds on this result: 6/4


Game 4: Barnsley vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Draw
Or alternatively, Barrrrrrrrrrnsley!  The Tykes play host to second-placed Cardiff this weekend as they bid to move away from the relegation zone to the comfort of mid-table mediocrity.  Barnsley have played eight home games already this season, winning two, drawing three and losing three.  They have only managed to score six goals in their ties at Oakwell so do not expect a high-scoring game.  Débuts could be offered to their three new loan signings Emile Sinclair, Jonathan Greening and Akos Buzsaky. Cardiff are challenging for the top-spot and the chance to become the second Welsh team in the Premiership.  They currently sit two points from top side Crystal Palace and are looking for a third win in a row.  At home, City have a 100% record, but they appear to be complacent on the road and have amassed five losses away from home.  The Bluebirds (there is a real 'bird' thing going on this week) signed Norwich defender Simon Lappin on loan midweek and he could start tomorrow.  Interesting aside: Lappin takes his name from the French phrase "si mon lapin" translating as "if my rabbit."  Probably. 
Reliability balls: 4/10
Odds on this result: 12/5 


Game 5: Aston Villa vs Arsenal
Prediction: Home win
Struggling Aston Villa take on underachieving Arsenal in a game that the media have dubbed 'the Battle of the Only Two Teams in the Premiership Whose Names Begin With the Letter A.'  Possibly.  Villa currently inhabit a spot in the relegation zone thanks to their faltering start to the season.  They have only won a single game at home this season, against Swansea back in September.  Manager Paul Lambert will be serving a one-match dugout suspension so expect him to be sitting in the stands duetting with some X-Factor reject girl singing this song.  Meanwhile, Arsenal have not been having a bad season but fans will be disappointed to look at the table and see both West Brom and Everton above them.  The Gunners secured passage to the next stage of the Champions League with a 2-0 victory over Montpellier on Wednesday and Arsene Wenger will expect another victory here.  There has also been good news for fans of the Arse' this week as the team agreed a sponsorship deal worth £150 million.  With that kind of money at his disposal, expect Wenger to dig deep in January to unearth the next Carl Jenkinson.
Reliability balls: 3/10
Odds on this result: 4/1

The total odds for this week's Gramblings are 312/1.  Not going to happen, is it?

Hence why I have decided to include the GRAMBLER SUPER BONUS BET!  Last week, I placed a bet for myself using the 'both teams to score' market.  Tis pretty straight forward; the question is will both teams score?  The answer is either YES! (in which case both teams score) or NO! (in which case either one team won't score or both teams won't score).  Anyhow, I won some money on this and thought "hmm, this could be Grambled up a bit!"  As their are two outcomes rather than three, it could provide more chance of winning so it's worth a bash!  Five games, a 50p bet, no jibberish.... And we get:

Game: Both teams to score?, Odds
Miton Keynes Dons vs Colchester United: Yes, 10/11
Brechin City vs Forfar athletic: No, 7/4
Charlton Athletic vs Huddersfield Town: No, 11/10
Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham: No, 11/10
Everton vs Norwich City: Yes, 4/6

Total odds on the GRAMBLER SUPER BONUS BET are 39/1.

Will the main bet shock us all and come good?  Will the bonus bet be the saviour of The Grambler?  Will Captain  Delbert Gugliuzza be able to disarm the bomb whilst simultaneously evacuating all of the orphans from the building?  Tune in on Monday (or Tuesday) to find out!

Week 10 results: Join my happy song!

How cruel Grambling can be!  One week after that famous victory, The Grambler produced it's best league predictions to date.  Yet the bet was destroyed before we had even reached 3 o'clock on Saturday.  If not for two results, I would proudly be adding a cool £349 to the Bobby Moore Fund fund (fund) this morning.  But alas, Millwall could not find that winning goal and Dumbarton are... well, shit.  Do you know who I blame?  George Osbourne.  It's always his fault.

By way of consolation, I did get a Tweet or Twit retweeted or retwitted by the BBC which was fun.  Clearly the sarcasm detector on their live text was broken though...

Game 1: York City vs Dagenham & Redbridge
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
A double from Ashley Chambers sealed a comfortable-ish win for the home-side and gave them their first win in four matches.  A curling shot in the 19th minute opened the scoring but the visitors pulled level four minutes later when Luke Wilkinson levelled the score with his noggin.  A determined Chambers scored a second before half-time, with the Minstermen starting to take control of the game.  The lead was extended in the 65th minute when Matty Blair slotted home from close range.  The midfielder clearly had a better game on Saturday than he did in midweek training when a dummy (an actual dummy) not only got the better of him, but injured him in the process.  Wilkinson scored a another for the Daggers with just seconds to go until full-time, but it was too late to be of any real significance.  His mum said that he would get extra pocket-money this week for scoring two goals which cheered him up a bit, and he has been promised a trip to the zoo next Saturday if he behaves himself.  City manager Gary Mills said of this result "Dagenham play how they play and you have to win as many second balls as you can."  Chortle, chortle, titter and perhaps guffaw!

Game 2: Swindon Town vs Scunthorpe United
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )
Sc***horpe took advantage of having an extra man on the field to grab a valuable point away from home.  Swindon's James Collins, who is not the same James Collins as James Collins, grabbed the first goal after 18 minutes of play with a shot from five yards.  And the Robins could have and perhaps should have (dear Facebook users everywhere, please note the correct use of 'have' in this sentence.  Not 'of' but 'have'!) doubled their lead minutes later when Matt Richie found himself through on goal with just the keeper to beat, but Sam Slocombe kept his side in the game with a save worthy of Sieb Dykstra.  In the 33rd minute, the home-side's Aden Flint picked up a second booking and was sent for a metaphorical early bath.  Swindon managed to hold on to their lead until the 56th minute when Karl Hawley headed in from Mark Duffy's cross.  Neither team could bring themselves to score a winner and everyone agreed that they had a lovely day.  Meanwhile, the Swindon Advertiser maintained the high-standard set by local newspapers everywhere by sending a reporter to the game who failed to notice what the score was.

Game 3: Crystal Palace vs Millwall
Prediction: Millwall ( x )
A spirited fightback from Millwall against a ten-man Palace side was enough to secure a point but not enough to make me like them in the slightest.  In an eventful Saaaaaath Laaaaahndan derby, with ten yellow cards and one red, the home side drew first blood when Mile Jedinak used his Jedi knack to FORCE an opener.  Actually he didn't really, it was a 30 yard strike from the Aussie who may or may not be a real Jedi.  Just moments later, Palace found themselves two in front when Damien Delaney headed in a cross, presumably with his head.  But the game changed minutes before half-time when Darius Henderson's goal-bound shot was blocked the hand of Dean Moxey.  Moxey protested with the referee, claiming that he was convinced that his side were allowed the playground-staple 'any-man-save', but ultimately he was dismissed and the resultant penalty was tucked away by Liam Trotter, who refused to get pig-headed after scoring.  In the second-half, Millwall drew level when Mark Beevers deflected a shot in with his thigh.  It was not the prettiest goal, but Beevers couldn't give a damn.  Unfortunately, not even the introduction of Shaun Batt could complete an animal themed victory for Millwall, who were happy with a draw.

Game 4: Dumbarton vs Falkirk
Prediction: Draw ( x )
Dumbarton continued their poor start to the season with another insipid performance.  The Bairns started brightly and early pressure on the Sons paid off as Lyle Taylor chipped the ball over the onrushing opposition keeper.  Falkirk had to deal with a bad injury moments later when youngster Stephen Kingsley came off slightly worse in a 50/50 tackle, breaking his nose in the process.  God nose how much that must have hurt!  Kingsley was replaced by defender Chris Smith (alright Chris!  You never told me you were getting a game for Falkirk...)  The visitors extended their lead on 32 minutes when the ball fell to David Weatherston who found himself unmarked in the box and blasted past Jamie Ewings.  The second-half started brightly for Dumbarton who had the ball in the net after a goal-mouth scramble, but the linesman flagged for offside.  Not to be outdone, the Bairns had a goal ruled out just sixty seconds later as Luke Leahy (winner of the Most Star Warsy Name of the Week award) was ruled to be offside at the other end of the pitch.  Dumbarton managed little else in the half as another listless performance ended in defeat.  If I were a betting-man, I would put my money on them being relegated.  Hang on a minute...  

Game 5: Liverpool vs Reading
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
Brandan Rodgers finally got his first win at Anfield in unconvincing fashion as Liverpool meandered to a 1-0 win over Premiership strugglers Reading.  Seventeen-year-old Raheem Sterling was a sparkle of glitter in the festering turd that is Liverpool.  (Please note: the previously used metaphor has achieved three things; a) Made me feel abject disgust with myself, b)  Made me feel slightly nauseous and c) Prevented every over-sensitive Liverpool (i.e. every Liverpool fan) from ever becoming readers of The Grambler).  A neat flick from Luis Saurez put Stirling through on goal on the 29th minute.  The England under-21 cap took two touches to control the ball before smashing it past Alex McCarthy in the Reading goal.  Liverpool dominated most of the game but lacked a finishing touch; it is little wonder that Rodgers has stated that he will be bidding £19.5 million for Michael Higdon in the January transfer window.  Both Adam Le Fondre and Jason Roberts came close to equalising for the visitors but Brad Jones, deputising for the injured Pepe Reina, kept his side in front with some good saves.  It also worth mentioning Reading midfielder Jobi McAnuff because his name is jobby and this amuses me greatly.

Game 6: Partick Thistle vs Airdrie United
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
This was not only a win for Partick Thistle but an emphatic win, with the emphasis on PHAT!  A 7-0 thrashing of Airdrie pushed Partick back to the top of Division One and maintained their 100% home-record; during their five games at Firhill they have scored NINETEEN goals and conceded just TWO (I have been studying The Sun for journalistic tips and realised that capitalising ARBITRARY words emphasises the POINT for idiots).  Chris Erskine scored a brace, Aaron Muirhead bagged a penalty, former Motherwell duo Steven Lawless and Ross Forbes got one apiece,  as did Sean Walsh and Kris Doolan.  To add to Airdrie's embarrassment, substitute Scott Sally was dismissed in the 76th minute for having a really girly name.  Also, seeing as Star Wars has been mentioned a few times already this week, here is an interesting fact: Partick Thistle are the only football team in the world whose name is an anagram of Sith pickle tart, which is Darth Vadar's favourite dish.

Game 7: Hull City vs Ipswich Town
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )
Hull leapt into the Championship play-off places after coming back from a goal down to defeat a lacklustre Ipswich side.  Hull had started brightly, but the first goal came against the run of play.  Former Arsenal prospect turned Championship floater-abouter Jay Emmanuel-Thomas jinked into the box on 29 minutes and fired low past Hull keeper Tori Ben Amos to give the Tigers the lead.  And it looked like it would stay that way - both teams had squandered chances and with 70 minutes on the clock, Ipswich looked to be winning their second game of the season.  But it was at this point that Steve Bruce decided to introduce German summer-signing Nick Proschwitz.  Within four minutes, the striker had his first goal for the club, turning in a Ahmed Elmohamady cross.  With Ipswich looking likely to take a point at least, Poschwitz popped up again in the final minute of the game - Elmohamady once again doing all of the hard-work and the German turning the ball into the net to claim victory.  Ipswich manager Paul Jewell admitted that he may not have much longer at the helm after this defeat, which is a shame because he has set a shining example so far.

My belief in The Grambler has been restored after another fine performance!  After many weeks of under-performing, like Olivier Giroud, it has shown that there is still a lot of potential, like Olivier Giroud.

The next chapter in the Grambling saga will commence on Thursday afternoon.  Like Olivier Giroud.

"I am convinced this last goal will also do me a lot of good"

-Olivier Giroud   

Week 10: I love to go a-Grambling, along the mountain track...

The taste of victory is still lingering in my mouth from last week, like when you brush your teeth and then drink some milk and end up with a weird taste stuck there for half a day.  Was it a fluke?  Or shall it be repeated today?  Only Gramblor, God of Grambling knows!

Here are some football game thingies:

Game 1: York City vs Dagenham & Redbridge
Prediction: Home win
York is a city known for many things... Yorkshire puddings, Yorkie bars, Dwight Yorke... None of those things, but many other things.  However, their football team is not as famous as these unrelated counterparts.  Last season was a good one for the Minstermen with victory in the FA Trophy followed by promotion back to the football league.  They have put in some impressive displays in their first season back in the league since 2004, with only three losses in the first twelve games.  Unfortunately, a few too many draws have left York in the bottom half of the table but a win today could see them closing in on the play-off places.  Dagenham & Redbridge are (is?) a youngster in the footballing world, having only been formed in 1992.  Whilst this makes them too old for Jimmy Saville, they are still a team in their infancy and hungry to prove that they can hold their own.  Currently sitting in 17th position, their main objective may well be to avoid the wilderness of the Conference League.  One win and three draws away from home suggests a team which is hard to beat on their travels.
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 11/10


Game 2: Swindon Town vs Scunthorpe United
Prediction: Draw
Swindon have had something of a resurgence under 'lovable rogue' Paulo di Canio, a man who openly claims to be a 'fascist and not a racist' (because, you know, the two are normally mutually exclusive.)  He has also described Benito Mussolini as being 'misunderstood'... And while we're on politics of the early 20th century, did you know that Mussolini's shift from socialism to fascism was funded by MI5?  Anyhoo, that all has little to do with football and Swindon sit 6th in League One, just two points away from second place.  Scunthorpe have not had such a great start to the season.  Nine points from the opening twelve games sees them languish third from the bottom of the division like a langoustine.  They have now gone four games without a win and have only taken one point away from home this season.  And to compound their misery, their team name frequently falls victim to the Scunthorpe Problem, whereby internet search engines add them to a blocked list due the appearance of a dirty word in their name.  Poor old Sc***horpe United! 
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 11/4


Game 3: Crystal Palace vs Millwall
Prediction: Millwall
Crystal Palace have made a fine start to the season under the stewardship of Dougie Freedman and are currently fourth in the Championship, just three points from pace-setters Cardiff.  But Palaces have a tendency to crumble in time and if the team has been built on weak foundations, they might find themselves evicted from the play-off places.  In their last game, they emerged as victors in a seven-goal thriller against Burnley, with much-coveted youngster Wilfried Zaha scoring a double, so expect goals-a-plenty again today.  The lions have not had such a fine start to the season.  Currently sitting just outside of the relegation zone, manager Kenny Jackett will be hoping that his side's form improves lest he has to Jackett in.  Millwall appeared in The Grambler a fortnight ago and on that occasion, victory resulted in the sacking of their opponents manager.  But Freedman has a better standing at his club than Owen Coyle had at struggling Bolton, so there is little chance that he will be freed, man. 
Reliability balls: 4/10
Odds on this result: 12/5


Game 4: Dumbarton vs Falkirk
Prediction: Draw
Dumbarton are another team who have put in a Grambler appearance already and on that occasion, they allowed Livingston to defeat them in order to keep the coupon intact, nice chaps that they are. The Sons, who took their nickname from the rare occurrence whereby each player is someone's son, have had 'a couple of setbacks recently' according to the official website.  Well, that is one way to put it... Having picked up just two points this season from eight games, they are rooted to the bottom of the first division.  Falkirk have not fared much better.  Having started the season as one of the favourites to challenge for a spot in the SPL, Falkirk have taken seven points from their eight games and the Bairns fans have started to call for manager Steven Pressley's head.  Other fans meanwhile have suggested that this would be harsh and just want him sacked.  
Reliability balls: 3/10
Odds on this result: 14/5


Game 5: Liverpool vs Reading
Prediction: Home win
Liverpool have managed to be the most unwatchable and disagreeable team in the Premiership over the last few seasons.  Dull football and support of unpleasant racists under Kenny Dalglish has been replaced by dull football and support of unpleasant racists under Brendan Rodgers.  Rodgers decision to send Andy Carroll out on loan could come back to bite him with the news that Fabio Borini will be out injured leaving unpleasant racist Luis Saurez as their only recognised striker.  And worse still, Mark Lawrenson has predicted a Liverpool win.  Is that guy ever right!?  The Collins English dictionary defines Reading as 'the act of a person who reads'.  But I wouldn't read too much into that.  Reading were a regular choice in the pre-season predictions for relegation candidates and have lived up to expectations by spending the season thus far in the relegation zone. Striker Jason Roberts has made headlines this week by refusing to wear a 'Kick It Out' anti-racism t-shirt this week as he feels that the organisation do not do enough to help the game of football.  For the same reasons, he should refuse to wear a Reading shirt (ba-zing!)
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 1/3


Game 6: Partick Thistle vs Airdrie United
Prediction: Home win
Plastic Whistle currently ride high in the First Division and look set to challenge Dunfermline for the top-spot this season.  They have a fantastic home-record this season; all four games played at Firhill won and also no goals conceded at home.  But they have shown that they are still prone to slip-ups, as seen in a 3-1 defeat at Morton a couple of weeks ago.  Airdrie will be travelling down the A8, onto the M8 and finally off at the A82 with a pretty poor start under their belts.  Only seven points from eight games puts them equal with the previously mentioned Falkirk.  However, their record on the road has been better than that at home, with four points taken during away games.  The Jags could be in for a prickly encounter if the Diamonds can produce a gleaming performance, otherwise expect the home-side to continue their 100% record.  
Reliability balls: 8/10
Odds on this result: 1/3


Game 7: Hull City vs Ipswich Town
Prediction: Home win
Hull City (named for Rod Hull, it was purely a coincidence that they happened to be based in Hull) have the greatest claim to fame in British league football; their name is the only one without any letters which can be coloured in.  They have made a reasonable start to the season under the stewardship of Steve Bruce and currently sit 10th and just two points away from a play-off spot.  Ipswich (a team that perhaps take their Tractorboys nickname a little too seriously) have rarely threatened the top end of the Championship in recent years and are currently second bottom of the division.  A win today cannot remove them from the relegation zone but would be a boost.  The board's approval to sign Nigel Reo-Coker (who has a silly name) suggests that they intend to remain in the Championship.  He could make his début today.  Also, I have a button which switches my internet on or off.  It's an IP switch...
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 4/5

How do you like them apples?

Week 6 results: You f#%!ing plebs!

A wee Andrew Mitchell MP quote there to help start this week's results.  Mitchell is, of course, in trouble for saying out loud what the Tories don't want us to know they are all thinking.  And in order to keep this vaguely football related, I should mention that Mr Mitchell does not support any team in particular but is a massive fan of Middlesbrough's André Bikey.  Because he rides a bike.  

This week's Grambling could have gone better, and genuinely looked like it would have at times on Saturday.  However, a few late goals here and there ultimately nullified the main bet.  Saving face, the doubles bet won a MASSIVE £2.53, which shall be added to the Bobby Moore Fund fund to give us a running total of £10.03!  Double-figures at last!


Here is a blow-by-blow account of the weekend's Grambling expedition.  Warning: May contain traces of nut.     

Game 1: Derby County vs Burnley
Prediction: Draw ( x )
The first prediction of the week came so very close to being correct, but the Rams will be feeling rather sheepish after letting a draw turn into a defeat in the dying minutes of this game.  Derby had raced into a twentieth minute lead when the Burnley defence failed to clear a corner, allowing Jamie Ward to score the opener.  Twelve minutes later and the Clarets had equalised through striker Charlie Austin.  Keeping on top of the action, this happy Grambler was rather chuffed as the game approached it's finale looking likely to end in a draw.  But evil Charles Austin decided that he did not like the idea of money going to charity, scoring with an emphatic header in the 89th minute to show his support for tumours everywhere.  It proved to be a good day for Austin, who only took up football as a side-job whilst not producing vacuum pumps.  It was not such a good day for Nigel Clough's men, who slipped below their opponents in the league.  It was a hard result to accept for the manager, who has a statue of his old man outside the stadium.  And that is not a euphemism. 

Game 2: Crystal Palace vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )

Cardiff squandered the chance to move top of the Championship despite making a fantastic start at Selhurst Park.  Palace started well, but Aron Gunnarsson scored against the run of play, slotting calmly past Julian Speroni.  Two minutes later and City had doubled their lead with a volley from Mafia farmer Don Cowie.  From then until half-time, Cardiff looked rather comfortable and could even have extended the lead further, with Craig Bellamy firing over from nine yards.  A renewed Palace side emerged in the second-half and instantly pressured their opponents.  Within six minutes of the restart, opening scorer Gunnarsson was adjudged to have handled inside his area and Glenn Murray scored from the spot.  Murray got his second on 62 minutes when a deflected shot fell to him and he shot past Cardiff's David Marshall.  And the fightback was complete ten minutes later when Heidar Helguson made a reckless challenge in the Cardiff box, forcing the referee to award a second penalty to the Eagles.  Murray stepped up to claim his hat-trick and seal the win, rounding off a mint performance (insert cymbal crash here).

Game 3: Liverpool vs Manchester United
Prediction: Liverpool ( x )

Two of the great rivals of English football squared up in typical fashion (football kits, mostly) in a day which started with more tributes to the victims of the Hillsborough disaster.  And more importantly, two overpaid men SHOOK HANDS WITH EACH OTHER!!!  Liverpool dominated in the first half, but as usual failed to realise that scoring goals is a prerequisite of controlling matches.  Late in the first half, ridiculously named Jonjo Shelvey (is it John or Joe, make your mind up!) was shown a straight red for a mis-timed tackle.  Strangely, ten-man Liverpool went on to take the lead after the restart as Steven Gerrard volleying home just seconds after the interval.  But the lead was to last a mere five minutes as a neat move from United ended with Rafael Da Silva beating Pepe Reina.  United would go on to take all three points when Glen Johnson brought down Nuno Valencia inside the area, and Robin Van Persie slotted home the resulting penalty.  In the aftermath of the game, referee Mark Halsey has contacted police to report offensive comments on his Twitter feed.  Whilst not disclosed by the police, I can confirm that he was referred to as VARK Halsey (vark meaning pig in Afrikaans, obviously.) 

Game 4: Port Vale vs Gillingham 
Prediction: Port Vale ( x )

A battle of the big boys in League Two ended with Gillingham cementing their place as league leaders.  The visitors were in control for most of the game and took the lead on 11 minutes when THE Deon Burton headed in Robbie Findley's cross.  Did anyone know he was still playing?  I seem to remember at France 1998 everyone thought he was going to be the badger's nadgers but he ended up being... a bit crap.  The Gills (who take their nickname from celebrated nuclear physicist Piara Singh Gill) made it two when Chris Whelpdale fired home from a Joe Martin through-ball.  Onomatologists everywhere will jump at the chance to tell you that Whelpdale's surname means Puppyvalley, so that is how he shall be referred to should he ever appear in The Grambler again.  Following the game, Gillingham midfielder Danny Jackman said "The gaffer's tried to get us work as a solid unit, and once we all attack together, we all defend together."  Top clichés, sir! 

Game 5: West Ham vs Sunderland
Prediction: Sunderland ( x )

Sunderland have now drawn so many games that they may as well just get it over with and rename the club Sundrawland.  The perennial single-pointers started brightly with summer signing and Craig Levein ignoree Steven Fletcher scored the opening goal after nine minutes, dedicating his goal to his father who is currently incarcerated at Slade Prison.  West Ham responded by piling the pressure on the Black Cats, but could not break their resolute defence.  A number of chances went to waste as Sunderland sat in their own half for most of the second half, hopeful of defending their narrow lead.  All looked swell for The Grambler, as the game entered it's final minutes with an away victory in sight.  But cap'n Kevin Nolan had other ideas; in the dying seconds, the ball fell to him in the six yard box and he hooked the ball into the net.  A dramatic end to the game and another nail in the coffin for my coupon.  In tribute to home team's goalscorer, here is potentially the best joke I have ever come up with: Which West Ham player has problems when accessing the internet? Kevin No LAN! ThankyouverymuchladiesandgentlemenI'llbehereallweek!   

Game 6: Aberdeen vs Motherwell
Prediction: Draw ( ✔ )

Saturday afternoon.  Pittodrie, Aberdeen.  83 minutes on the clock.  Motherwell lead by three goals to one.  Stuart McCall shouts cap'n Keith over to the touchline.  "Psst...  I've just noticed that The Grambler has us on for a draw this weekend... Better tell the lads to ship two goals in the last seven minutes... You ain't seen me, right?"  McCall taps his nose and slinks back in to the dugout, his ginger mullet flowing in the wind.  It's the only plausible explanation.  It was Aberdeen who had opened the scoring, Gavin Rae heading into the net after six minutes of play.  Well's Michael Higdon levelled things before the break with his seventh goal in as many games (and yet, half of the East Stand still boo him... Yes, I'm talking to YOU exceedingly angry man with black baseball cap and senile father in tow who sits two rows in front of me!)  Motherwell took control after the break, Shaun Hutchinson heading them into the lead.  The win looked to be sealed on 82 minutes when Nicky Law scored from close range, but this is when the above conversation took place.  Niall McGinn proved that the game was not over with a header on 84 minutes as the away side let him score.  And McCall's brilliant plan came to fruition in the last minute of stoppage time as Josh Magennis scored in dramatic fashion.  So thank you Stuart McCall for sacrificing a comfortable lead at the top of the SPL just for The Grambler, much appreciated!

Game 7: Morton vs Raith Rovers
Prediction: Home win ( ✔ )

My 'Favourite Match Report of the Week' award (a new award celebrating my favourite match report of the week) goes to whoever writes the reports on the Raith Rovers website, who informs us of important match incidents such as 'the referee is a former cricketer' and 'the fans munched on bacon rolls.'  Raith appeared to have a number of chances to build on their recent good form, but could not find their finishing touch as Stuart Anderson, Scott Taggart, Jason Thomson  and Simon Mensing  missed the target.   The decisive goal came from one of the home side's few chances, when Stephen Stirling hit a thunderous 25 yard strike past former Raith keeper David McGurn.  The win pushed Morton up to third place in the First Division, much to delight of manager Allan Moore who, along with being a mediocre football manager, wrote the Watchmen and V for Vendetta.  Assuming of course that there could not possibly be more than one person with this common forename and surname combination.

So another mildly successful week, still waiting for the big win.  Inevitably it will come on the final round of games of the season, whereby I will win two grand setting me up nicely for a Danny Wallace-esque book.  

The next round of Grambling will start at 9 a.m. sharp on Friday (which translates roughly to 7.30 p.m. by my timing).  As I have won some money for a few weeks now, I am legally obliged to provide an inspirational quote about winning.  So take it away Mr Roy Castle:

"If you wanna be the best,and you wanna beat the rest.  Oo-ooh!  Dedication's what you need.  (Trumpet Solo)"