Week 37: Gibt es irgendwelche Nebenwirkungen?

And so we have arrived at the end of the season and The Grambler has proved to be an interesting experiment/complete waste of everyone's time (delete as applicable).  Either way, we have raised £95.53 for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research and more importantly, raised some awareness about the evils of bowel cancer (hopefully).  But wait!  We have one last chance to add to that total with the showcase game of the European season taking place tonight.  Yes, 'tis the Champions League final tonight and the whole world will be watching as Borusia Dortmund and Bayern Munich face-off to claim the greatest prize in club football.

The Bundesliga's reputation has been on the rise in recent years.  Fans across Europe have taken note of the Germanic league for a number of reasons; fan ownership of clubs, affordable ticket prices, inclusive travel deals for supporters and safe standing areas being just a few of the initiatives admired but sadly not replicated elsewhere.  The football on show has also been rather entertaining and it is little wonder that a host of German-based players are being linked with multi-million Euro transfers this summer.  Yet for some reason, the 'experts' paid immense wages by the likes of the BBC and ITV were surprised to find that Dortmund and Munich should be challenging for the Champions League final.  This is largely because they are utterly clueless, have no knowledge of anything outside of the Premiership, are not worth a penny of their wage and have been given a job because they once played football and have friends in the right places.  I hate them all.

Tonight, we shall see which team has the right to call themselves Die Große Wurst*, as the official Germanic title goes.  And it gives us once last chance to have a Gramble this season!  In order to keep it as exciting as possible, I will place one bet on each possible outcome; Borussia to win, draw at full-time and Bayern to win.  The Grambler will be picking the scores and goalscorers.  So I hope you all have your Bavarian beer, Bratwurst and Kinder Surprise at the ready for what should be a wonderful game of football.  And remember, if you have enjoyed any of the ramblings or Gramblings on this here website over these past eight months, please take a moment to make a small donation to our choice of charity.  It would make one Grambler very happy! 

*The big sausage.  May not be in any way official.

Bet 1: Borusia Dortmund to win
Dortmund finished the Bundesliga season in second place, 25 points behind tonight's opponents.  But Jurgen Klopp has had his side playing some very attractive football and their semi-final win over Real Madrid surprised many.  Polish striker Robert Lewandowski scored four goals in the first leg of said tie and this could well be his last game for Die Schwarzgelben, with a host of top-clubs interested in paying top-dollar for his services.  Another standout this season has been Mario Gotze, who will sadly miss the final with a groin injury.  He has already agreed to join Munich this summer for a reported fee of 37 million Euros.

The Grambler says that if Dortmund win, the score shall be an impressive 3-2 with Marco Reus grabbing one of the goals.  An ambitious £1 bet on said result will win us £60.  Yippee!  

Bet 2: Bayern Munich to win
Bayern fans suffered heartache last season as Chelsea beat them on their home-turf to take the Champions League final and they will be hopeful of making up for this tonight.  They eased to the Bundesliga title this season, setting a new record for the earliest title winners with six-games still to play.  Celebrated manager Jupp Heynckes is due to step down at the end of the season and Munich have pulled off something of a coup in persuading Pep Guardiola to take on the coaches role in his return to management.  Die Roten have also started to splash the cash, with the previously mentioned Gotze already on board for next season and a host of big-name players rumoured to be joining him at the Allianz Arena, including convicted cannibal Luis Suarez.

The Grambler has claimed that should Bayern Munich be victorious, the score shall be a respectable 2-1 and Arjen Robben will score one of those goals.  A £1 bet here will win a welcome £55.  Hooray!

Bet 3 Draw
Not much more to say about this one...  If the score is 1-1 cometh the 90th minute, we shall win a humongous £6.50!

That's it!  All Grambled out for the season!  Thank you for your support throughout the season and please do take the time to read up on the wonderful work of the Bobby Moore Fund and spread the word about the fight against evil, evil bowel cancer.  With any luck, we shall be back up ad running come the start of the new season (depending on good health).

Happy Grambling!

(Also, buy a t-shirt!)

Week 36: What the Hell do we do now!?

You may recall last season ending in rather dramatic fashion with that Aguero stoppage type goal against QPR prising the title from the clutches of Manchester United.  Well, this season is slightly different.  The relegation spots are filled, the title has been decided, runners-up are already in place and unless something ridiculous happens, Chelsea have have third sewn up.  So the only matter of interest is the race for fourth place.  Can you feel the excitement?  No, neither can I.  

There are of course play-off finals taking place which are far more exciting. With places up for grabs in the Championship and Premiership, Brentford will take on Yeovil tomorrow and Crystal Palace play Watford a week on Monday respectively.  And of course the Champions League final takes place next weekend so there is still something to look forward to.  But then, a whole summer without football!  Nooooooooooooooo!

This week's Grambler is made up entirely from Premiership games.  We have the usual three game accumulator and since it's the last round of games of the season... The Super Mega Awesome Grambler!  A ten game accumulator attempting to pick the winners of every Premiership games at random...  This is the bet that will prove whether there really are any footballing Gods supporting The Grambler!

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Sunderland - Home win - 2/7

West Brom vs Man Utd - Draw - 29/10

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Away win - 11/20

£1 @ 7/1

Oddly, The Grambler has managed to choose the only two games that actually matter in this accumulator, adding a little excitement to the proceedings.  Spurs will be hopeful of bettering Arsenal's result to pinch fourth place and the delicious Champions League football that comes with it.  Sunderland do not need to achieve anything following Wigan's midweek relegation but manager and horrible fascist (lest we forget) Paulo Di Canio might still have to prove to some supporters that he is the man to lead them next season.  Tickets are allegedly changing hands for thousands of pounds ahead of West Brom's tie against Man Utd.  This will of course be Sir Alex Ferguson's last game in charge and perhaps we should expect him to round off an illustrious career with a win.  The Baggies have also had a reasonable season and a point against the Champions would conclude things nicely.  Arsenal travel to Tyneside needing a win to secure fourth spot in the league but given the right results elsewhere, could force a 3rd/4th place play-off with Chelsea.  It is highly unlikely, however.  Newcastle will be relieved to find themselves safe having unexpectedly been dragged into a relegation fight towards the end of the season.  As with most teams at this stage of the season, they will no doubt still send out a strong starting line-up with instructions to win purely for the purposes of selling season tickets for next year.

Super Mega Awesome Grambler! accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Chelsea vs Everton - Home win - 8/11

Liverpool vs QPR - Draw - 6/1

Man City vs Norwich - Home win - 1/3

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Draw - 18/5

Southampton vs Stoke - Away win - 4/1

Swansea vs Fulham - Home win - 4/5

Spurs vs Sunderland - Draw - 5/1

West Brom vs Man Utd - Away win - 5/6

West Ham vs Reading - Home win - 4/6

Wigan vs Aston Villa - Away win - 13/5

50p @ 44,048/1

Check out those odds!  I am genuinely excited by this bet!  It is so horrendously wrong that it has to be right!  What a perfect way to round of the season that would be too.  I can then sell my story to the Daily Record or some equally poor 'newspaper', write the Grambler book over the summer, start recording my Christmas single in Autumn and by the end of the year, an estimated £1.6 million will on it's way to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!  Not that I'm setting my hopes unreasonably high or anything...

We shall return next week for the final Grambler of the season, a Champions League special. And then, who knows...?

STOP PRESS!!!!
Exciting news as I have decided to add a Eurovision bet to this week's proceedings!  The Grambler has selected Russia, who this year shall be represented by Dina Garipova singing What If (which turns out not to be a Lightning Seeds cover).  I'm not sure about this choice... Russia were robbed last year as the singing grannies of Buranovskiye Babushki were by far the best act of the night but failed to take the gong, maybe this could be their year?  The Russian entry is 16/1 to win outright so I have bet a quid each way and any winnings will go to the usual charidee.  Here is Miss Garipova in action for those of you curious enough...

Week 35: Nation in shock as 71 year old retires!

We should get this over with quickly, nothing of note has happened in the past week football-wise...

Oh wait, some old geezer has decided it is time to retire and move into a new role as puppetmaster director and ambassador at Old Traffford.  Yes, the time has finally come for Sir Alex Ferguson to retire after 26 years and 38 trophies with Manchester United.  It is the end of an era as the manager many have hailed as the greatest of all time laves the dugout for the last time.  One has to admire his many achievements; the treble in 1999, his tactical nous, his handling of the media, his ability to spot raw talent...  But personally, I believe that his greatest moment was that time that he twatted David Beckham on the head with a football boot.

Fellow irate Scotsman and Everton manager David Moyes has been given the thankless task of replacing Ferguson.  Whilst most critics have agreed that this is a wise move, with the key motive of maintaining a formula that has provided years success and stability to the club, many United fans have been angered by the appointment.  But then again, most United fans I have ever met have been idiots...

Sad news elsewhere as Aston Villa captain Stillian Petrov has been forced to retire as he continues his battle against leukaemia.  He has decided to devote his time to setting up a foundation to help sufferers of the bastarding disease.  Yet further proof, as if it were needed, that cancer is a big hairy arse.  You should really donate some money to help the fight against said big hairy arse.  How about donating to the Bobby Moore Fund?  They seem nice.

Sadly, the end of the season is nigh...  Two rounds of games remain in the Premiership with the final Champions League place and relegation spot still to be filled.  Similarly, there are still two games to play in the SPL, with the mighty Motherwell one point away from securing second place.  In the lower leagues of England and Scotland, the play-offs are already well under-way; most notably one of Watford, Brighton, Crystal Palace or Leicester will earn a coveted place in the Premiership.  And Manchester City will face Wigan on Saturday in an FA Cup final which is surely a foregone conclusion...  I mean, there's just no way that City's attack are getting past Gary Caldwell!  So there are only about 20 Grambleable games to choose from this weekend, but we shall bravely Gramble on to the bitter end!  Two bets of three this week, plus an extra special FA Cup final bet which has been calculated in the most spectacular Grambler fashion yet!

Three game all-league accumulator

Game - result - odds

St Mirren vs Aberdeen - Home win - 9/5

Peterhead vs Queen's Park - Home win - 4/5 

Crystal Palace vs Brighton - Draw - 23/10

50p @ 16/1

Meanwhile, back where Alex Ferguson won his first silverware... St Mirren take on the sheep-fanciers of Aberdeen in a meaningless wind-down game.  Dundee's relegation last week confirmed the Buddies survival whilst the Dons have pretty much cemented 7th place in the SPL.  Staying in Scotland, Peterhead go into the second-leg of their play-off tie against Queen's Park with a 1-0 lead thanks to a stoppage time penalty on Wednesday night.  The Blue Toon also defeated the Spiders 3-0 in the final round of league ties so could make it three-in-a-row on Sunday.  On Friday night, Crystal Palace and Brighton square up in the first leg of their play-off tie.  Much is at stake with promotion worth an estimated £60 million to Championship promotees.  Palace have not appeared in the top-flight since 2005 but Brighton have yet to make a Premiership appearance.

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - result - odds

Man Utd vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3

Stoke vs Tottenham - Away win - 10/11

Sunderland vs Southampton - 13/8

£1 @ 6/1

With the title already secured and Ferguson's imminent retirement, Man Utd fans will be turning out for a celebration rather than a competitive match on Sunday.  Likewise, Swansea will be celebrating another good year in the Premiership (along with League Cup triumph) so expect a party atmosphere and meaningless game at Old Trafford.  Stoke have slogged out the second half of the season and rumours abound that Tony Pullis will depart.  They may be out to prove a point in their final home game.  Tottenham continue to tussle with Arsenal for the sought-after final Champions League place and will see this as a must-win match.  Although Wigan look likely to join QPR and Reading in the Championship next season, there is still a chance either Sunderland or Southampton giving this game an air of a relegation battle. Both sides gambled by sacking their managers late in the season band it could pay off for either or both if they can avoid the dreaded drop.

Super extra special far-fetched and convoluted FA Cup bet

It would be a shame not to have a bet on the FA Cup final, but to choose either Manchester City or Wigan to win would be a) a tad boring and b) unlikely to win anything worthwhile.  So it made much more sense to enter the most complex formula into the Grambler spreadsheet of this season to come up with a prediction for an actual result and first goalscorer.  Obviously this is type of betting has not been outlined in the rules of The Grambler but then those of you who have been following may have noticed that I have changed the rules every couple of weeks anyway.  Also, it's Christmas so why not?  In the unlikely outcome that Manchester City and Wigan draw 1-1 with Pablo Zabaleta scoring the first goal, a cool £70 will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund courtesy of a 50p bet with odds of 140/1.  How do you like them apples?

That is all from the penultimate Grambler of the season.  No go forth and celebrate.  Perhaps by buying several Grambler t-shirts (go on, you know you want one!)

Week 34: Gramblersaurus, raaaaaaaaaawwwwwr!

This week, one rather peckish fellow has dominated the footballing headlines as Luis Suarez decided that it was a good idea to have a mid-game snack consisting of Branislav Ivanovic's forearm.  Strangely, the FA felt that this feast did not quite adhere to the rules of the game and promptly whipped out a ten match ban for the Liverpool based cannibal.  Absolutely everyone has had an opinion on this episode, including our glorious leader David Cameron who is worried about the example that Suarez's behaviour is setting for our children.  It's almost as good an example as taking your offspring to the pub and then leaving them there, eh Davey?

Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively.  The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs.  Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success.  Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.

And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.

Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator.  I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways.  If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free.  I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...

Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1

At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet.  Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win.  In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp.  In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.'  Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss.  But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely.  And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road.  Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league.  St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL.  Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.


Three game Premiership accumulator 
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1

In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet.  But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier.  Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish.  However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight.  Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations.  Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note.  Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun.  Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club.  West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten.  They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium.  Which is nice of us all!  Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs?  Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season.  At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though.  Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch.  How fickle football fans can be!  Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.  

An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results.  As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......

Week 33: Nooooo, not Rolf!

They say that a lot can happen in a week of football.  This week virtually nothing happened and a man punched a horse.  That is this week's summary for you.

Here are the bets...

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Hamilton vs Raith - Home win - 5/4
Aldershot vs Dag & Red - Away win - 14/5
Queen's Park vs East Stirling - Home win - 2/7
Norwich vs Reading - Draw - 11/4
Liverpool vs Chelsea - Home win - 23/20
50p @ 88/1


Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
QPR vs Stoke - Home win - 6/5
Sunderland vs Everton - Home win -9/4
Swansea vs Southampton - Home win - 13/10
50p @ 15/1


Three player anytime goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Olivier Giroud -Fulham vs Arsenal - 5/4
Sergio Aguero - Tottenham vs Man City - 8/5 
Juan Mata - Liverpool vs Chelsea - 5/2
50p @20/1

To save you the effort of dusting off the ol' calculator, I can confirm that the potential winnings of this week's bets combined are a humongous... £61.50!!!  As always, any winnings shall be donated to the good folks at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research, for cancer is a half-witted rapscallion and should be stopped.  Grambling is the only way!

Week 32: Teri Hatcher's dead!?

Okay, so the whole horse racing thing didn't work out too well.  After a short trip to the dog food factory, I'm willing to put that all behind us and from now on stick to Buckaroo when I'm in the mood for horsing around.  And so we return to what we know best this week... Football!*  And by 'know best', I clearly mean what we know very little about but Google thankfully fills in the blanks.  

*Although I am tempted to put some money on the French to win the real -life Quidditch World Cup...

A week of Champions League excitement saw Borussia Dortmund leave it late to beat a spunky Malaga side, Galatasaray give Real Madrid a run for their money and an injured Leo Messi still managing to make the difference against PSG, setting up the goal to see them through to the semi-finals.  Another league manager was carelessly tossed onto the scrapheap as Sheffield United parted ways with 1980s Scottish pop-rock group Danny Wilson.  The incredibly unlikeable Neil Warnock has already emerged as a contender for the vacancy.  And the Daily Mail started a campaign to have a minute silence at each weekend game to mark the death of Big Mags Thatcher, apparently oblivious to the fact that a large proportion of the country were less than enamoured to her.  Because obviously any attempt to have a minute silence in the name of Thatcher would end well, wouldn't it?  It's almost as if they want to anger people and have them boo their way through a minute's tribute in order to whip up a frenzy and feed off the outrage...  Oh wait, it's the Daily Mail.  That's exactly what they want.

And on that note, we move onto this weekend's football.  The Tyne-and-Wear derby could be the pick of the Premiership games, although the prospect of Southampton vs West Ham is tremendously exciting... Chelsea and Man City square-off for a place in the FA Cup final whilst in the other semi-final, Wigan and Millwall will compete in a half-empty Wembley...  And in Scotland, Hibs play Falkirk and Dundee United face Celtic for a place in the Scottish Cup Final.  But what does The Grambler have to say about it all?  Well, this:

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Newcastle vs Sunderland - Home win - 19/20

Stevenage vs Yeovil - Draw - 12/5

Dag & Red vs Oxford Utd - Home win - 6/5

Leeds vs Sheff Wed - Away win - 21/10

Wolves vs Huddersfield - Home win - 11/10

50p @ 94/1

Three game accumulator from the Premiership and FA Cup

Game - Result - Odds

Stoke vs Man Utd - Away win - 4/7

Chelsea vs Man City - Home win* - 21/10

Southampton vs West Ham - Home win - 17/20

£1 @ 8/1

*Obviously not actually a home game.  Result is after 90 minutes.

Three player any-time goalscorer accumulator

Player - Game - Odds

Theo Walcott - Arsenal vs Norwich - 10/11

Wayne Rooney - Stoke vs Man Utd - 6/4

Christian Benteke - Aston Villa vs Fulham - 11/10

50p @ 8/1

And that's yer lot for today.  In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund.  In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.  

Don't drink and Gramble.

Week 31: Now featuring horses!

Yes, you read that right... HORSES!  It's the Grand National weekend and whilst I couldn't normally care less about horse racing (it's pretty cruel to be honest), I seem to have a habit of picking a winning overgrown donkey each year.  But what sayeth The Grambler?  He/She/It has already proved him/her/it-self to be incapable of selecting winning football results, but how about winning horses?  So this week, we will have one five game accumulator from the football leagues and one horse flavoured bet from the Grand National.  I can't lose!  Unless I do, in which case I can.

On the football front, it has been another eventful week...  Stealing the headlines was horrible fascist Paulo Di Canio who has finally been criticised for being a horrible fascist.  Strangely, this was rarely mentioned during his playing days or management of Swindon but suddenly everyone has an opinion on it.  I would just like to point out that The Grambler first lambasted Di Canio for being a horrible fascist back in October and therefore everyone else is plagiarising.  I shall see you in court!  Whilst one irritable cretin gained a job, another lost one as Neil Warnock was sacked by Leeds.  Quite how so many managers are given one job after another for being atrocious (and making millions whilst there at it) is beyond me.  Warnock is said to be taking time out to promote his book.  Why on earth does Neil Warnock have a book deal?  What is wrong with the world?  Elsewhere, the Champions League provided some cracking goals and enjoyable games despite NOT ONE ENGLISH TEAM BEING IN IT!!!!  The media were left shocked that the likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich were able to produce watchable football without the involvement of the Greatest League in the World (TM).  Thankfully, David Beckham made an appearance for PSG to make life worth living again.  Adrian Chiles reckoned Barcelona did not win because they were starstruck in D-Becks' presence.  Adrian Chiles is a tool.

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Walsall vs Sheffield Utd - Home win - 17/10

Dundee Utd vs Aberdeen - Draw - 9/4

MK Dons vs Crawley - Home win - 10/11

Clyde vs Berwick - Draw - 5/2

Birmingham vs Millwall - Away win - 11/5

£1 @ 187/1

Another super-exciting bet this week, it's no wonder we're switching sports!  Four points separate Walsall and Sheffield Utd but the Blades have three games in hand over most of their League 1 rivals.  A 4-0 win over cash-strapped Coventry last week will have given the home-side confidence.  Dundee Utd play host to Aberdeen with both teams chasing a top 6 finish.  Craig Brown will take charge of the Dons for the last time in this clash, with Derek McInnes due to take up the reins.  The outgoing manager has claimed that he has 'left a legacy' for the new boss.  He really is full of shit.  Another close tie in League 1 as there are three points between MK Dons and Crawley.  Both could be outside bets for a play-off spot, but Dons boss Karl Robinson could be Championship bound anyway after being linked with the vacancy at Leeds.  Clyde have little left to play for this season, sitting five points clear of the bottom but ten points from the play-off spots.  However, Berwick are just one point from fourth place and will be eyeing the chance of promotion.  Birmingham and Millwall take on each other in probably the most pointless game of this week's bet.  Sitting 11th and 15th respectively, neither are in threat of relegation or challenging for promotion.  Both teams are in similar form so this one could go either way.  Not the most exciting bet this week but at least the odds are good.  

A huge 187 smackers will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund should a miracle happen and The Grambler actually predicts more than two correct results.

Grand National 2013

Horse - Odds

Chicago Grey - 12/1 @ 50p EW

What A Friend - 50/1 @ 50p EW

Mumbles Head - 100/1 @ 50p EW

My immense knowledge of horse racing normally amounts to picking horses based purely on the name.  So for my in-depth analysis, each horses chances of winning are based purely on how good their moniker is...  First up, Chicago Grey; the odds are pretty good for this one and at present it is 5th favourite to win.  Chicago is an incredibly nice city, proving that this horse surely has a great chance of winning.  However, grey is quite a dull colour so it will definitely come second.  Makes sense, no?  What A Friend is a bit of an outsider but must surely stand a chance with such a happy name.  I imagine that his racing abilities are limited but he gets along ridiculously well with every other horse and always shares his sweets, there is not an enemy amongst them.  On this basis, the other horses might let him win just to be nice.  At 100/1, Mumbles Head doesn't stand a chance.  And no wonder with a name like that!  Conjuring images of a confused and lonely old man, potentially and alcoholic, this horse is inevitably bullied by many of the other horses.  Not by What A Friend though, he's too nice.

John McCririck eat your heart out!  No seriously, please do.  Live on TV.  Actually, I'm going to find out what the odds on that happening are...